The Celebrity Apprentice gets ugly and cruel

I love this picture of Clay Aiken. Aside from the fact that he’s looking like The Lorax, he’s also wearing the expression that I myself had on my face for almost the entire episode of this week’s Celebrity Apprentice. (Clay, what is up with that crazy beard? It doesn’t make you look intimidating. Just hides your cuteness and makes you look a bit silly, quite frankly. And I expect you Claymates to tweet this review out on my behalf, simply for your boy’s own good.)

I’ve been on Clay’s side since the beginning of this show for a couple of reasons. First … I was crushed when Reuben won Idol instead of him, and secondly because I know the guy has some smarts. It was nice to see him stop taking a back seat role this week and take on the arrogance that is Penn Jillette as well as stand behind project manager Lou Ferrigno.

With a forty-five minute boardroom and the whole two hour extravaganza that CA is in these early days, I think it’s best if I chop it up into categories. Are ya with me?? Yeeeeaaah Boo! (As we used to cheerlead in fourth grade.)

Here we go …

The Task both teams face this time around is a challenge from age old company O-Cedar to produce a viral video for their Mist Spray Mop. Per usual the brand messaging, entertainment value and presentation are key points to the executives of the company.

The male executive from O-Cedar just killed me when he asked the women’s team to basically do a “sex sells” theme. They definitely ran with his idea. But with lackluster results. I’ll tell you why the women (led by project manager Tia Carrere) failed miserably in their presentation…

1.) The video itself was confusing. The whole “What is your number” idea (put forth by Lisa Lampenelli) was never fully explained correctly to the audience.  Lisa goes on and freaking on in the boardroom about how creative she is, but she missed the mark on this one and should have been called to the carpet more by Tia. The script was weak and could have been a lot funnier than it was. (Which was not even mildly amusing.)

2.) Coming from a background in television producing I can tell you that I learned this next lesson the hard way. You cannot, as a producer, stick people in front of a plain white screen! It looks horrific on camera. Boring and amateurish. As if you put absolutely no effort forth for the viewer (or your client for that matter.)

3.) They showed the product but didn’t use it. Um … nuff said. Again, a mistake by Tia.

However! These chicks spend so much time whispering behind the project manager’s back (for the benefit of the cameras) how much they hate the concept and the manner in which it’s being executed that it’s ridiculous. It’s become a strategy on this show to cover your ass in the boardroom by saying early on that you don’t agree with what the key players are doing, so you can sit back on your ass and then tell Trump you knew everything was going south all along, should your team lose. I’m growing weary people! Wear-y! Step up and do something! If you dislike the concept or the t-shirts or the whatever the hell? Say so and try to take charge and change it. Geez.

Best chortle of the women’s team? Yeah. It’s got to be Dayana Mendoza’s idea of having a pregnant woman’s water break so she could use the mist mop to clean it up. Good Golly that girl is a fount of pretty uselessness.

 The Men’s Presentation was by far more interesting. It’s great that the men can argue and out of that comes a premise for their theme. (Paul putting up the slogan “I’m going to mop the floor with you.”) Now that’s making some lemonade instead of just the endless kvetching the women do, with no results. Maybe that’s why men rule the business world. They can infight yet still get things done at the end of the day and not let the drama overtake them. Sorry feministas … but there may be a lesson here.

Here are some reasons why the men’s team won by a landslide for me.

1.) Arsenio and Clay got behind underdog project manager Lou Ferrigo and helped him to shine. Not trying to drag credit in for themselves, but by agreeing to move their team forward.

2.) The overall quality of the writing and shooting of their video was presented way more professionally. It just looked better. Plain and simple.

3.) Lou dancing with the mop while the woman in front explained it’s features was just what the executives asked for. Utilize the product for gosh sake’s! It’s a mop. So mop with it!

The Boardroom, Clay Versus Penn, and Aubrey O’Day’s Big Mouth:

I think that unlike a lot of you, I’m not a big fan of the boardroom. It makes me twitch. It reminds me of the old days going up against my mother. There is no right answer to give Trump there, and he throws you off guard with a compliment before grilling the life out of you and inferring things you never said. It’s a freaking minefield. And for that reason, I can’t blame Tia for saying that it’s getting ugly and cruel at this juncture, and being relieved to get out of there.  Only the mega strong quick thinkers survive here. It’s definitely not for everyone. I’ve said before I’d probably just tell him to shove it under the pressure. Hey … life’s too short. And if I were a celebrity, I’d just cruise away in the limo and give my own money to my charity.

Who needs to have an aneurysm?

But Clay Aiken’s not like me. He can take it as well as dish it out. I loved how he took on the beast (Penn Jillette’s ego) and came out the clear winner. Penn has obviously not been questioned a lot in his life. I was surprised (and I thought it an outright lie) when Penn wanted us to believe that at his height and menacing appearance it is he that is always “condescended to.” C’mon! Does he think it’s our first time at the rodeo?

And Aubrey O’Day needs to shut it. That’s all. She is good at the game. I’ll give her that. But pleeeaaaase? For my sake? Just stop kissing Trump ass, crowing about yourself, grabbing camera time when there’s no reason for it and go away.

Wow. I guess I don’t like her.

Huh.

Who do you like? Or hate? Please feel free to loosen your jaw in the comments section below …

And one last thing? I find it hard to look at Eric Trump and Don Junior after seeing the pictures of their horrifying hunting trip to Africa. Loathsome.

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Mar 19, 2012 @ 09:00 EST5EDT