Quotation Marks – The League, The Office, Pan Am

Has our little team of writers ever been busy  compiling a hefty mound of quotations from this past week! Talk about your bevy of citations! Rumor has the pinky and ring finger of one of our staff member’s left hands fell off. Luckily here at the opulent, cushy and well appointed offices of CliqueClack we are supplied with various sundries for just such emergencies, Super Glue being the medicament of choice in this case.

But enough about our ails! The fruits of our labor are below,  just about everything that came out your television set in the way of passages. Did we miss any of your favorites? If so, jot them in the comments section below.

Please enjoy!

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Review)

“This family should not have the artifact. It belongs in a museum!” — Charlie
“It belongs in a museum, bro!” — Mac
“Don’t! We should not be making plans that is based on dumb movies!” — Dennis
“… Excuse me? Indiana Jones is a dumb movie?!” — Charlie

“I’ll do a Swedish accent.” — Mac
“No, you do not do a Swedish accent, you don’t know how to do one. And you don’t need to — these people don’t know who you are!” — Dennis
“I can’t just tell them we’re there to steal their artifact, Dennis!” — Mac
“… There’s a huge amount of middle ground between those two things!” — Dennis

The Walking Dead (Review)

“If not for Otis, I’d have never made it out alive. And that goes for Carl, too. It was Otis … he saved us both …” — Shane speaking during the funeral for Otis

“I’m like you now. We’ve both been shot.” — Carl to his father during recovery

Beavis and Butt-Head

“Remember when your Mom tried to lose you in Ikea? She couldn’t find her way out and kept running into you again.” – Butt-Head to Beavis

 The Office (Review)

“Well, he’s probably a drug dealer. That’s the best way to land a hot girlfriend; you just, uh, you get her hooked on blow.” — Gabe, on Cathy’s boyfriend

“I never touch a pregnant woman.” — Dwight, rejecting Pam’s offered high five

“Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that.” — Dwight

“Does your husband have very soft erections? Cause if not, I just grabbed a very soft penis for nothing.” — Dwight to Pam

“‘Stop shoving me’, ‘stop grabbing my penis’. Grow up.” — Dwight to Jim

The Secret Circle (Review)

“Actually, no, we don’t call it the ‘Scooby-Doo Magic Shack.’” — Cassie

Castle (Review)

“You know you’re not doing yourself any favors by sitting around and reading Pride and Prejudice. That’s just going to make it worse. You might as well be listening to Adele.” — Castle
“She totally gets it and so does Jane Austen.” — Alexis

“If someone asked me to meet them at an abandoned warehouse in the dead of night? I’d pass. I’ve written that scene enough times to know how it ends.” — Castle

Once Upon A Time (Review)

“I guess if true love were easy, we’d all have it.” — Mary Margaret

The League (Review)

Yobogoya, the taste will destroy-ya!
The cheapest bucket of beef in Illinoi-a!
Yobogoya, Yobogoya, Yoyoyoyoyobagoya!
Yobagoya, makes you jump for joy-a!
What kind of meat is it? It’s a mystery for ya.
Legally we’re not allowed to call it meat,
So bring the whole family for a tasty brown treat! – Taco’s Yobogoya jingle

“Taco, where’d you get this briefcase?” — Kevin
“Stole it from some moron.” — Taco
“It says ‘Kevin’ on it.” — Andre

Psych (Review)

“Gus, don’t be Pete Rose’s haircut.” — Shawn

“Yeah, nor can I. After the Rangers cut me, it was either sign up here or get some lousy job like selling pharmaceuticals.” — Cal
“That’s a noble profession.” — Gus

“Stealing the pants off a drunk guy for a urine sample — really, Shawn?” — Henry
“Hey, hey, hey, for the record, he removed them himself, okay? I just hooked him with a stick and then ran off as he tried to set Gus on fire. That guy parties hard.” — Shawn

“You know what really sucks? Being a classically trained tap dancer that’s being forced to dance the macarena in front of a bunch of liquored-up townies while wearing a flea-infested seabird suit.” — Gus

Supernatural (Review)

“This isn’t Wall Street, this is Hell. We have a little something called integrity.” — Crowley

“I was going to show you off. Not that anyone actually knows who you are. Supernatural’s not exactly popular.” — Becky

“You’re a … hike in the desert hippie douche grownup.” — Dean to Sam

New Girl (Review)

“Are you sheep doggin’ her?” — Winston questioning Schmidt as he “herds” Cece in a direction he wants her to go

“You can’t walk around this neighborhood with bags of toilet paper you don’t even use …” — Nick reprimanding Jess

“You … come on … get up …” — Cece coaxing Nick to dance
“No, I don’t dance. I’m from the town in Footloose …” — Nick

“What is between you and that chair?” — Winston asking about Schmidt’s mini-kimono he’s wearing … and seemingly nothing else
“Just a little bit of sunshine.” — Schmidt

“I just wanna come home … put on my ‘moe-no’ (kimono) and hang loose …” — Schmidt

“Did you see that cleavage? I just want to get my arm down there, 127 Hours style.” — Schmidt on CeCe’s chest

Pan Am (Review)

“[Playing truth or dare] Truth. I took nude photos! [long pause] I was supposed to wait for the question, wasn’t I?” — Laura

“Flying makes me a little queasy.” — Joe
“I’m not sure rum is the remedy for that.” — Laura
“I’m in the Navy, ma’am. Rum is the remedy for everything.” — Joe

Parks and Recreation (Review)

“Hey, I’m back! Or as they say in Denmark, ‘I’m back’! … Most people speak English.” — Leslie

“The nation of Denmark would like to formally request a summit with the nation of Peru. Over there. By the refreshment table. Because the nation of Denmark needs a juicebox.” — Leslie

