May sweeps are finally upon us. On top of killer cliffhangers, shocking departures and surprising deaths, it also means great quotes from your favorite television shows. If we missed a quote you really liked, be sure to share it with us in the comments.
Game of Thrones (Review)
“Do you want to be a queen?” – Littlefinger
“No. I want to be the Queen.” – Margaery
“What about your father?” – Bronn
“He hasn’t sent a raven in weeks. He’s very busy; being repeatedly humiliated by Robb Stark is time consuming.” – Tyrion
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Gilly would love it here.” – Sam
“[Aside to Grenn] There’s nothing more sickening than a man in love.” – Dolorous Edd
“Someone who can rule and should rule; centuries come and go without a person like that coming into the world.” – Jorah
Bob’s Burgers (Review)
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had my pillows fluffed …” — Bob’s sister-in-law Gayle as Bob feels her up while under heavy sedation
“Got any plans this weekend?” — Dr. Yap
“Well, I have a family … so … I don’t make any plans.” — Bob
“We shovel snow in our pants! The first one to give up, get hypothermia or die … loses!” — Louise to Gene
Dancing with the Stars (Review)
“You can’t spell classical without ass.” — Mark trying to get Katherine to grab his during rehearsal
“Sharp as a razor, crisp as a Pringle, and more tension than my grandmother’s knicker elastics.” — Len complimenting Maria & Derek’s Paso Doble
Hawaii 5-0 (Review)
“What the hell happened?” – Kono
“Other than waking up a foot shorter — my worst nightmare.” – Danno
“Either this guy killed himself in a really horrible way or I found a bunch of loaded guns.” – Danno (on finding the virus)
“Nice ride. What’s her name?” – Sam
“Her name is Car.” – Danno
“We are going to take a page from McGarrett’s playbook.” – Danno
“What do you mean by that?” – Chin Ho
“Take the playbook and set it on fire.” – Danno
“Why do you dress like that? You’re in Hawaii.” – Sam
How I Met Your Mother (Review)
“I’m really sorry, I just think it’s best if Robin and I don’t see each other for a while.” – Ted
“Ted, it’s fine; I’m a child of divorce. You guys keep fighting all you want as long as the expensive gifts keep coming.” – Lily
“You need a palate cleanser.” – Barney
“Barney, please don’t try to set me up with one of Quinn’s stripper friends.” – Ted
“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it.” – Barney
“Why not, how many hints do I have to drop?” – Ted
“Go out with these three girls and your palette is going to be so cleansed you will see your reflection in it. And when you do, you can fix the hair because … have you seen yourself?” – Barney
“No, but you know what I have seen? Your stripper girlfriend’s cans. [Pauses] Wow. Wow, that was going way too far wasn’t it?” – Ted
“Babies are easy; all you need to do is watch them be cute and feed them some spaghetti!” – Lily … or perhaps not
“….I would be willingly stepping into a cage, which is something I don’t do, except for Thursdays when it’s Cage Night at the Lusty Leopard, but that’s a cardboard cage and I can get out of it anytime I want to.” – Quinn
“You can? Wow, thanks for ruining Cage Night.” – Barney
“So there’s no Baby Bootcamp at the Paramus Waldorf? [Barney shakes his head] Is there even a Paramus Waldorf?” – Marshall
“Bro.” – Barney
Bones (Review)
“This Babcock/Mobley is actually quite tame. The Garos of India would have a duel with an opposing family member, and then feast on the loser. Their cannibalism was responsible for some excellent recipes that are still in use today.” – Brennan
“You know, you always look on the bright side of things, don’t you?” – Booth
“Babcocks is savages.” – Norbert Mobley
“Babcocks are savages.” – Brennan
“See, she gets it.” – Mobley
“What, is it so terrible to have a dream?” – Hodgins
“No, not when you’re in bed.” – Caroline
“You seem irritated.” – Sweets
“Well, you’re irritating me. Didn’t they teach you, you know, how not to be irritating at shrink camp?” – Booth
“University. You can’t really graduate Phi Beta Kappa from camp.” – Sweets
Castle (Review)
“I’d say this was circa 1870. [everyone looks at him] I did a lot of research on the era. I was writing a book, a comedy about the Civil War. Turns out? Not so funny.” – Castle
“You don’t say.” – Esposito
“Why would a zombie go after a curreancy trader? At 4:00AM? In a garage?” – Beckett
“[to Ryan] This one’s easy. [to Beckett] The more intelligent the victim, the more delicious the brains.” – Castle
“Only in New York does someone walk down the street dressed as a fricking zombie and walk down the street unnoticed.” – Esposito
“Is there a police code for ‘Zombie on the Loose?’” – Castle
“Castle, do you really believe in all this zombie stuff? Because I would swear on my Nanna’s grave that Kyle Jennings was dead.” – Ryan
“No. You know what I do believe in? Driving Beckett crazy.” – Castle
“You think he remembers?” – Beckett
“When a life altering moment occurs, people remember.” – Castle
“Well, maybe it is too big to deal with. Maybe he can’t face it just yet.” – Beckett
“Do you think he ever will be?” – Castle
“Hopefully, if he feels safe.” — Beckett
New Girl (Review)
“How do you build a relationship? — Schmidt to the folks in the home
“How ’bout Viagra? I use it just to keep from falling out of bed.” — Burt
