Not hating Zooey Deschanel (and other feminist concerns) – Clacking with Julia

Most of the time I do not believe that the world is full of fundamentally stupid people. But every so often an issue comes along that makes me want to pull my hair and scream over because I cannot understand how people are so mind-bogglingly idiotic as to simply fail to understand what seems to me to be a very simple thing. I think the greatest issue of our time that causes me to regularly go into a state of rubbing my face in exhaustion and yelling “ARRRRRGH” at my ceiling is the universe’s consistent inability to understand Zooey Deschanel and anything even remotely related to her. (This also forms the basis of my tangential massive grudge against the universe: any and all analysis of the movie (500) Days of Summer. Tom is a presumptuous dick who doesn’t listen to a word Summer says, and no, you don’t want to marry him, and no, he is not “the perfect guy.” And this is the entire point of the movie, writer of the bazillionth blog article that acts like this is brand new information that they are the very first to discover. Congratulations, you watched the trailer past the part where it said “this is not a love story” and weren’t distracted by Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s dimples. What do you want, a prize? A cookie? End rant.)

Can someone please explain to me what, exactly, Zooey Deschanel has done to make her so hated? She seems to me like a pretty mild, run-of-the-mill celebrity. Her aesthetic is slightly twee, but I don’t really get the problem with that. Does a kitten die every time someone takes a picture with instagram? Is that it? Plus, honestly, she doesn’t seem that twee to me, from what I have gathered from her twitter and other various internet presences. Sure, she favors things that are cute and happy, but, if YouTube is any indication, so does 99% of humanity. No, what people seem to object to is the way she has been packaged as some sort of quirky hipster goddess. And, I agree, it’s annoying, but I don’t see what the point of getting mad at her is when most of that work is done by the Hollywood publicity machine. Think of them as a dubious meat packaging plant. They see a person and decide to slap a label on them to make them easier to sell to the average consumer. Getting mad at Zooey Deschanel — or any celebrity, for that matter — for that is roughly the equivalent of finding a rat paw in your hotdog and thinking it’s the hotdog’s fault, or being angry that hotdogs exist because you’re a vegetarian. It’s fine to not like the metaphorical hotdog. But for the love of god, can we not blame the hotdog?

The Zooey Deschanel Hotdog Conundrum is one that’s been bugging me on and off (mostly on) since New Girl started, because everyone and their mother seems to think it’s the awesomest new thing to write about how terrible the show is, how terrible Zooey’s character Jess is, how being cutesy is a problem or anti-feminist, blah blah blah. (See example article here.) And I have one thing to say to every single one of these critics: fuck you.

I am 23 years old, and I, on the surface, look like a normal, average sort of pretty-cute type girl who perhaps likes scarves more than others in her peer group. I like adorable things more than is probably appropriate, I have a distinct uncomfortableness with my own sexuality (other people’s, fine, but mine, I will change the subject), I’m socially awkward and blurt out inappropriate things at too-loud volumes all the time, I get enthusiastic about weird things no one else gets enthusiastic about. I like wearing dresses. My ideal man is Mr. Rogers (but not in looks, in personality). All my favorite underwear has polka dots on it, and you know what, I like it that way. I like seeing people like Jess on television because that’s what I’m like. And is Jess a caricature? Yes. But is practically every sitcom character to ever exist also a caricature? Yes. So is all this whining just  a poorly concealed hateboner for Zooey Deschanel for not being “their kind of weird” or perfectly representing them in every way? Yes, yes, a million times yes, and oh my god, if I see one more woman complaining about this show under the guise of feminist rage, I will be forced to introduce them to Susan B. Anthony and Mary Wollstonecroft, which is what I have named my fists.

I could take time to once again go through explaining, in very small words so that everyone can understand me, that the only way to be a “bad feminist” or “anti-feminist” is to judge other women for the choices they make and who they choose to be, but you know what, I felt like this week’s episode of New Girl did it so much better than I ever could. It was what I call an “Oh Snap! Episode,” which is basically when a show takes something everyone’s been bugging them about and uses it as a central episodic conflict to both acknowledge the criticism and give critics a not-so-subtle middle finger. (Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock have both perfected this down to an art form.)

The episode storyline we are concerned with goes roughly like this: Jess’ roommate (and probable eventual love interest) Nick has a new girlfriend named Julia, played by Lizzy Caplan. (And can I take a second to say how weird it is to me that a TV character has my name? I’ve been having trouble making peace with this.) Julia is a tough, straight-shooting, in-your-face, tomboy-type lawyer, and she does not like Jess. She agrees to help Jess get out of a parking ticket, but refuses all of Jess’s attempts to make friends with her. They get in a fight because Julia was pumping Jess for information on if Nick was seeing anyone else, and Jess tells Nick, and Julia yells at Jess and assumes that a) she was trying to steal Nick by making her look crazy and clingy and b) that she thinks Jess is absolutely ridiculous and needs to grow up. Jess, in response, tells Julia that that’s just who she is, and maybe Julia should, instead of criticizing her, learn that you don’t have to be mean or pretend not to care about things all the time. And Julia apologizes. And makes efforts to bond with Jess and her girlier friends. And comes out the better for it. Hooray, a sensible and relatively well-handled meta discussion on why both responsibility and frivolity are things that all people, including women, need to find a balance between!

I don’t know why I was shocked, then, that critics completely missed the point. So look, you guys, I know Julia is the voice on the show for all your frustrations and you want her to be right and vindicated because you want to be right and vindicated, but I’m sorry, you’re both wrong. There was a very clear message to the story here, and it wasn’t “Julia secretly longed to be girly like Jess because that’s the right way to be.” The message to this story, and to every column I have ever written about feminism (and frankly, I’m starting to get a little bored with writing the same thing), is that there are precisely two things women can do that isn’t “the right way to be a woman”:

1. Be or identify as a man, in which case you’re not a woman, so why are you reading this;
2. Attempt to belittle, insult, or berate other women because they’re not fitting whatever standard you have of what being female should look like.

It’s fine to have women in your life you don’t like — lord knows I do. And it’s fine to not like Zooey Deschanel or New Girl. It’s fine for it to just not be your cup of tea. But I do not ever again want to hear someone try to justify their perfectly rational dislike of Zooey Deschanel, New Girl, or basically anything to do with any woman, ever, by trying to pass it off as them being some sort of affront to feminism and/or vagina-having individuals everywhere.  I don’t want to hear any more arguments on what the right and idealized type of woman is and what the wrong type is. It is just as toxic and hateful to hear that you have to be a strong woman who doesn’t need relationships or traditionally feminine anything and who must be tough and fearless as it is to hear that women must be weak, vulnerable, delicate flowers. I am tired — I am so goddamn tired — of being told that there is no right way to be as a woman, because no matter what I or any other women does, we will be too something, and that will be anti-feminist, and we will be wrong and should be ashamed of ourselves. I yearn for the day with every fiber of my being where that never happens again. And when that day comes, I’m going to throw a party. Come however you like, but you should know, I’ll be making hotdogs.

Clacked by Julia Hass
on Feb 03, 2012 @ 16:45 EST5EDT