This week was all about finales! Were you satisfied with how your shows panned out? Here are our favorite quotes from some of the most dramatic episodes all season.
The Celebrity Apprentice (Review)
“I hope I die undeveloped.” –Aubrey O’Day, on her mental transparency and lack of development
“We need to go over some ground rules for tonight, Miss Mouthy. No boys, no parties, no summoning spiritis or switching bodies … and no filling the house with soap bubbles! You hear me Tina?” — Linda
“Yes. I wear glasses, not hearing aids, Mom.” — Tina
“Hoooooooooo … !!!” — Louise
“You look so cute on the little beam! You remind me of myself when I was five.” — Wendy, to Lauren, who couldn’t practice on the regulation beam yet due to her recovery
“And here I thought you just wanted to dance with me.” — Rigo, to Payson, upon finding out that she brought him salsa dancing to prepare for her floor routine
“Mister, that ain’t the half of what I wanna do with you.” — Payson
“I didn’t fight all of these years just for a trip to London. Isn’t a gold medal worth the risk?” — Payson, explaining her motives to Sasha
“Well, this may sound selfish, but I would like my gold medal back … and that will likely only happen when you win one of your own, so let’s get busy, shall we? Romeo, beat it. We’ve got work to do.” — Sasha
“The NGO doesn’t give in to threats. That was the worst case of insubordination I’ve ever seen.” — Marcus
“That, or the greatest team ever.” — Coach McIntire
“I’d like to show you what I can do.” — Payson, approaching Coach McIntire right before her routine
“I know what you can do, Payson.” — Coach
“No. You don’t. But you’re about to find out.” — Payson
“Hey, I don’t bail! I’m still watching Smash, Criss!” — Liz
“I don’t mean it, I nice it!” — Kenneth
“You are going to make an excellent mother, as long as you follow Jack Donaghy’s 25 Pillars of Motherhood. Number 1: don’t over think the names. Stick to Kings and Queens of England. There will never be a president Ashton, or doctor Katniss, or non-sexually confused Lorne.” — Jack, to Liz
“And to think I thought Hazel was a bitch, friendly and loyal like a well-trained female dog! But she isn’t a bitch, she’s a meaniepants.” — Kenneth
“Any child would be lucky to have you be the mother it loves, then hates for a few years, then loves again, then half-heartedly defends to its spouse, then puts in a home.” — Jack
“I’m like the Dexter of sex. I love you, and then I will kill you.” — Ellie
Community (Review)
“Thank you, everyone, for joining in my celebration. As many of you know, I ate my twin sister in utero, so on my birthday, I try to remember; I’m a winner.” — Chang
“Guys like me will tell you, there’s no right or wrong, there’s no real truth. And as long as we all believe that, guys like me can never lose. Because the truth is, I’m lying when I say there is no truth. The truth is, the pathetically, stupidly, inconveniently obvious truth is, helping only ourselves is bad and helping each other is good… It’s that easy. You just stop thinking about what’s good for you and start thinking about what’s good for someone else. And you can change the whole game with one move.” — Jeff
“I can’t do this … this isn’t the face of a cold-blooded hatchet man.” — Phil
“She is to teaching what Dr. Seuss is to medicine.” –Alex (describing her gym teacher)
“Maybe that’s what I should be when I grow up … a professional medal-getter.” — Luke
“We’re ten seconds away from creating Luketonium.” — Luke (about 10 seconds before starting a fire in the chemistry lab)
“Have you checked what’s under this? This (gesturing to her body) didn’t come from sandwiches.” — Gloria
“So, you’re married to Jay? Where’d you tie up your seeing eye dog?” — Maxine, the waitress
“You don’t know terror until you’ve had to stare down the eyes of a Missouri State Trooper and talk your way out of a P.U.I.” — Cam
“Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child-rearing. What’s the latest theory? ‘Never Say No.’ I say no every day in this house.” — Claire
“But at night, she’s a yes machine.” — Phil
“No.” — Claire
“Actually, we’re doing this new thing where we let her tell us when she wants to take a nap. It’s called being your own Nap Captain.” — Cam
“You’re just a tiny bit … loud. Not all the time. Only when you, you know, when you talk.” — Jay (to Gloria)
“It’s living art. We stay perfectly still for 90 seconds basically doing nothing.” — Phil
“Sounds like my first wife.” — Colleague #1
“I don’t know, she always moved for me.” — Colleague #2
“At least you both agree it was only 90 seconds. Two nerds with one stone. I love working in an office.” — Phil
“Dude, that was surreal.” — Phil (to the kid imitating The Son of Man by René Magritte)
“Like I always say, ‘It’s better to carry a tune than a grudge.’” — Cam
“From someone who has seen hogwash, I can assure you that it’s not.” — Cam
“How do you take it?” — Dick
“Alcoholic.” — Crowley
“We need America; they’re so FAT.” — Dick
“Let’s bone this nun … sorry.” — Dean
“But I don’t know what a home is, Michael. I’ve never had one. All I know is I grew up here, I learned right from wrong here, and I fell in love here. Those people down there, they deserve a chance and you know we can give that to them. You think I’m crazy, right?” — Nikita to Michael
“That is just wrong. What numbnuts turned this place into the starship Enterprise?” — Birkhoff
“We’re all set for Christine’s baptism on the 19th. Are you still OK if I do that?” – Booth
“Absolutely. Sprinkling water on her forehead seems like an excellent way to counteract the sins she apparently committed prior to birth.” – Brennan
“I see her in my head. I can’t help it; I see her. She just has something you don’t. I’m sorry.” — Derek
“You dropped bits of Marilyn along the way like breadcrumbs.” — Derek
How I Met Your Mother (Review)
“That was not cool Ted!” – Robin
“CONTRACTION!” – Lily
“That wasn’t cool Ted?” – Robin
“I don’t always choose women there’s no future with … kind of.” – Ted
“Name one exception.” – Robin
“Victoria. Victoria was great.” – Ted
“Exactly. And you threw it all away to chase some hot piece of ass.” – Robin
“You mean you?” – Ted
“Thank you.” – Robin
“Eight or higher bro.” – Marshall
“Well, where do you rate this?” – Ted
“This is the same as what’s in little Marvin’s pants right now. A soft two.” – Marshall
Clacked by Rachel Blum-Jose 
on May 20, 2012 @ 15:50 EST5EDT
