After watching the pilot for ABC’s The River, I was certainly willing to give it a go. In fact, I signed myself up on the CliqueClack wall-o-shows to be its regular reviewer. I was fond of the documentary-style, hidden-camera method of filming, as it was something a bit different, at least for television. Though I still don’t exactly know why I — or anyone else — continue to be attracted to movies of this sort, I somehow am still able to enjoy them for what they are.
This, though … it just isn’t working out. Lets look at why a movie like Paranormal Activity and its sequels works, where The River does not:
Bad acting — Paranormal Activity and similar movies may not be the best example of great acting, but they are at least capable of pulling of a more convincing “candid” style than what we’re seeing on The River. In the movies, the characters display a more “regular Joe” appearance in how they act and react. They don’t come off as much as people acting. While maybe the actors in The River are better actors overall, they’re just not good at pulling off the “OH MY GOD THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!” person. Except Paulina Gaitan (Jahel Valenzuela) — sorry, but she’s just not very good in this role, period.
Music — For some reason it just occurred to me in last night’s episode that one big difference The River has from similarly-filmed movies is the presence of music. I’m not entirely sure this is something that severely negatively impacts the pull of the show, but it’s certainly something that seems really odd when it’s accompanying what’s supposed to be found footage. I wonder how the whole thing would feel if dramatic music wasn’t accompanying what could be a shocking moment.
Unexplained footage — There have been a few instances where cameras have captured things that aren’t from those hidden about the boat. There are only two camera operators: Clark and A.J.. However, we’ll see a scene where an obviously non-stationary camera is filming a private scene … and it’s not one of those guys. Pulls me right out of the story.
Not compelling at all — At first I sort of saw why I cared about the missing Dr. Emmet Cole. He seemed like a cool guy, beloved by millions who watched his show. Very quickly, though, its being revealed that he’s basically just a cheating crazy person. Why should I care about this guy or why this crew is risking their lives to find him? Don’t get me started on how ludicrous it is that the boat is able to simply call in for food supplies, when we were supposed to believe they were in the middle of uncharted territory. That’d be like Gilligan being able to order up a pizza … yet they still can’t get off the damned island.
While I’m done reviewing the show, I’m likely not completely done watching it. Oh it may just fill up a lot of DVR space before I get to ever catching up, if at all, but I can’t see I’ll feel like I’m missing out if I fall behind.
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:37 EST5EDT
