Quotation Marks – The Vampire Diaries, The Sing Off and Happy Endings

Leave it to the vampires, eh? This week, we have quotes from The Vampire Diaries, How I Met Your Mother and, believe it or not, The 100 Greatest Songs of the ’00s. We go the extra mile to provide full-service quotes here at CliqueClack.

The Vampire Diaries (Review)

“So, Mayor Lockwood called your gay ex-husband to torture your vampire daughter.” — Damon
“Yes. I’ve been keeping him detained to make sure the vervain’s out of his system, so you could, you know.” — Sheriff
“You want me to just kill him?” — Damon
“No, Damon, he’s Caroline’s father.” — Sheriff
“Sounds like a douchebag to me.” — Damon
“Just because you and I are on OK terms doesn’t mean I’m suddenly a big advocate for your lifestyle.” — Sheriff
“Is that what you told him once you got divorced?” – Damon

Castle (Review)

“I mean the bullets in Lester Hamilton’s chest were not fired by Beau Randolph’s gun.” – Lanie
“Are you sure?” – Castle
“No I just sit down here all day and make stuff up.” – Lanie

“Failure is giving up. Everybody gets rejected; it’s how you handle it that determines where you end up.” – Castle

The Sing Off

“It’s very funny to see a Justin Bieber song done by a bunch of grown men.” — Shawn Stockman to Vocal Point

“I want to give a shout-out to Troy, who somehow channeled a boy and a man in the same body. We need to perform an exorcism or something.” — Shawn Stockman to Urban Method

“I thought I put a bag over my head and went through a car wash backwards for a second.” — Ben Folds to Afro-Blue

Happy Endings (Review)

“How did you not know that that was a dress?” — Jane, regarding Brad’s shirt
“I had my suspicions. But the price was right and Daddy likes a deep tuck.” — Brad

“I leave for 24 hours and you turn my room into a German sex hostel?” — Dave
“Well, I just ordered a pizza, so technically, this is a bed and breakfast.” — Max

“Check out the baby t-shirts. They’re flying off the racks!” — Alex
“And directly onto their racks.” — Penny, eyeing the group of mean girls trying on the onesies

“The only place this leads is Melissa Joan Hart playing you in a Lifetime movie.” — Brad, to Jane as she contemplates stalking her “egg baby”

“Billy Garrity wants me to text him a picture. [Holding up onesies] Which one should I wear: ‘Put me to bed,’ or ‘I pooped?’ [Pause] I just answered my own question.” — Penny

“I’ll see you in hell!” –Max
“I’ll see you in hell!” — Dave
“Fine, but I’ll see you home at first for the Bears game!” — Max
“Fine, I’ll bring the hummus!” — Dave
“Fine, bring baby carrots too, ’cause I like to dip!” — Max

“You seemed a little crazy. And not fun crazy … the type of crazy that would come back after eleven years and try to lure my daughter into a van.” — Dora’s mom to Jane in response to her follow-up donor video

 How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“What’s that thing?” – Robin
“Well, for some women it was the ashes of my parents. For others it was the trophy from Wimbledon. And, believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both. Game … enormous set … match.” – Barney

“But even if I met the girl of my dreams right this second, I’m still one night and nine months away from having a family of my own. And that’s assuming the mother of my children is a huge slut.” – Ted
“Don’t lose hope, Ted … That slut is out there.” – Marshall

The Middle (Review)

“…Mom’s gone. She’s gone. Our mother is gone!” – Sue
“She’s not gone. She’s only got twelve bucks in her purse; she can’t get very far.” – Mike
“Actually, ten.” – Axl
“Eight.” – Sue
“Six-fifty.” – Brick

“This may be controversial, but I’m just gonna say it: I like it better with mom not here.” – Axl

The League (Review)

“Andre, when did you become a high school music teacher?” — Taco
“Actually, I’m a floutist.” — Andre
“You play the flout?” — Taco

“So, you’re in the Taliban now?” — Pete
“No, not anymore. Worst April of my life!” — Taco

“We’re not making any porno. We’re going to leave that up to the professionals.” — Pete
“Yeah, me and Dirty Randy!” — Rafi
“The dude that looks like an illiterate Wolverine?”  — Ruxin

The 100 Greatest Songs of the ’00s

“It really does sound like I have marbles in my mouth.” – Fall Out Boy’s Patrick Stump about the band’s “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down” [#40]

“I hope they play that on repeat in hell. And they probably do.” – Ari Voukydis about Miley Cyrus’ “Party In The USA” [#38]

“That song’s so big, my mother loves it when we play karaoke on Wii.” – Dean Edwards about Maroon 5’s “This Love” [#32]

“It is the simplest, dumbest song in the world. And yet it’s totally infectious.” – Dave Holmes about Usher ft. Lil’ Jon and Ludacris’s “Yeah” [#27]