“I thought you were Asian me … but I realize I’m just Caucasian you …” — Jess to Jen
“All right, fine, I’ll leave. But you know what? Know this — you’re not the only one hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I have a broken penis. Don’t pretend you know my pain.” — Schmidt
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, a summer’s day is not a bitch.” — Nick’s poem about Caroline
Cougar Town
“If there’s one thing we’ve learned from Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds, or Sandy Bullock in The Blind Side, or Hillary Swank in that movie no one ever saw, it’s that all you need to fix minority problems is a really pretty white woman.” — Laurie
NCIS: LA (Review)
“Does she come with the building?” – Danno (on Hetty)
“Easy tiger, she’s got ears like a bat.” – Deeks
“Really? She sleep upside down, too?” – Danno
“Is there a pill we can take?” – Deeks (on wanting to avoid the smallpox virus)
“A patch? A nasal spray?” – Danno and Deeks
“Guests first.” – Deeks
“I’ve got to work on my sleeve.” – Danno
“You were throwing down more flirtation than a divorcee on a singles cruise.” – Deeks
“They live on an island.” – Callen (fearing Chin Ho and Danno can’t follow them)
“They’re cops. Not the Skipper and Gilligan.” – Sam
“You and I should retire to an island.” – Callen
“What about my family?” – Sam
“You can bring them.” – Callen
“You don’t have any hobbies. The only way a guy like you retires is with a bullet.” – Sam
“Nice.” – Callen
“You know what I’m doing after we get this guy?” – Callen
“What’s that?” – Sam
“I’m getting a hobby.” – Callen
“You know what they say about crazy women.” – Eric
“No, I don’t. What do they say?” – Nell
“I don’t know … something.” – Eric
Modern Family (Review)
“They say the important thing in life isn’t a destination, it’s the journey. The challenges you face along the way. The unexpected twists and turns. The disappointments you overcome. But they’re wrong. It’s all about the destination, especially when the destination is your amazing oceanfront hotel.” – Manny
“What do I have to do to get you to ask ‘what do I have to do to get you into this car today?’” – Phil
“He who tossed it lost it.” – Mitchell (about Bunny)
“Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, blasting some Hall & Oates. Maybe horsing around with my Mr. Microphone.” – Phil
“You never see a person on their death bed saying, “I wish I’d been a little more practical.’” – Andre (guest-star comedian Kevin Hart)
“Maybe we should find you something with a little more lumbar support. With you not havin’ a spine and all.” – Andre (to a reluctant Phil about purchasing the sports car)
“It looks like Lily’s missing and we’re offering $25 to get her back.” – Mitchell (about Cam’s Bunny poster)
“Missing: Stuffed bunny. Brown and white fur … sympathetic eyes. What are sympathetic eyes?” – Mitchell
“Not those.” – Cam (looking at Mitchell)
“It’s either this or we’re in the motel.” – Jay
“I don’t like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an h becomes an m.” – Manny
“You know, when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.” – Jay
“I was bummed not to be in my new cool car, so I wasn’t joking around with the kids like I usually do. But you know, there’s something about driving your kids around. You’re in the front, they’re in the back. They forget you’re there. You learn so much. You’re like Sigourney Weaver in Gorillas in the Mist … except gorillas make less noise chewing.” – Phil
“Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she’ll be useful when they finish buying us.” – Phil
30 Rock (Review)
“Is this one of those ridiculous reality shows like Ken Burns’s Jazz? Disgusting!” – Diana
“Jack has invested a lot of money in a restaurant I’m opening called ‘Rus.’ It is Russian cuisine. Who doesn’t love cold purple soup?” – Diana
“I really don’t watch TV … I’m more of a masturbator.” – Tracy
The Big Bang Theory (More Quotes)
“[On the phone] Hey, Howard. David Rogger here at NASA. We need to talk about your upcoming mission.” – David
“Yes, yes! I’ve been doing my push-ups. I’m still stuck at nine, but that’s going all the way down with no one holding me.” – Howard
“When you come back to Earth in a Soyuz Capsule, you free-fall from space at 500 miles per hour. And the only thing that slows you down is a little parachute that pops out right before you crash into the ground. And the whole thing was designed by the same brilliant minds who were unable to capture Rocky and Bullwinkle.” – Raj
“I’m sorry! I did, I crossed a line I didn’t mean to!” – Leonard
“Who says something like that right in the middle of sex?” – Penny
“I don’t know, it just came out! People say weird things during sex all the time.” – Leonard
“OK, well they sure as hell don’t say that.” – Penny
“It was heat of the moment!” – Leonard
“No, the heat of the moment is ‘Oh yeah, just like that.’ Not ‘Will you marry me?!” – Penny
“I’m sorry, just give me another chance.” – Leonard
“Why, so you can crawl under the covers and go, ‘Hey baby wanna go look for houses in neighborhoods with good schools?’” – Penny
Supernatural (Review)
“This is the handwriting of Metatron.” – Castiel
“Metatron? You’re saying a Transformer wrote that?” – Sam
“No, that’s Megatron.” – Dean
‘What?” – Sam
“The Transformer. It’s Megatron.” – Dean
Clacked by Ivey West 
on May 06, 2012 @ 10:00 EST5EDT
