Surprise, surprise, surprise.
American Idol was full of them in its opening salvo. With the Top 12 Guys taking the stage to get things started, this episode has to go down as one of the strangest beginnings in Idol history.
Look: I’m not opposed to mixing things up, different takes on songs, frolickous antics. But the songs the guys sang were a kid’s ride at a cheesy park carnival. They were woosy, tooth-decaying, off-key and barely above average for the most part. You were left wondering if the judges really didn’t get some of these guys right when they chopped those hundreds of hopefuls down to a mere couple dozen. (And don’t worry: We’ll get to the judges and their monkey business.)
Here are The Guys in all their glory:
Reed Grimm began with a loungy but interesting take on Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger” to (I guess you could say) interesting effect. Reed is a showman. And he did work the crowd as he promised. Mr. Grimm will go far. Mark my words.
Adam Brock: I wouldn’t dare to claim his “Think” was indicative of the “white chocolate” moniker he’s pinned on himself, because he can do so much better. His performance wasn’t bad in the least, but it wasn’t great. Rest assured he will push the envelope later on down the line.
Reed and Adam? Best performances of the night. If not for them, this episode of Idol would have been a bust. Things went completely downhill after they left the stage:
Deandre Brackensick slayed Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Reasons” … and not in a good way. The judges took no notice he did poorly. He strained and struggled and couldn’t hold notes in parts of the song … especially during the falsettos. The song didn’t eat him up, but it could have.
Colton Dixon picked up right were Deandre left off with “Decode.” And here I thought Deandre’s song was bad. Colton screamed and fumbled his tune. Weird stuff. And still the judges paid no heed.
Jeremy Rosado: “Gravity” *yawn* Wow. That was boring as hell. “You sang your butt off today and that’s as beautiful as beautiful gets” claimed Steven Tyler of Jeremy’s performance. If his ass fell off, as Tyler suggested, it would have been the best part of the time we spent with him on this song. Tyler’s follow-up comment when our little buddy Ryan Seacrest asked him how he was doing (“I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar”) hit the nail on the head because this was the third performance in a row that perplexed the hell out of me.
Aaron Marcellus: The only thing I can say about Aaron’s “Never Can Say Goodbye” is that it was above average. Really … I have nothing more to say about it.
Chase Likens‘ “Storm Warning” deserves a front page headline: “News Flash! Country boy turns in predictable country performance!” (Can you feel the dripping sarcasm?)
I cannot understand Creighton Fraker‘s presence in the Top 12 on Idol. His “True Colors” was not only completely off the mark, but so were the judges’ comments to him post-performance. Again.
Phillip Phillips “In The Air Tonight” wins the prize for “Most Confusing Interpretation Of The Night.” There are some songs that shouldn’t be messed with. This song isn’t necessarily one of those, but Phillips’ rendition of Phil Collin’s immediately recognizable tune stumbled, stumbled again, then fell flat on its face. Even the dopey “twinge” beat the band supplied throughout seemed out of place. Here … check it out for yourself:
I said it before and I’ll say it again: Eben Franckewitz won’t get far in this competition. Not the way he sings, at any rate. Oh … the bubblegum contingent will keep him around (even my daughter likes him), but his uneven and McCrackily voice makes me wish David Leathers Jr. had made it through instead. *sigh*
Heejun Han “Angels” was so sweet I think I have a cavity. I want to see Heejun mix it up. He’s more than capable of getting daring and bold. This tune however was empty sugar-coated calories.
And it appears Joshua Ledet followed Heejun’s lead with his take on “You Pulled Me Through.” I think I fell asleep half way through his offering.
I certainly hope a night like this isn’t indicative of the remainder of the season. If it is, I won’t be able to handle it. Idol has always (yes … I used always) pulled through for me here and there. It will … it will.
And then “The Surprise” Idol has been hocking since last week — the guy the judges brought back for a second chance. It’s Jermaine Jones, the so-called gentle giant. While his try at Luther Vandross’ “Dance With My Father” wasn’t bad, it was pretty much all of what you’re going to hear in the way of anything different from Jones. With a baritone like his, there’s only so much you can do with it. Trust me: He’s going to crash and burn on a few tunes, showing in the end the judges were wrong about bringing him back. He cannot last.
