Modern Family – The Lite Brite that drops the F-Bomb

If you ask me, the controversy surrounding tonight’s Modern Family was much ado about nothing. Did the actress playing Lily even actually say the F-Word? Somehow I doubt it. Believe it or not, tonight was my first foray into the world of Modern Family. I wanted to see what all the fuss (both the normal “fuss” and the controversy “fuss”) was all about. I love a good auto-tune YouTube video (embedded for your viewing pleasure).

The show also had some really funny quotes. These were some of my favorites:

“Busy day at the Dunphy compound. We have a wedding tonight, and this afternoon Claire is debating Duane Bailey in the race for town council. And now, the Weekly Saver says that some voters find Claire quote ‘Angry and Unlikable.’ To those voters I say, ‘Wait ‘till she sees this.’” – Phil

“Well, I just don’t think it’s a big deal. I mean, just how many people read the Weekly …” – Claire
“Saver?” – Hailey
“… Saver anyway?” – Claire
“22,000 ish [gets a look from Claire]. My company adver … my company used to advertise with that newspaper.” – Phil
“And how am I ‘angry and unlikable?’” – Claire
“Can I take this one?” – Hailey
“I wouldn’t.” – Phil

“Do you know what this is?” – Mitch
“A box!” – Lily
“ … Containing?” – Mitch
“She doesn’t know ‘containing.’” — Cam
“Well that’s how she learns new words, by us using them.” – Mitch
“Or that’s how we lower her self-esteem, by bombarding her with confusing vocabulary.” – Cam
“What’s the box containing?” – Lily

“[On Lily’s light-up dress] You know what, if the bride wants to have a tacky wedding, she can have a tacky wedding. Lily will be the bright spot.” – Mitch
“Literally.” – Cam
“Heard it as soon as I said it.” – Mitch

“[Walking in the door] Stella? Where’s my good girl? … Gloria, is Stella up there?” – Jay
“No, but I am? Why don’t you say hello to your wife when you come home?” – Gloria
“Why don’t you greet me at the door wagging your tail?” – Jay

“Seriously? Manny you teach to swim by throwing him in the pool; but the dog gets swimming lessons.” – Gloria
“I’ve got to say. It was unpleasant, but effective.” — Manny

“She didn’t jump in the pool, she fell in the pool. Why suddenly would she jump in the pool, when she doesn’t know how to swim?” – Jay
“Why does she bark at the vacuum? [To Stella] It’s a thing. It’s never going to play with you.” – Gloria

“I have a bad side?” – Claire
“Yeah, the left.” – Hailey
“No, it’s the right.” – Phil
“Ah, Dad, it’s totally the left. I mean look at it.” – Hailey
“Sweetheart, why do you think I choose my side of the bed?” – Phil

“I cannot believe you left!” – Mitch
“I’m sorry! But you know I have two weakness: children cursing and old people rapping.” – Cam

“Mom, please don’t go viral.” – Hailey
“OK, I’ll add that to my list of things not to do: don’t touch my face, don’t roll my eyes, don’t point my fingers and definitely don’t go viral. Do any of you still believe in me?” – Claire
“Of course we do; we’re on your side.” – Phil
“The right side, not the left.” – Luke

“And I’m afraid that doggie suicide is all too real. It’s just the mainstream media doesn’t report on it because its not as sexy as feline AIDS.” – Duane Bailey

“OK, but first honey, we need to talk about something. It’s about that word you said this morning.” – Mitch
“What word?” – Lily
“You know, the one that starts with ‘F.’” – Mitch
“Flower?” – Lily
“No.” – Mitch
“Fruit?” – Lily
“No.” – Mitch
“If she doesn’t remember it, maybe we shouldn’t reminder her.” – Cam
“Oh, you mean [bleep!]” – Lily
“[giggles]” – Cam
“Cam, leave the room.” – Mitch

“What are we going to do, cancel?” – Mitch
“Yes. Maybe we just call and say, ‘We’re not going to any more weddings until the gays can get married.’” – Cam
“Oh, so now we’re political? We leave town on Gay Pride Weekend because we don’t like the traffic.” – Mitch

“I, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to my wife. I mean with their wives … not me, them. Look, I should probably just sit down and say nothing, but it’s too late, I am standing, and I’m obviously talking, and now you’re looking at me, and I feel the need to keep going. First of all, no charges were filed. Everyone had a good laugh … about the situation, not about me, everything’s fine down there.” – Phil

“She’s on verbal lock-down. She’s been dropping a certain curse word all day. Yeah, so we’re just hoping the next one doesn’t happen during the wedding.” – Mitch
“If it does, it’ll be the second most embarrassing thing to happen to our family today.” – Phil
“Phil, you said it wasn’t that bad?” – Claire
“That was in the car … we’re in church now.” – Phil

Clacked by Ivey West
on Jan 18, 2012 @ 22:08 EST5EDT