Quotation Marks – Community, Glee and House

I’m afraid, boys and girls, that Community might be coming in for a landing. There’s only one episode left before the show goes on “hiatus” (Is that anything like Tony Kornheiser’s many “vacations” from ESPN)? In the mean time, though, Community keeps turning out quality episode that keeps all 10 of us fans of the show laughing our rears off. Here are some of the best quotes from this week’s episode, as well as the rest of the week’s television. Did we miss one of your favorites? Let us know in the comments!

Community (Review)

“Gentlemen. My name is Clarence Thaddeus Foos. My grandfather, Fletcher Morton Foos, invented this game for one purpose: to have the loudest, dumbest thing happen. Now, it has. The game of foosball is completed. You’re free to return to your undoubtedly hearing-impaired families.” – Jeff

“Oh you are so on that things have now become very much like Donkey Kong.” — German Guy

“Wait, you won’t spend money on a name-brand phone but you got Lasik surgery for your geriatric cat?” — Jeff
“He only has one eye, Jeff. I can’t exactly buy him a cat monocle, can I? It’s pretentious.” — Britta

“Jeff, you don’t need to worry what foreigners think about you, that’s your birthright as an American.” – Shirley

“The night beckons. Its black fingers curl and uncurl, going like, ‘hey, come here’.” — Abed as Batman

“Once you make a boy pee his pants, you start thinking about where your life is headed.” – Shirley

Glee (Review)

“I’m gonna lose unless I pull a JFK.” — Kurt, facing the reality that he could lose the election
“You … you’re going to shoot Brittany?” — Rachel

“While there’s nothing I’d love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think we’d get further staging a gelervention for Blaine than singing lady music.” — Santana to Blaine and Kurt

“Wait, are we talking lady on lady or girl on girl, because there’s a big difference.” — Puck ruminating on the class musical assignment

“Why would someone assume I’m a friend of Ellen just because I’m mannish, and highly aggressive, and have short hair, and I only wear track suits, and I coach a girls’ sport, and I married myself? It just doesn’t make sense.” — Sue’s diary entry

“My mom is going on a Christian wine-tasting boat down the Ohio River on Friday.” — Quinn
“The Jesus Booze Cruise.” — Puck

“I have to take this. It’s a reporter from USA Today, the newspaper for people who can’t read.” — Sue

House

“House is an ass, but he’s an intuitive ass.” — Park

New Girl (Review)

“Goosepimples! Look, each one, a memory.” — Schmidt in reaction to Winston playing bells

“Eye of the Tiger is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool it ended the Cold War.” — Winston
“That’s not even a little bit true.” – Jess

 “You know you want in on this, man! A little fatty tune, yellow-T, Cali roll, Samurai snack. So scrummy!” — Schmidt offering up sushi

“No, no, no! It’s not that hard, people! It’s an instrument that a cat wears around its neck!” — Winston to all the bell ringers of Ensembell

Sanctuary

“Berate me if you must.” –Tesla
“I must.” – Magnus

“It’s kind of awesome.” – Tesla [about entering the computer]
“I beg to differ, I saw Tron.” – Henry

“What did you expect?” -Magnus [after entering the computer]
“I don’t know, something cooler like The Matrix or Vienna in Springtime.” – Tesla

“I don’t like it when you visit.” – The Big guy to Tesla
“If this was a movie, right now the audience would be screaming ‘don’t open the door.’” – Tesla

“How’s your magnestism, now?” – Helen
“You tell me.” – Tesla
“Really? Even now?” – Helen
“Sorry. It’s automatic.” -Tesla

“Adam?” – Helen
“Did not see that coming.” – Tesla

 Bones (Review)

“[referring to the bones in boxes] … it’s packed very nicely. I wonder if the killer does gift wrapping on the side.” – Cam

“Enough with the baklava, I just want to talk to the manager.” – Booth

“Wait a second … A guillotine? Where do you even find one of those? – Booth
“Room 114 – the French Revolution exhibit.” – Hodgins

“I’m using [the seat cushions] to measure your client’s ischial tuberosity.” – Bones
“My what?” – Sheila Burnside
“Your ass bones. They’re like a fingerprint in your pants.” – Booth

Raising Hope

“Hello? Anyone home? Your mat says ‘welcome’, unless it’s being sarcastic. If that’s the case, it should have quotes around it.” – Andrew

 Beavis and Butt-Head

“Whoa, you can get arrested for being an idiot?!” — Beavis
“Yeah. You better lay low for awhile, Beavis.” — Butt-Head

“Those are Stuart’s grandma’s ashes.” — Butt-Head
“You mean she put her cigarettes out in a vase? That’s disgusting. There’s no reason for that.” – Beavis

Talking Dead

“I have the weirdest nerd erection right now because Alice Cooper is on the show …” — Host Chris Hardwick with his elated knob turned up to full