Quotation Marks – Community, Psych and (gulp!) Two and a Half Men

by Michael Noble

We know! You've been waiting to take a look back at the week in quotes! Far be it from us to keep you waiting ... here you go!

Holy McMoley with whipped cream on top!

There’s just too much fun stuff going on in this week’s Quotation Marks. (Sorry! No “sexy” artificial trees as the above photo might suggest, however.)

If we missed any, please pop them into the comments section below. Let’s get to’em, shall we?

Community (review)

“Uh, guys? What does a pregnancy test look like?” — Troy in Annie’s purse
“It’s like a thin piece of plastic with a thing on the end of it.” — Jeff
“Okay, so this is definitely a gun.” — Troy

Parks and Recreation (review)

“Relaxation lesson number one: acupuncture. It’s great for your back and your rear. Needles in your face, pleasure in your base.” — Donna

“I bought this mackerel at the supermarket. I’ve been standing in the water with the fish on my hook for thirty minutes. I saw it on an episode of I Love Lucy. Pathetic? Maybe. But it feels pretty good to have a bunch of little boys be super into me. That came out wrong.” — Ann

The League (review)

“Jenny, this is Mrs. Klein.” — Ruxin
“Shalom! Thanks for coming.” — Jenny
“Absolutely, so this is your wife?” — Mrs. Klein
“No.” — Ruxin
“No.” — Jenny
“No.” — Ruxin
“No.” — Jenny
“No. My wife, she came down with something.” — Ruxin
[whispers] “Catholicism?” — Jenny

Survivor (review)

“All y’all gonna go to Hell with gasoline drawers on.” — Stacey not holding back with her feelings about her former tribe.

“If anyone calls me Benjamin to my face, I’m gonna go nuts.” — Coach, after hearing how Stacey and Christine referred to him before their Redemption Island duel.

“The novelty of attending Tribal Council has long since worn off for me.” — Cochran on the certainty that his name will be written down yet again.

Psych (review)

“So they just bust out immunity and that’s it?” — Shawn
“They just did.” — Gus
“Awesome. Put that on my Bucket List.” — Shawn
“Before or after invisible plane?” — Gus
“After. Jetpack, Wonder Woman Plane, Immunity. Wait … Jetpack … ” — Shawn

“My son needs my help. Think he may have bit off a bit too much this time.” — Henry
“You don’t have to tell me; I know Gus well.” — Woody
“Shawn.” — Henry
“Him too. Never thought of them as brothers though. … Bit of a game-changer, I’ll tell you that.” — Woody

“There’s little to no defensive wounds.” — Woody
“So she knew her attacker.” — Henry
“Or! She paid somebody to murder her. Now that I say that out loud, I like your theory better.” — Woody

“Woody — favor.” — Henry
“Does it involve sleeping overnight in the cooler?” — Woody
“No.” — Henry
“Then anything.” — Woody

“Dude, I just got us diplomatic immunity. What do you want to steal?” — Shawn

“Where are you getting your accents from?” — Ambassador
“I dunno, all the usual places I guess. Peter Pan. Geico Gecko. Phineas and Ferb’s granddad …” — Shawn
“Is there any of them that don’t come from animated characters?” — Ambassador
“Not really. Does Russell Brand count?” — Shawn

“Immunity is a very limited scope of powers.” — Public Affairs officer
“Heh heh. Maybe for you; I pretty much have the full monty.” — Shawn

Up All Night (review)

“I want to open with an interesting point about Mr. Zac Posen, followed by light laughter. Then a deeply personal story – Missy’s choice. Here’s a list of words to avoid: moist, ointment, nubbin, vigorous, vigorish, and ‘at the end of the day’. So basically, the speech should go: laughter, tears, poignancy, tears, laughter, light laughter, slight tears, laughter into tears, and then out.” — Ava, describing her ideal speech

Dancing With The Stars (review)

“Pirates are basically guys running around in tight pants, open shirts, looking for jewelry. Um, I think I can handle that.” — Carson Kressley, worried at first about portraying a pirate.

“It’s like childbirth — terrible while it’s happening and a joy when it’s over.” — Len’s critique of Carson’s performance.

The Middle (review)

“You’re supposed to nag me about important stuff … that’s what I’m used to.” — Axl

“Do I smell barfy to you?” — Frankie, smelling herself after hugging Axl who admitted he retched after his PSAT
“If you don’t want to have sex tonight, just tell me.” — Mike in response

Two And A Half Men (review)

“Uh … Berta? What’s going on?” — Walden upon seeing Berta allow a strange, bearded old man in the house
“I’m going to get drunk, eat some chicken and rock this old man’s world.” — Berta

“I can’t believe she’s using I Cant Believe It’s Not Butter.” — Alan spying on Walden and Courtney (Jenny McCarthy) in the kitchen

“Jake. You’ve grown.” — Courtney
“Oh. It’s just my cell phone.” — Jake pressing up against her in a warm hug