The X Factor – Melanie Amaro’s the five million dollar girl

I’m done. Color me “Clay Aikened,” concerning my pick for The X Factor this season. It’s okay. I’m fine with it. Really. I actually had an inkling of Melanie Amaro winning this thing long ago. Here! I’ll prove it. Look at this link …

But I had to stick with my pony, Josh Krajcik. And I’m happy I did. He’s got a great future (at least he’ll never sling another burrito!). He’s madly talented, and now that he can get away from his crappy mentor Nicole Sherzinger, there’s no telling how far he can go. I think I almost felt the load of her being taken off him tonight. Or was that the pure Christmas holiday miracle of relief that I myself felt in that I don’t have to look at her stupid dramatic expressions and listen to the over the top bullshit she spews anymore? (Deep breath. Composes self.)

Anywoo – let’s dissect the extravaganza that was the finale, shall we?

First off, I don’t have to tell you that there was a lot of wasted time. (Cha ching, Pepsi and Simon Cowell!) I could have lived without the contestant’s holiday songs. (Although I had to chuckle at that poor girl in the “human snow globe” behind Josh. I would lurve to see her describe that on her resume.)

I also could have gone on with my existence without anymore back stories or home town reactions, for Golly’s sake. I now know more about Chris, Josh and Melanie than I do about most of my first cousins! Go ahead. Ask me anything! Geez.

If you’re tired of my complaining at this point, I can interject a positive. It was lovely seeing Stevie Wonder again! He and his harmonica are always a welcome addition, in my book. Pairing him with Justin Beiber (who said to Stevie afterwards, “You’re, like, one of my idols.”) was an interesting choice. But it satisfied all the age groups watching, did it not? So bravo there.

I do have to say though, that The Beibs did sing “yeah yeah” twenty-six times in that song. Twenty-six. I counted. I do believe he’s creating his own language, as he even changed some actual words into a “yeah yeah vernacular.” Examples?

A.  “toniii – yeahyeah” (“Tonight,” I presume.)

B. “saaiiiii – yeahyeah” (That means the word “said.”)

C. ” Christmaaaa – yeahyeah” (I can only assume this refers to this weekend’s holiday.)

So, I learned something. Thanks, Justin!

There were some giggles in the packages the producers came up with, to poke fun at themselves and no doubt answer critics like me who’ve been bothered by some stuff all season. “The L.A. versus Simon Smack Down” and especially “The Paula versus Nicole Cry Off” were rather amusing.

Forgive me if I ignore the guest performances by 50 Cent and Pitbull. I used these moments to fetch the laundry and feed my cat, respectively. Oh wait, though! I did notice that the Coin Guy got bleeped a lot (nice choice of song for this kind of show, dude) and that he had many girl dancers around him who I dubbed “The Crotchies.”

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Jump to the end, we saw Melanie completely floored (literally) and Josh accepting his loss with grateful sincerity. Poor hapless host Steve Jones just does not know how to command a show and get people to move where they need to, does he? It’s because no one (even those right on the stage with him) takes him seriously. If Simon brings him back next season? I’ll eat my Santa hat.

And audition for “The Crotchies.”

Have a great Holiday season everyone!

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Dec 23, 2011 @ 01:22 EST5EDT