Quotation Marks – Pan Am, The Amazing Race and New Girl

One of my favorites, Pan Am, gets the featured spot this week in honor of its series season finale. The doomed ABC Jet Age drama kicks off a solid week for quotes, including some great stuff from New Girl, the Big Bang Theory and 30 Rock.

Pan Am (Review)

“I dated a prince once.” – Maggie
“You did?” – Laura
“Johnny Esposito. His father was the muffler king of Clatsop County. Every time we pulled into a filling station, we were royalty.” – Maggie

“I guess if you really love someone, that makes them perfect, even if they don’t necessarily feel the same way about you.” – Ted

“You’ve come a long way from the stewardess who didn’t think she could switch a passport.” — Richard
“That was a lifetime ago. My biggest problem was my sister on the cover of a magazine. My parents were the enemy. And this country was Camelot. “ – Kate

The Walking Dead (Review)

“He thinks the baby’s his. No matter what … it’s yours.” — Lori to Rick

The Simpsons

“I pick up books like you pick up beers!” — Lisa
“Then you have a serious reading problem.” — Homer

“I’ll have you know I’m also a hair donor. Salma Hayek wore me to the Oscars.” — Otto

“Cancel their subscription to the opera!” — Sideshow Mel
“But I hate the opera.” — Homer
“Then get them a subscription to the opera!” – Sideshow Mel
“Noooooooooooooooooo … !!!” — Homer

The Amazing Race (Review)

“My uterus is in my throat!” — Vanessa in mid-air during the skydiving Road Block

“I’m half Mexican and I hate them for a reason.” — The ever-charming Brendon trying to catch up to the first place border patrol officers

“This is the first time I have made a pinata.” — Good ole boy Bopper, making an empanada

House (Review)

“So nobody cares about the job until I apply and suddenly it’s the last limited edition light saber at Comic-Con.” – Park

“I’m guessing your testosterone level is just below Bieber.” – House

“If it isn’t the old ball and Ukraine …” – House

“In high school, they called me the Book-y Monster.” – Park

The Voice (Review)

“I was gonna hit it for you.” — Adam to Cee Lo, who’s talking about almost hitting his button for Anthony Evans
“Never touch another man’s button.” — Blake

“I make sandwiches for a living, so this is awesome.” — Jamie Lono
“You know what, we should hook up, man, because I eat sandwiches.” – Cee Lo

Alcatraz (Review)

“It’s a killing jar for people.” — Rebecca referring to the subway

How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“Do you think…” – Barney
“OK, I already know I don’t want to hear this.” – Lily
“Do you think that if we did it…” – Barney
“Yep, I was right, I don’t want to hear this.” – Lily
“… and I did a really good job …” – Barney
“Please leave.” – Lily
“ … that I could turn that into my baby?” – Barney

“Bros before hos, right. And no matter how mad she made me, Robin’s still my bro. And if uh, you make her happy, then that makes me happy.” – Barney
“Barney, you’ve really grown up, you know that?” – Ted
“Thanks. Now let’s watch our two best friends have sex on tape.” – Barney
“I’ll make the popcorn.” – Ted

“He’s lying, Robin. He’s trying to be strong but its killing him, and so as his best friend I have to say something, that he loves you just way too much to say: You gotta move out.” – Marshall

RuPaul’s Drag Race

“Madame LaQueer wasn’t doing much. Milan just danced circles around you, and Swiffered the floor with his taint.” — Willam, commenting on the “Lip Sync for Your Life” performance



”I don’t understand why people take their wigs off. This is a drag show, not wig wars.” — Willam

Castle (Review)

“Weird. Fake deaths, car in the water. Don’t you think now is a good time to tell us what the hell is going on?” – Esposito
“Uhhhh.” – Castle
“I’m sorry, Javi, it’s classified.” – Beckett
“I was Special Forces. I used to eat ‘Classified’ for breakfast. And yet, Writer-Boy can know?” – Esposito

“So you slept with her?” – Beckett
“Yeah, I slept with her.” – Castle
“Have there been others?” – Beckett
“Women?” – Castle
“Muses.” – Beckett
“No, why?” – Castle
“I just wanted to see how big the club was, that’s all.” – Beckett

Top Gear

“It’s like you hope something like this will happen to your friend, and then when it finally does, you feel so much better.” — Rutledge as Tanner is being electrocuted

“Somehow, being electrocuted makes you a better driver.” — Rutledge to Adam

Excused

“Your hair looks like a photograph of a hydrogen bomb explosion. You’re excused.” — Iliza Shlesinger

New Girl (Review)

“I want you to know … that was the last time. Okay? This is over.” — Cece to Schmidt after their 3rd round of sexploitations
“But we haven’t even gotten to the cheese course … a little sharp, aged cheddar … Manchego… basic buttery Gruyere … you sure you want to miss out … I just wanna peel the wax off your Babybels …” — Schmidt
“What are you even saying?” — Cece
“
How bout a little stinky Taleggio….” — Schmidt
“Why is this working? I am so turned on right now….” — Cece
“Or maybe some cream cheese … want some schmear, Cece? You know what? Cece, you should go. Because if you have the strength to turn all this down [gestures at himself] … do it.” — Schmidt
“Yeah. I’m good.” — Cece leaves

