The theme for this week’s Duets was “inspirational songs.” Personally, I didn’t find many of the performances inspiring and some were downright so loaded with cheese that I found myself craving a glass of wine. And I don’t even like wine! (Are you listening Jennifer Nettles? Yes, dear. I’m talking to you.)
Man. I really wish Lionel Ritchie hadn’t bailed on this project. It would be much easier to stomach without Robin Thicke (who admitted tonight that he’s the only “superstar” of the bunch that is never heard on radio) or Jennifer Nettles. These two believe their own publicity. They literally crow and strut while they perform with their amateurs.
What is Jennifer’s deal with the raising of her left arm and accentuating every syllable of the song with it? She sings with her left arm up in the air so often, that I found myself grinning evilly at the thought of it being my job to tie it behind her back. As well as pry her eyelids open with toothpicks so that she can’t “close them in musical ecstasy” anymore.
She’s over-the-top dramatic. She cries too much. She takes it all way too seriously. She wears ridiculous costumes. And she hardly ever says a bad word about a performance, even when warranted.
Can you tell I’m not liking her one bit?
And Robin? Do not get me started on this guy.
Wait. Too late.
He’s the worst mentor ever, first of all. (As evidenced by his amateur, Alexis being the first sent off the show. Which I predicted.) Getting his proteges to “shake their booties and have fun” is not plausible advice! Rehearse the death out of them. Bring people in to watch, if they need to get over their nerves. Do meditation exercises. Anything!
Also? His staging is super corny. He’s super corny. Everything from his unhelpful critiques, which usually involve how beautiful the girl contestant is, to his stupid poofy hair. I mean, really. He talks about himself (in a voice so much like his father’s that it is eerie) as if he truly believes what host Quddus says when he refers to the judges as “superstars.”
I buy this moniker for Kelly Clarkson (completely) and John Legend (kinda). But not these other two yahoos.
Having ranted that, the show tonight was Dullsville for me. The religious tunes were out of place (please someone outlaw Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” on all singing competitions) and the other “inspirational” efforts just fell flat. With the exception of Bridget Carrington and John Legend singing “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.” I dug that. In fact, John and his people clearly won the night for me.
I realize everybody was crying after J Rome and Jennifer’s interpretation of “How am I Supposed to Live Without You,” but I didn’t even tear up. If you know me, that’s saying something. I can cry at a cute picture of my cat these days.
Why? See my spewing about Jennifer Nettles above. My lip curls when she hits the stage. My eyes narrow into slits. And I just automatically start noticing all the ways in which she bugs me. So while I’m truly sorry J Rome’s Grandpa has passed?
I could not get into it.
As for the ousting of Alexis Foster? Again, I’m not surprised. The girl was off key in that horrid performance of “Killing Me Softly” with Robin. And she always had this look on her face that said she’d rather be being robbed at gunpoint in a 7 Eleven than singing in this competition.
She had a chance to redeem herself in the sing-off with Jason. (Please someone ban the term “sing for you life” on all these kinds of shows.) But that version of Aretha’s “Natural Woman” was enough to make Aretha turn in her grave. If she was dead, which she is not. But I’m sure at her advanced age, she probably goes to bed early. So she definitely turned over on her mattress restlessly. Maybe woke up with an uneasy feeling. Told herself “Damn. Somebody somewhere is singing one of my songs badly again. I hate it when that happens.”
Poor Aretha. And poor us if this atrocity doesn’t get any better.
I had such high hopes. I really did.
This is all Lionel Ritchie’s fault!
Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Jun 08, 2012 @ 08:54 EST5EDT
