When Sex and the City (SATC) premiered in 1998, I loved Big’s titillating introduction as the sensually powerful man who admires Carrie’s free-wheeling condom pack possession. With their on-again, off-again accidental meetings, I loved Big as the show’s mythic romantic hero. However, as the show progressed, I increasingly saw Big as a bigass douche who refused to commit to Carrie and emotionally abused her.
Season three, my least favorite season, started my Big dislike by turning Carrie into a cheating cheaterson. As the group’s moral compass, I never saw Carrie as a deliberate cheater. After all, she stepped away from the 20-something who believed in free-love in “Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl” (3.04) out of self-preservation. So, why did she cheat with Big, after finally meeting Aidan, the only guy who fully committed to her? Why did she become increasingly irritated with Aidan after three years of pursuing noncommital guys like the 20-something and Big? And, why did she fall into an affair with Big, which didn’t include any emotion or love? Their affair only focused on sex and their mutual attraction to each other. They didn’t talk or communicate, outside of scheduling their next hookup in some of the city’s skankier parts. So, why did Big remain a romantic hero after season three?
My case against Big continued in season six, when Carrie dressed up as a candy striper to nurse him to health. Once again, the bigass douche reverted to his old standoffish personality after letting his guard down. If he didn’t change after a major illness/surgery, he clearly would never change. Despite the multiple chances, multiple affairs and multiple emergencies he and Carrie underwent, he still turned his back on her. So, in the season finale when Big suddenly came to his “senses,” I rolled my eyes and “said pull the other leg.” After six years of Big acting like the biggest dick possible I doubted he’d turn into Prince Charming overnight. People just don’t change that easily.
So, am I against Big? Yeah, big time. I’m totally disappointed in him as a character. Part of this comes from a shift in age perspective. Setting aside the fact that Big’s occasional role as Carrie’s psuedo-father figure creeped me out, as an adult female, I’m just horrified that such an unhealthy relationship persisted. When I initially read the novel, Candace Bushnell’s Mr. Big was a benevolent sugar daddy who used the Carrie character for sex. But, I thought they’d change the character for TV. However, by season six, the TV Mr. Big still seemed like the novel’s Mr. Big. So, yes, I viewed his romantic conversion and Carrie’s idealized acceptance as unrealistic. Would a woman consistently bruised by the same dude for six years, still return to him? OK … probably, yes. But, would a dude who continuously mistreated the same woman for six years suddenly miraculously change into the ideal white knight? No. A lifelong player wouldn’t cease playing.
So, why do women still see Big as the ideal romantic hero? Are women just really into standoffish assholes and I missed that memo in girl’s school? Sound off in the comments!
Clacked by An Nicholson 
on Aug 28, 2012 @ 13:30 EST5EDT
I was happy with Big in the end..I couldn’t see Carrie with anyone else.I guess I cheered him on because I didn’t think she belonged in Paris. When Miranda told Big to “go get our girl” I was thriled. I think because it’s a show, you let yourself get carried away with the romanticism but in real life you would caution your girlfriend about getting involved again with someone like him. As you said..a player doesn’t stop playing He certainly did break her heart over the years and mistreat her. I guess the thing with Big was that we saw glimpses of how nice and sweet he could be..and alot of women think that they can “fix” someone. I think that’s why she always went back to him..she thought he would change for her.
*POST AUTHOR*
You know, Toni, one of our writers said the same thing. And, when I look at it in that lens, I can start to cheer for the Big character, slightly ;)