CommercialClack – It’s the Egg McMuffin of commercials

Michael: It’s well known I have a big, fat love/hate relationship with McDonald’s.

I’ve frequented McDonald’s since I was a kid when it was a privilege and a treat to walk through those Golden Arches for a burger and a shake. Those were the days when it was a minor thrill to eat out. Over the years, however, and except for the occasional Coke, the times I’ve stepped into these restaurants have been few and far between. Yes … I still get a craving for a Big Mac or Filet-O-Fish each blue moon, but it doesn’t happen often.

You see, things have changed at McDonald’s. Drastically. For instance, I’ve never understood the attraction of a McGriddle or a McRib sandwich. Their breakfast burritos? Hideous and inedible. And I’m convinced the only way to eat an Egg McMuffin is with mayonnaise and mustard nestled within it.  (You doubt me? Try it. If you like McMuffins, you’ll like them more with mayo and mustard.)

But the food isn’t the only thing that’s changed at McDonald’s. What’s happened with their advertising of late? Have you seen the recent McMuffin spot? Silly isn’t the word for it. “Embarrassing” is, however:

That’s not an ad campaign — that’s a mockery. And it’s not the first (nor last) of the goofy ad campaigns McDonald’s has committed.

Tara: I’ve heard you rail on Mickey D’s for years, Michael. So I’m used to it. Here’s my feelings on the whole deal:

• A. I stayed away from hamburger meat for a few years because of this Augusten Burroughs novel I read, in which his brother discussed the fact that any ground meat is most probably composed of many different carcasses. That was it for me, until recently. When out of the blue yonder? All I wanted was a quarter pounder with cheese. Quite frightening, that craving. So I ventured into my local (not far as you can’t swing a dead dog without hitting one) McDonald’s. And ho buoy! So different! I remembered juicy goodness. I got dry “hockey puck.” I realized I’ve missed nothing.
• B. In terms of this commercial? At first, when the guy says he loves her, and she responds using the Egg Mcmuffin metaphor … I thought she was insulting him! As in “I really like you but love is a strong word and I really like Egg McMuffins so you are a tasty egg sandwich to me.” Then! As we moved along, I couldn’t believe McDonald’s was trying to pull us into making this a catch phrase for the “ultimate” in taste and class, because really? Egg McMuffins are just so … BLAH. What are they thinking??
• And per usual, I always think I have a “C,” when most times like now, I do not.

Michael: Exactly! Who at the Bonehead and Guff Advertising Agency believes anyone — ANYONE — is going to effortlessly interchange “Egg McMuffin” with “ultimate” or “best” or “the bee’s knees” … ?!? Because it’s nothing less than comical in a sad, sad way. If anything, I will use the term to indicate it’s a “barely passable rendition” of something … and that is if I use it at all.

How about we get back to basics instead? Say … with this little ditty from almost 3 decades (!!!) ago:

Michael: And yes … that’s John Goodman and Megan Mullally up there.

Tara: Woah. And I guess nothing says “It tastes great and you’d be so happy with yourself!” more than a large man like John Goodman mowing one right in your face. Ew.

Michael: But I digress! Let’s get back to that original commercial, because there’s one thing that’s really bugging me. And it’s a big one. Check out the screen shot below:

Michael: What in the world does THAT mean … ?!? You can”t get freshly cracked eggs in certain areas of the country? You can only get them at certain McDonald’s? Is there a “freshly cracked egg” shortage running rampant in the world we don’t know about? And, if so, shouldn’t we know about it? I mean … seriously … !!! Could it mean you can get cracked eggs for your Egg McMuffins at certain McDonald’s locations … but they won’t be anything near “freshly cracked” at the time of order? Maybe there are no longer eggs available in Durham, North Carolina or Blythe, California! Cripes! Or does this go even further than anyone can imagine: Do the Mayans, who have predicted the end of the world in December of this year, have anything to do with the shortage of freshly cracked eggs … ?!?

Tara: Criminy. You’re really bringing the Mayans into this?? I wonder what Ivey’s doing next week around this time. …

Michael: I have one more quibble before we end. It’s a well known fact — at least it is around these parts — that Ronald’s places host the best damned Coca Cola to swoosh out a dispenser hands down. It’s the tastiest on-the-fly Coke in town. My problem isn’t with the Coke, it’s with the way you can purchase it. Recently, McDonald’s has dispensed with their extra large cup for fountain drinks, a staple of hard-working outdoorsman-types such as myself when the sun is hot and beating down on you. All in the name of them throttling back on the “super-sized” offerings so their image stands proud.

Tara: This news just makes me mourn. I’m not a “hard-working outdoorsman-type” obviously, but the extra large Coke with easy ice is my greatest guilty pleasure. Drat them all and that stupid clown!

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Jan 13, 2012 @ 10:00 EST5EDT