Quotation Marks – Bob’s Burgers, Top Gear and Missing

Last Sunday, fellow Clacker Michael Noble challenged the Clique to give Bob’s Burgers a try. I can’t speak for everyone, but since I do everything Mike tells me to do, I gave it a shot. Thankfully, he didn’t tell me I had to like it, because it wasn’t for me. That being said, I offer up these Burgers quotes to those I may have offended by not liking their favorite show:

Bob’s Burgers (Review)

“I can taste every flavor from the last 60 years! I can taste the Korean War!” — Gene licking taffy-making machinery
“I can taste rust!” — Andy licking taffy-making machinery
“I can taste Andy’s spit!” — Ollie licking taffy-making machinery

“Dear Diary, tonight we’re sneaking into the dangerous taffy factory. Also, if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses.” — Tina’s journal entry

“We should probably pray. Dear God: This is Tina … from school …” — Tina

“Don’t worry Louise! We’re going to get you out!” [turns to Bob] “How are we going to get her out?” — Linda
“Maybe we should smoke her out!” — Gene
“Louise! Are you sure there isn’t something down there you could use to climb out?” — Bob
“Oh wait: Here’s a grappling hook! Oh, ho ho! And here’s an escalator! Silly me!” — Louise
“We’re about to die, Louise! Do you want your last words to be sarcastic!?” — Bob
“NooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo … !!!” — Louise
“I got it! Let’s all spit in the pit and she can swim to safety!” — Zeke

The Voice (Review)

“Kim and I are both powerhouse singers, although her house is bigger than my house.” — Whitney Myer on Kim Yarbrough

“Some of the places she’s going, I’ve already been, and bought the T-shirt and the mug and all that.” — Kim Yarbrough on Whitney Myer

“She wanted to know all of the secrets in the ‘How To Be Successful’ handbook, and sadly that does not exist.” — Adam Levine on Whitney Myer

“Cee Lo found Jesus today. I did not find Jesus, but I did find a delightfully creepy performance.” — Adam Levine on Lee Koch, after Cee Lo Green compared Lee to Jesus

“Who are you?!” — Adam Levine to Blake Shelton after Blake admitted that he didn’t know Nirvana’s ‘Heart-Shaped Box’

Top Gear

“I feel like I’m mourning the loss of my husband … so I took the money and bought a Bentley.” — Adam Ferrara

“He’s lonely because he can’t get women, or he can’t get a boyfriend?” — Donald Trump on Tanner Foust

30 Rock (Review)

“None of the writers can go out on St Patrick’s day because we all have faces people naturally want to punch.” — Frank

“Live TV is such a rush! It’s like sex, but your husband isn’t looking at a picture of a bridge.” — Hazel

“May your pornography be free of diarrhea.” — German curse

“When I was a kid, you could get a prostitute for 5 dollars!” — Tracy, taking over for Andy Rooney

Missing (Review) 

“I was a Boy Scout. Den mothers do not kill ex-SISDE assassins.” — Agent Dax Miller

Happy Endings 

“You know what I’ve been thinking about? If Mary Tyler Moore married then divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Moore, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore?” – Max

Psych (Review)

“Look, all you have to do is line the people up in a row! Want me to fix this? Watch this [grabs a PA]. Take one white guy, put him in a suit, along with the rest of the Backstreet Boys, and boom!” – Milton

“They better make great TV, because I sold this to NBC, right. NBC! They make classics like Friends, and uh … uh … uh … uh … uh …” – Dimitri

“Shawn, I’ve been studying reality TV all my life for an opportunity just like this. I’m in it to win it.” – Gus

“So drop the front. You know, the whole safe brother with the boring job and your shirt tucked into your pants. That’s so ’90s, Huxtable!” – Wayne

“Can you say ‘Suspecto Numero Uno?’” – Shawn
“Suspecto….” – Gus
“Don’t do it; it sounded way better in my head.” – Shawn 

“I saw it, I knew it was coming … I was getting my heart on.” – Gus (say it out loud)

“Once you see someone have a complete mental breakdown, it’s probably a sign that he’s not a good match for you, but really it just made me think that Mario’s super-passionate, but I kinda heard my mom’s voice in my head.” – Melinda

“I’m not a doctor.” – Shawn
“Yeah, I kinda figured that when you said you graduated from ‘Bob Hoskins Medical School.’” – Melinda

Community (Review)

“Baby girl, I’ve loved you ever since there was a Soviet Union and only one Damon Wayans.” — Andre

“Weddings are like little girl’s tea parties, except the women are like stuffed animals, the men are making them talk, and they’re not drinking tea, they’re drinking antiquated gender roles.” — Britta

Fairly Legal (Review)

“Are you going to say anything, ever, or are we paying you to just sit there and look distracted?” — Ben to Kate

“It was a little hard to call you and protect my face at the same time.” — Justin to Kate

“You’re like the only guy I know who talks about the law even when he’s high.” — Kate to Justin

Vampire Diaries (Review)

“Dear Diary, A chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie will haunt me forever.”– Damon, mocking Stefan’s diary

“I was hoping we could hang … you know, a little brother bonding. I know we don’t actually hang out. We team up. We join forces to activate our Wonder Twin powers.” — Damon to Stefan

“Why are you so grumpy?” — Rebekah to Stefan
“He’s on a Master Cleanse. Trying to be a better man and all.” — Damon

Justified

“He was waiting for you in a secluded area with a shovel and some rope. What was that about? You guys doing some gardening?” — Raylan

The Haney Project 

“The beginning of anything, you’ve got to be ready to make yourself look like an ass.” — Adam Levine

“It’s better to let it show than keep it all deep down inside and become a psychopathic murderer. That would be bad.” — Adam Levine

“I don’t know whether to kick my own ass or give myself a high-five.” — Adam Levine

The Simpsons

“We’re wetting the bed?!” — Marge
“Hey, when you were pregnant, everything was we!” — Homer

Face the Nation

“So as the campaign moves across the south towards Texas — my home territory — here, as a public service, are some tips for all the candidates. First, they may call them ‘cheesy grits’ in Mississippi as Governor Romney referred to them, but in Texas they are called ‘cheese grits’ like ‘cheese burgers’ … nobody says ‘cheesy burgers,’ same with grits. Second, Texans love Mexican food. And someone is bound to offer you candidates a tamale. They’re great. They are wrapped in a corn husk. It’s called a ‘shuck.’ You take it off before you take a bite. During the ’76 campaign someone gave President Ford a tamale right in front of The Alamo. He didn’t know about the shuck and took a big bite, shuck and all. Nearly choked. No one remembered anything else about the day. So just remember, candidates: Shuck the tamale, then eat it. You’re gonna really like tamales.” — Bob Schieffer offering advice to candidates in the coming week

“Well, that’s it for us today. Thank you for being with us this morning. We’ll be here same place, same Bat channel next week on Face The Nation. See you then.” — Bob again