The Vampire Diaries – Five things that need fixing now

Maybe I’m just grumpy tonight, but I’m finding a lot of things wrong with The Vampire Diaries right now. Unlike some, I haven’t been in the least bit disappointed with this season, but several things came together in this episode that are making me feel just a little bit cranky.

Too many weak women characters introduced this season
I’m looking at you, Abby and Meredith.

Meredith can’t decide who she wants to be, and it’s bugging me. Mysterious, then devoted, then altruistic, then sneaky, then devoted, then forgiving (“You killed my cousin, but that’s OK. I still want to nurse your broken brain.”). I still say she’s got more personalities than Alaric. I can’t imagine being a fan of Meredith from the books right now (didn’t read) and watching what they are doing with her character. Flesh it out, writers.

OK, maybe I’d mope around if I were a reluctant vampire too, I don’t know. But I sure as heck don’t need to see another whiner on my television screen. When Stefan does it, it’s brooding; this is different. We know that being a vampire amplifies your true personality (hence, Tyler the douchebag), so all it did was to make Abby more of a coward. So she leaves, fine by me, I could care less. But now I’m going to have to listen to Bonnie whine and bitch, which brings me to …

Too many bitchy chicks in Mystic Falls 
We already had Katherine (where the heck is she, by the way?) and Bonnie (yeah, I went there); we didn’t need Rebekah and Sage as well.

You know — you just know — that Bonnie only forgave Elena tonight because she still has a mommy and they are going to make it work. As soon as Bonnie realizes that Abby has left, it’s the cold shoulder for Elena once again. Mark my words … and get Mystic Falls a stable, reliable witch please. I’ll give Bonnie some points for not staking her mother on the spot when she wouldn’t stop moping (and for not using sex as a weapon; that makes her slightly less cliché than the other bitches). That took commitment.

Rebekah pouts like Miss Piggy and Sage takes Rebekah’s selfishness and raises the ante. Yuck. Their manipulation is just not interesting for me to watch, though at least Sage seems to have a brain in her head and cool superpowers.

Why are Elena and Caroline the only two female characters worth their weight in tampons? We know the writers can create well-rounded, three-dimensional, strong female characters. Make it so.

Psycho Alaric needs to go away
I tell you, I’ll not be responsible for my actions if Bonnie’s spell doesn’t work and Alaric roams Mystic Falls, murdering the innocent. Did Giles stalk and kill the people of Sunnydale? I think not, and these troubled teens (though now legal) need a mentor. Heck, half of them don’t have parents and the other half have terrible ones; let’s give them a pillar of consistency and have Alaric back to normal once and for all. There’s plenty of psycho to be had in this crazy town.

And Alaric? Put the ring back on … you’re making me nervous.

 Tacky double-entendres
There are the obvious lines, but that’s not what I’m referring to. It’s the symbolism — first the burning bridge (Rebekah and Sage burned theirs, get it?), and then Damon getting fucked twice — literally and figuratively.

Obvious foreshadowing
Hey, do you think Jeremy will be back in Mystic Falls soon? Because my head still hurts from being beaten with the note from Alaric and the cameo phone call with Elena. Nope, I haven’t forgotten about him, and nope, I didn’t need the reminder that he was still a player in this game.

Maybe Bonnie and Jamie will become attracted to each other — ya think? Just in case it was going to freak anyone out that they are sort-of brother and sister, the neon lights flashed that a relationship would be OK, since Jamie declared to Bonnie that he was “the one you’re not related to.” Whew, glad he cleared that up. Relax people, it’s not even as gross as Greg and Marcia Brady.

So in sum, less moping, less bitching, less psycho, less cliché. You know I’ll be back with a stellar review for a stellar episode next week, because it never takes The Vampire Diaries long to move a storyline some place infinitely better than it was the week before. Probably that history sign will be a pile of Mr. Pointies. …

Clacked by Debbie McDuffee
on Mar 22, 2012 @ 21:46 EST5EDT