Quotation Marks – Quotes from Chuck, 30 Rock and Castle

The best part about the new year so far? A large collection of TV quotes to share with you. We’ve got selections from shows like Chuck, The Secret Circle, The Middle and 30 Rock. As always, if we missed one of your favorite quotes, be sure to share it with us in the comments!

Chuck (Review)

“What am I … Chief Googler?” — Casey

“Well, it doesn’t change the plan. It just means we have one last mission.” — Sarah
“Why would she….” — Morgan
“No!” — Chuck
“Come on, Walker.” — Casey
“What?” — Sarah
“Things never turn out well when you say, ‘one last mission.'” — Chuck
“Is this because of some stupid movie?” — Sarah
“Yes.” — Chuck and Morgan in unison
“You never say ‘one last mission.'” — Casey
“Never.” — Chuck

Grimm (Review)

“Which hand did the fingerprint come from?” — Renard
“The one he doesn’t have …” — Griffin

The Secret Circle (Review)

“His grandpa was some kind of big voodoo king. And he’s kinda cute.” – Faye
“In a serial killer living in his mom’s basement kind of way.” – Melissa
“We’re witches, dammit, we can get whoever we want, right?” – Diana
“You mean with magic?” – Melissa
“No. Because we’re tough … and we’re witchy … and we’re dressed kinda slutty.” – Diana

Bones (Review)

“I have a bad feeling about this.” – Cam, channeling Star Wars

“I’m telling you my grandfather would expect me to know what to do. Did I ever tell you he was a code breaker back in World War II? Huh? Worked for Admiral Nimitz.” – Hodgins
“Mine worked for Colonel Chicken … What, it’s kind of military: he had a uniform.” – Wendell 

“A set of orders was passed down through channels that even the Almighty himself would need an atlas and a double shot of bourbon to navigate.” – Caroline

The Big Bang Theory (More Quotes) 

“[Starting a magic trick] … completely empty box; if you’d like to examine it.” – Howard
“Yep, I see nothing in this box but a wasted childhood.” – Leonard
“Little snarky there, cello lessons.” – Howard

“Has she tried on the vest yet?” – Howard’s Mother
“I just gave it to her!” – Howard
“I hope it fits. She has a tricky figure.  She’s short and stacked like me!” – Howard’s Mother
“She’s not stacked like you, ma – she never steps on hers!” – Howard

“He’s in trouble with his girlfriend and needs to buy her a present.” — Penny
“Great; trouble with girlfriends is what’s putting my daughter through USC.” – Jewelry salesman

“Look, Howard, I’d say there’s lots of fish in the sea, but I’ve seen you dangle your hook in that water for years; do not throw her back.” – Leonard

The Middle (Review)

“When somebody dies you’re not supposed to cook.” – Frankie
“Why not?” – Axl
“Because, you’re not supposed to cook when you’re sad.” – Frankie
“Are you sad all the time, Mom?” – Brick
“Yes.” – Frankie

“Brick, you gotta start paying more attention to your assignments if you want to get a decent grade. Sean told me our teacher said that.” – Axl to Brick, while they’re trying to figure out how to do Brick’s project

“Gentleman, how’s it going?” – Mike
“Good, good. I’m telling you, Mom makes a lot of things harder than they need to be.” – Axl
“You know, that could apply to anything. I don’t really need the details.” – Mike

Parks and Rec

“It’s true, I no longer have highly-trained, professional campaign managers. So what? Are most murders committed by highly-trained professional assassins? No. They’re committed by friends and co-workers. … That analogy was way better in my head.” — Leslie

“I’m gonna use all low-fat ingredients. And I will call my new Italian fast casual eatery the Low-Cal Calzone. … Zone.” — Ben

Supernatural (Review)

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I hope you’re watching cartoon smut, because reading Dick Roman crap over and over again is just self-punishment.” — Sam
“It’s called anime, and it’s an art form.” — Dean

“Awesome.” – Dean
“How does that fill you with awe?” — Eliot Ness

“Awesome.” — Dean
“Awesome? He some religious kook?” — Ezra
“Nah, he just likes saying that.” — Eliot Ness

“… let’s go kill that bastard, because that …” — Eliot Ness
” … is the Chicago way.” — Dean
“Chicago way?” — Ezra
“Who talks like that?” — Eliot Ness
“Sean Connery.” — Dean

“Boo hoo, cry me a river, you Nancy. Are all the hunters as soft as you in the future? Everybody loses everybody, then one day — boom! — you’re number’s up. But at least you’re making a difference. So enjoy it while it lasts kid, ’cause hunting’s the only clarity you’re going to find in this life, and that makes you luckier than most.” — Eliot Ness

“Sweet merciful awesome.” — Dean, when he sees Eliot Ness’s trunk o’ weapons

Vampire Diaries (Review)