“So … are you going to ‘three-peat’ this ho?” — Jess

“You may want to change that.” — Jess, suggesting the “I’ve Got Wood” caption on a class project be altered

“Is this one of those fortune telling cactuses?” — Winston to Nick on the cactus Julia gave him

“I’m like a sexual snowflake: Each night is a unique experience.” — Schmidt to Cece

“Wanna party with Havarti?” — Schmidt
“Fine. Gimme the damned cheese …” — Cece

“Why is your voice so deep like a man’s? Your happiness seems like a mask.” — Jess’ student Brianna to Jess

“L’chaim! To humping! It’s like a river — did you feel that? Did you feel that? Did you feel me sweeping you along with the current of my body? You were like a canoe on my body river. (Laughs) Like you’d ever be seaworthy with those breasts. (Laughs again) Boobies.” — Schmidt

“Hi, who do I speak to re: getting something removed from the internet? Yeah, I can hold.” — Jess

Cougar Town (Review) 

“… And then Ansel Adams here takes pictures of it.” — Jules
“You know who Ansel Adams is?” — Travis
“No … but I can tell by your tone I used her name right!” – Jules

“You’re getting married! That’s so romantic, like that movie Inception, when Leo loves his wife so much, but then she gets mad and moves to this weird city where there’s like, no people and earthquakes all the time. Then he ends up on Snow Mountain and falls in love with Juno?” — Laurie
“Aw, Jellybean, you didn’t understand that movie at all, did ya?” — Ellie
“No. But I cried so hard at the end.” – Laurie 

American Idol (Review) 

“What are you sweatin’, Heejun?” — Ryan Seacrest during a mini-interview with Heejun Han
“[in a dead serious monotone ] Mostly water …” — Heejun

“It’s the most complex thing to sum up in three words: I have to sing.” — Adam Brock … making not a three-word but a four-word statement

Survivor (Review)

“We needed a tarp like a fat kid needed cake.” — Sabrina, after the women lost the reward challenge

“Colton is like a virus, like there seems to be not a cure for him.” — Sabrina, who just wants Colton to stay with the men’s tribe

Raising Hope

“Wilbur and I had the exact right mix of weirdness. He liked to put raisins on his pizza. And I couldn’t have an orgasm unless he choked me.” — MawMaw

“If she’s afraid of spiders, she’s sleeping in the wrong house. This place is so full of spiders, I even named a couple of them. I ran into Arlo last week in the hallway, with his three kids and his wife… um… oh, I’m not going to remember that name.” – Burt

30 Rock (Review)

“I don’t know a lot about business, but he did an Internet and now the computers like him and Wall Street is Google!” — Jenna

“Kenneth, I’ve watched Newt Gingrich eat a plate of ribs, I think my stomach can handle some rhubarb leaves.” — Jack

“Oh my, it looks like we have a slut-off on our hands.” — Jenna

“Right now there are models waking up from their coke binges, multi-ethnic bartenders with daddy issues, former ballerinas who had to quit because their boobs got too big. They’re going to hear about the horny billionaire, and Thad is going to forget all about his little crush. They’re coming Liz. Click click! That’s their stilettos! Click click!” — Jenna, to Liz on the billionaire who has a crush on her

The Office (Review)

“English people’s use today is judging American people’s talent.” — Dwight

Big Bang Theory (More Quotes)

“It does have an ‘O’ in front of it: ‘Oh my God I’m an astronaut and you’re dying of jealousy!’” – Howard

“Quick question here: Have we actually changed the conversation from ‘I’m going to astronaut training’ to ‘Sheldon can’t get a haircut?’” – Howard
“Now who’s dying of jealousy? Oh: it’s you.” – Raj

“So, if I move my horsey here, isn’t that checkmate and I win?” – Penny
“Hmmm.” – Leonard
“Well, is it or isn’t it?” – Penny
“You know, I think this is a good stopping point. It’s your first real game; I threw a lot of information at you.” – Leonard
“No, your king is trapped. He can’t go here because of my lighthouse, he can’t go here because of my pointy-head guy.” – Penny
“Like I said: complicated game.” – Leonard
“So did I win or not?” – Penny
“Did you have fun? Because if you had fun, then you are, you are a winner. You know, that’s what chess is all about.” – Leonard

Parks and Rec (Review)

“Is this all the eggs you have?” – Ron  (holding 2 dozen eggs)
“Yes. What are you making?” — Donna
“Eggs.” –  Ron

“Never half-ass two things. Full-ass one thing.” — Ron

Fringe (Review)

“I don’t understand how this table just knocked itself over.” – Astrid
“A dying man suddenly vanishes from in front of our eyes and the thing you’re wondering is what happened to the table.” – Lincoln

“What, do you think she’s waiting for you at your house after she’s been kidnapped?” – Astrid
“I suppose it makes as much sense as anything else that’s gone on here.” – Walter
“It doesn’t make any sense.” – Astrid
“My point exactly.” – Walter

Grimm (Review)

“How long will it take us to do 10 miles? “ — Nick
“It depends on how fast we drive. “ – Hank

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

“A woman is selling a Chicken McNugget that looks like George Washington. Really? If I wanted a President made out of Chicken McNuggets, I’d just vote for Newt Gingrich.” — Jimmy Fallon