Wednesday night it’s The Gals. Thankfully. They’ll certainly put the guys to shame with what they’ll pull out of their hats.
Notes:
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Feb 29, 2012 @ 08:50 EST5EDT
I think the BIGGEST problem of the night was song choice. How in the hell did they make it this far in a singing competition and NOT know how to choose songs that fit their style and sound?
I’m all for “Stepping outside the box”, but really? You can’t do that and still find something well suited to your sound? I call bullshit.
OMG thank you. What was worse than last night was I couldn’t find anyone calling them out. Worse performance ever. And I’m talking about the judges. Laughabke!
Totally disagree – what planet are you on? I never re-listen to songs but 4 times last night it was a joint decision to go back and listen again. Phillip Phillips, Eben F, Heejun Jan and Jermaine Jones were fantastic. Standing ovations and you fell asleep? Perhaps that’s why you didn’t appreciate them: you were SLEEPING. I do think Heejun and Jermaine could’ve picked better songs to show off their skills, but they did fab on the ones they picked. And Phillip Phillips is far too talented for AI in the first place – he’ll become a star regardless of such insipid reviews as yours.
*POST AUTHOR*
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I’m glad you disagree, Sheila.
That only goes to prove people have different likes and dislikes.
I praised Phillips in an earlier post (https://clak.us/t2r8p). Go take a gander.
I stand by my statements above. And I’m betting the girls leave the guys in their dust after this evening’s show.
…….. gone are the days where the contestant stands in front of Simon with ‘the deer in the headlights’ look on their face. Full of fear. Just sing any old crap and badly and these three will praise you to heaven. WTF? Can’t even begin to express my sadness. I say next year they comb the country for 3 new judges…… These 3 stink and therefore their contestants will continue to stink. Nobody wins.
Michael, why don’t you tell us what you really think?
Just kidding. I know you did. I wanted you to think I read your column as carefully as JLo & Steven apparently listened to the performances last night. [Goes to get mop and bucket for the “dripping sarcasm” cleanup.]
I have a simple 1-5 rating system I use when watching AI. Then I award a 7 to the blow-away performances that deserve a completely different scale. My card was filled with 3s & 4s last night. Not a single 5, let alone a 7. [Yes, Aaron & Adam were 4s, as was Jermaine. If he can stick around for Show Tunes night and we can get “Old Man River” out of him, we might see a 5 or even 7. Otherwise his range is too limited for this show.]
I love Heejun, but tonight was a disappointment from him as well as others.
BTW, I watched an old B&W called “I Married A Witch” last night just before turning to AI. I think that fantasy movie had more truth in it than the judges’ evaluations. And less sugary sweetness.
There was alot of criticism last year for the judges just giving fluff comments to everyone and never saying anything critical. Earlier this year the judges said they were going to be tougher this year. Last night was just one big lovefest!!! They have got to get real!
Effeminate offerings, eh? Why not just come out and say “That was so gay.”
Either way, a pretty juvenile way to summarize your critique.
*POST AUTHOR*
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Yes. “Effeminate,” David.
Jennifer Hudson’s “You Pulled Me Through”, Sara Bareilles “Gravity”, Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors”, Paramore’s “Decode” (lead sung by Hayley Williams), Adam Brock’s “Think” … all songs by or sung by females. Add to that Deandre’s failed falsettos, Heejun’s song’s sweetness and it adds up to more than half the songs sung by the guys as being effeminate. That doesn’t mean it was “gay”; if I’d meant to say “gay” I would have said “gay” … and I would have meant it if I’d have said it.
It was the delicacy of the performances that either didn’t work for the hopefuls or which made them fall on their collective faces. Using the word “effeminate” in reference to someone doesn’t automatically assume that person bats for the other team.
It’s not a juvenile way to summarize a critique in the least.
However … assuming that was the manner in which it was offered does seem rather juvenile to me.
I disagree about Joshua, I enjoyed his performance. The rest was not good and the judges were tougher during Hollywood week they need to get back to that or these kids are going to bore me to death.