“Relax, Brother. We wouldn’t want your hair to fall out.” — Damon to Stefan

“Can’t a council meeting ever just be a council meeting?” — Alaric to Damon, as they enter yet another fundraising party for Mystic Falls

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to drink the Klaus Kool-Aid.” — Damon to Sheriff

“I can’t. It’s not right.” – Elena to Damon about kissing him again
“It’s right. It’s just not right now.” – Damon 

30 Rock (Review)

“Organize table by food Jewishness.” — Kenneth’s chore list
“Well, enjoy it while you can because tomorrow you’re going to women’s hell. Ah, also, FYI, women’s hell is also the same as aroused dog heaven.” — Kenneth
“Did you see what happened here? We turned an argument into an opportunity to become better friends.” — John McEnroe

“Jason, have you ever put out a cigar on Gilbert Gottfried’s neck? Because I have, and his screams were the worst things I’d ever heard until tonight. Congratulations, you’re a disgrace.” – Jenna

“I’m sorry I won’t be seeing you in heaven, Mr. Spurlock. But on the bright side, Black Hell does have a jukebox.” – Kenneth

Castle (Review) 

“I’ll bet male black widow spiders think their in healthy relationships, too.” – Castle to Ryan

“No that’s Jake; that’s Jake Hendricks.” – Holly Franklin
“No, that’s Michael Bailey.” – Beckett
“I think I would know who I was sleeping with.” – Holly
“Well, apparently you don’t.” – Beckett

“I didn’t kill him, I was falling in love with him!” – Holly
“Well, he fell pretty hard too.” – Beckett

“Even their hypothetical fury is unnerving. William Congreve had it right when he talked about scorned women.” – Castle
“Well, you haven’t heard what I would do.” – Beckett
“Yeah I don’t think I want to know.” – Castle

“[Walks in and sees all of the women the victim was involved with] This is like the beginning of The Bachelor only without the Appletinis.” – Castle

“Hey, relax man, it happens to a lot of guys: get excited and then lose control of their steamers.” – Castle 

“You have beautiful eyes.” – Pablo
“Seriously?” – Beckett
“Eh, it’s a numbers game. I strike out 90% of the time.” – Pablo
“Thus restoring my faith in my gender.” – Beckett

Castle, if we were getting married would you want to know about all the guys I’ve slept with?” – Beckett
“All?” – Castle
“Seriously? You sign women’s chests at book readings. You cannot be shocked that I’m not a
a virgin.” – Beckett
“It’s just that the world ‘all’ suggests a lot. How many are we talking, exactly?” – Castle
“Are you really asking for my number?” – Beckett
“You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.” – Castle
“Men … you all want to know, but you don’t want to know.” – Beckett

Face-Off (Review)

“Hairy metal is not good.” — Glenn Hetrick commenting on the guy’s Tin Woodman whose arms needed a shave

Quotes from the Ether

“Thank you, Mom and Dad, for making me. That was cool.” — Adam Levine accepting Maroon 5’s People’s Choice Award for Favorite Band

The Soup

“In celebrity relationship news, Jay-Z and Beyonce gave birth over the weekend to a baby girl named ‘Blue Ivy.’ The parents are said to be thrilled and Blue Ivy is said to have an unquenchable obsession to kill the Batman.” — Joel McHale

“In TV news, a new season of Jersey Shore is upon us because MTV doesn’t like you.” — Joel

The Game

“We went to Chili’s, but you forgot your coupon. So I said, ‘Let’s go to Taco Bell, they’ve got 79 cent tacos.’ And you said, ‘I know this place in Tijuana that has 69 cent tacos.'” — Chardonnay pointing out just how cheap Jason is

Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable

“I think they should clone me.” — Papi
“I think they would love that. Less me, more you. Yeah, let’s do that.” — Dan, at which point Dan leaves and is replaced by a second Papi

Excused

“You look like a day shift manager at Hot Topic. You’re excused. Not that night shift is any better.” — Iliza Shlesinger

Let’s Stay Together 

“My ass looks way better in my head than it does on camera.” – Charles

Pan Am (Review)

“What was his name? Bedford?” – Colette
“I doubt he’s that handsome off stage. They wear makeup, ya know?” – Dean
“Redford … Robert Redford.” – Colette
“See, even the name; he just sounds like a prima donna.” – Dean

“I have to photograph one beautiful face, and one unusual one.” – Laura
“What, seriously? Who’s you’re other subject?” – Ted
“Maggie.” – Laura
“Oh, OK. For a second there I thought I was the weirdo face.” – Ted
“[Pauses] Yeah.” – Laura

“All I’m saying that there are some girls that are saving themselves for marriage; and I admire that.[Pauses] I’m just not one of them.” – Laura
“Wait … waaa?” – Ted