How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“Kids, you haven’t truly lived until somewhere, somebody puts a sign up because of something you did.” — Future Ted

“Guys, this storm is serious. Luckily, you are friends with a former Boy Scout. And a Boy Scout is always what?” — Ted
“Unpopular?” — Robin
“Beaten up?” — Lily
“Going to the movies with his mother?” — Barney
“A Boy Scout is always prepared.” — Ted
“Prepared to spend lunch in his locker?” — Robin
“Prepared to die a virgin?” — Marshall
“Prepared to paint his sister’s nails?” — Barney

 “Wow, it’s come to this. You could help a friend, but instead your choosing the hot girl with the tight tank top … Your training is complete. I’m so proud of this kid!” — Barney

“OK, if we don’t get through the night, I want you guys to know — and I really mean this — I wish I’d branched out and made more friends in my 20’s.” — Ted

The Vampire Diaries (Review)

“I’m compelled to protect you. And if I look at your track record at high school dances, it’s pretty tragic. With my luck you’ll go and get yourself murdered by the homecoming queen.” — Stefan to Elena

“I’m here hanging streamers and have glitter all over my hands. If I’m sired to anyone it’s you.” — Tyler to Caroline

“It was very Katherine of you.” — Damon to Elena after she daggered Rebekah

Bones (Review)

“Dr. Brennan, are you sure you don’t want a chair? The way you’re squatting, I’m worried that little guy in there is just going to drop right out.” — Hodgins

“Thank you, but my uterus and cervical plug are quite healthy. Also, I’m not having a boy … it’s a girl.” — Bones

“Ultrasounds are poorly pixelated and in black and white – you only like movies that are in color.” — Bones


“I would have loved this movie. It would have been my favorite movie of all time.” — Booth

Dancing With The Stars (Review)

“And you had the best week of any Kardashian.” — Tom Bergeron to Rob Kardashian after scoring a 27

“You’re ginormous, Brooke.” — Tom, looking at Brooke on a giant video screen
“Thanks, Tom.” — Brooke, absolutely clueless

“We’re both tired of each other. We should get married.” — Nancy Grace to her pro, Tristan, during rehearsal

“Tomorrow night on our results show, Andrea Bocelli performs on the same show with Flo Rida. Sure that happens to them a lot.” — Tom Bergeron

“A cartwheel finish, and some strategic begging.” — Tom after Nancy’s instant jive

Rules Of Engagement (Review)

“Taking orders from Liz now?” — Jeff
“Yes. It’s quite a bit more work, but on the bright side there’s no additional pay.” — Timmy

“Look, it was hilarious when you were miserable, but … now it’s affecting me.” — Jeff to Russell, on Liz

“You know, I envy you guys. You’ve never leaf peeped with the A Man before. You are gonna remember this weekend.” — Adam
“Not if this place has a bar.” — Jen

“There’s nature in New York.” — Jeff
“Yeah, if you think nature is watching a rat and a pigeon fighting over a condom.” — Audrey

The Big Bang Theory (Review)

“I’m going to the movies with Penny. I don’t want her to think I think it’s a date.” — Leonard
“Do you think its a date?” — Sheldon
“No, but she might think I think it’s a date even though I don’t.” — Leonard
“Or you might think she thinks you think it’s a date even though it isn’t.” — Sheldon
“Are we over thinking this?” — Leonard
“Not at all.” — Sheldon

“Come, Sheldon, Star Wars!” — Raj
“I’m pushing play, I mean it! If we don’t start soon, George Lucas is going to start it again.” — Howard

“If I had a death ray, I wouldn’t be living here. I’d be in my lair, enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.” — Sheldon

“What are you writing there?” — Penny
“A screenplay. It’s about a guy who’s roommate is having sex and tells him to go to a bar to work on his screenplay.” — Kevin

“I’m talking to him because he’s cute.” — Penny
“He’s not that cute.” — Leonard
“Yes he is, with those dorky tee-shirts and hipster glasses.” — Penny
“I wear dorky tee-shirts and glasses.” — Leonard
“Yeah, but when you’re tall and have high cheekbones you’re doing it ironically.” — Penny

“Every year tens of people around the world are killed by birds. I’m not going to be another statistic.” — Sheldon

“Hey, pal … you didn’t see me telling Kevin that you think cold wars were only fought in Winter.” — Leonard
“OK, then I’ll return the favor and won’t tell….” — Penny
“… Laura …” — Laura
“… Laura that half the dirty movies you own are animated?” — Penny
“When you were telling Kevin about your acting career did you mention your long-running role as ‘Waitress’ in a local production of ‘Cheesecake Factory?’” — Leonard
“Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler?” — Penny
“Oh, spell ‘asthma.’” — Leonard
“A … S … Take me home.” — Penny

Community (Review)

“I’m very concerned about this living situation. I mean I’ve seen enough episodes of Friends to know that cohabitation leads to sex, drugs, and something Parade magazine called ‘Schwimmer Fatigue’.” — Shirley on Annie moving in with Abed and Troy

Two And A Half Men (Review)

“New business idea: Ass coasters.” — Walden

“Just let me get some of Charlie’s personal belongings out of here: Oh … some of his unfinished music … panties … panties … panties … water pipe …” — Alan as he pulls items out Charlie’s piano bench

“I couldn’t score a woman like that if my semen cured cancer.” — Alan

“Berta? How do you feel about casual sex?” — Walden to Berta
“I’m all for it. Just let me finish the dishes and run a comb through my hair.” — Berta

“You know how they say marijuana leads to harder drugs? Well … the human tongue leads to harder organs.” — Alan to Jake after he’s caught necking with his girlfriend in his bedroom