What kind of ingredients would you toss in the mix to make a terrific Christmas story? Well … what say you about taking stock to see what the folks over at New Girl did?
- Schmidt plays the role of “Sexy Santa” at his office Christmas party, his 5th anniversary of doing so. And he’s still pining for Cece. Even gets her a gift … some sort of self-made perfume of containing accents of cocoa, sea salt and sandalwood. (*eeewwwwwww*)
- Winston, still jobless, does not want to go to Schmidt’s Christmas party. You can’t blame him; we know how well he networks with people.
- Cece really doesn’t want to be at the party either. (“Remember when Christmas was fun?”)
- Jess can’t reciprocate Paul’s declaration of love for her when they exchange Christmas presents. Result? Awkwardness rules the day, which continues right into the Christmas party. Ode to joy.
- And Nick? Well … Nick’s got several issues on his platter. He hasn’t been on time for a flight home for Christmas in years, much to his mother’s chagrin. Think he’s going to make it this time? Add that to the fact he blurts to Paul that Jess doesn’t love him. (below)
So … there you have it. The downtrodden, the hopeless and those with the weight of the world on their shoulders during the holidays. How can you not pity them?
But don’t worry! It’s New Girl … !!! Something is bound to happen to cause the planets to align, right? Right!
So how did they turn those bullet points above into magical holiday cheer? Well, let’s see:
- Schmidt: They made him stand up and “just say no” to further Sexy Santa (et al) appearances. Good for him. But remember, not before he acquired a case of “Santa lap”. (Side Note: If he really wanted to be Sexy Santa, he would have been wearing chaps.)
- Winston: Turns out he’s rather good with kids. And, after stumbling on Alvin after he got lost in the office party crowd, he endeared himself to Alvin’s mom, Gina, who in turn gave him an unexpected Christmas gift: “Call me, you’re hired” … and at whatever rate of pay Winston would like, too. Nice!
- Cece: She got a walk-away, feel-good smirk for being “the good guy” and stroking Schmidt’s ego. (She kind of got gypped in the Christmas present department, but keep in mind she’s an underwear model among other things.)
- Jess: The biggest winner of the evening, got the snuggly, tingly warmth of friendship when everyone surrounded her with love by forcing the neighborhood to turn on all those lighted decorations for her. Aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww … !!!
- Nick redeemed himself in Jess’s eyes. Ultimately he irked his mom yet again by missing his flight home (hey … some traditions just have to keep on keepin’ on), but that’s okay. Mom’s are tough that way.
See? Everything was comfy, cozy and wrapped neatly with a nice, big, red bow.
Now isn’t that what you want from a Christmas story?
Holiday Notes:
- Wow. The anatomically correct representation of a 50 year-old heart of a non-smoker. Finally … I have a solution to those last few stocking stuffers I’ve been worrying over.
- … not to mention tacks. Tacks for Christmas. The perfect gift. Remember where you heard it first.
- The kicker about this episode was the complete “let’s-just-drop-him-over-the-side-and-hope-no-one-notices” manner in which the writers left Paul. I mean … I think that’s what they might have done, but I’m not completely certain. They not only left him hanging, they left me hanging about his situation. It’s just an educated guess at this point because — literally — we didn’t hear or see anything further after Jess’ little chat outdoors with him, comically interrupted ad infinitum by the floundering Nick.
Holiday Quotes:
“… ‘Merry Christmas, Brendan. Don’t swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick’ … ?!?” — Schmidt questioning Nick’s gift choice to his nephew
“It’s a great gift. He’s a twelve-year old kid. He’s gonna love them.” — Nick defending the gift of thumb tacks
“Hi mom. I can’t talk right now. I’m in a really weird situation. No … I’m not high. I’m over that phase.” — Nick to his mother via phone
“Does that mean no more sexy Easter bunny?” — Kim to Schmidt as he sits in his Santa chair
“No sexy Easter bunny.” — Schmidt
“What about Cinco de Sexy?” — Kim
“No Cinco de Sexy.” — Schmidt
“And no sexy Martin Luther King?” — Kim
“I can never get the voice. I never felt I had the authority …” — Schmidt
“The man with no shirt killed Santa.” — Alvin
“Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.” — Winston
“Then why isn’t he wearing a shirt?” — Alvin
“You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.” — Winston
“Is it because he’s a d-bag? Mommy says he’s a d-bag.” — Alvin
“It’ll be a good opportunity for you to some networking, help with the job search. I’m telling you, everybody’s hittin’ the ‘nog, having a good time, letting loose, you swoop in there, and then, boom! New job, man. That’s how things work. You know, Benjamins in your pocket, la pension, the four-to-the-O-to-the-one-to-the-K!” — Schmidt to Winston about why he should go to the office party
“You’re making me want to stay broke.” — Winston
Photo Credit: Fox
Some posts that may be related to this:
What does sea salt smell like? The perfume couldn’t have been that bad. I mean, cocoa and sandalwood smell wonderful (although perhaps not in combination?).
I quite enjoyed this episode. It was a Christmas “normal,” not a Christmas special.
*POST AUTHOR*
. . . . .
My Dear Ruby:
I beg to differ. The perfume could, indeed, be bad. Cocoa and sandalwood? No problem.
But think about it: Where, exactly, is that sea salt coming from? You’ve been to the beach, right? Ever been to one of those beaches (or passed by one) that gives off a bit of “dead animal carcass” smell? You know what I mean? Some of that sea salt could have come from one of those areas … complete with (*steps into his Schmidt persona*)
“… there could be the possibility of some extras … like a bit of of ‘Charlie Tune’ remnants … some slightly expired dolphin … you know, a fin here, a scale there … whoops on the krill-dog … might be a smidge of sand crabbage, if you know what I mean …”
In other words: The sea salt could be a bit suspect, thus the “dirty dish towel” scent …
Ugh! And to think that Starbucks has been putting bits of slightly expired dolphin on my caramel hot chocolate.