Quotation Marks – How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural and New Girl

 

Sometimes I think that How I Met Your Mother is the most quotable show on television (Then, I remember Psych, and I often move on from that argument). This week’s episode was pretty good, plus there is some great stuff from Supernatural, Happy Endings and New Girl. Be sure to let us know if we missed your favorite quote of the week!

How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“OK, I’m sorry, pal, but the party in my wife’s sweater is a private event and I’m the bouncer.” – Marshall
“[motions towards Lily’s chest] Dude, I think they’re the bouncers.” – Robin

“I let you come wash my dishes. I said my oven needed cleaning … I invited you into a porno!” – Victoria

Hart of Dixie (Review)

“Zoe, you’ve got the best hands I’ve seen in 30 years, but if you want to be a heart surgeon, you’ve got to work on your own.” – Chief of Surgery
“[sarcastically] But I do cardio five days a week.” – Zoe

“There it is. Rock bottom: I just played Dixie with my butt.” — Zoe

Pan Am (Review)

“Maggie, you dropped your silly blue hat.” — Sam
“I get to see the world, Sam. When was the last time you left the Village?” — Maggie
“I don’t need to see the world to change it!” — Sam
“Well … I do!” — Maggie

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Review)

“For once, let’s let the boys in America win!” — Charlie

“I bet you wish you could win this pageant, don’t you?” — Dee
“My mom says I’m not pretty enough.” — Justine
“Your mom doesn’t know dick! She’s a dumb fat cow and your sister — she’s a stupid little shit mouth bitch, isn’t she?” — Dee
“You just said a lot of bad words.” — Justine

“I tell you, children’s beauty pageants are an American tradition … but not a proud one.” — Dennis
“Nope.” — Dee 

Supernatural (Review)

“Of course, if at any time you want to decide that’s utter horse crap, well I’ll be where I always am. Right here.” – Bobby
“What, you want to do couples yoga or you want to get back to hunting the big bads?” – Dean

“Shut up! I said SHUT UP!” – Sam, to Satan, whom Bobby can’t see
“Hey Sam. Having a bag lady moment?” – Bobby

Vampire Diaries (Review)

“So this is the famous Stefan Salvatore I’ve been hearing so much about. You’re right; he does have funny hair.” — Klaus

“So, a hybrid walks into a bar … ” — Klaus, as he walks into a bar

Happy Endings (Review)

“I’m glad you all could be here to commemorate the worst day of my life.” — Dave, referring to the day Alex left him at the altar
“No, I thought the worst day was when you didn’t get pulled onstage at that Spin Doctors concert.” — Jane

“I could be professional.” — Max, to Brad, in response to not getting invited to Brad’s networking outing
“Yeah. You have a better chance at being black than professional. [beat] That’s not a challenge. That is not a challenge.” — Brad

“I know it seems like I have my life together, but I am a mess, ok? Psycho! I will, like, friend your mom on Facebook and start showing up at events I was not invited to!” — Penny, to Jeremy, who is turned off by Penny’s owning a home and “having her life together”

“Wait. [creepy music plays] I didn’t get a cat. Because … cats are for spinsters. Is it cold in here? I need a housecoat and a hot tea with lemon. Should I get an AOL email address? What’s wrong with me?!” — Penny, who’s afraid of turning into a spinster in her new condo

“Maxwell Bloom, JD, DDS, how’s it going?” — Max
“JD, DDS? You’re a lawyer and a dentist?” — Darryl
“I like cleaning teeth. So sue me.” — Max

New Girl (Review) 

“It’s so nectar.” — Schmidt talking to Nick about his skull thumb ring
“Did you just make up ‘nectar’ … ???” — Nick
“No … it’s a volleyball term.” — Schmidt

“Your hand is on my leg.” — Schmidt, sitting in the back seat next to Cece
“No. You’re hand is on my leg.” — Cece
“Classic ‘he said, she said’ …” — Schmidt

“That’s the wizard? He’s wearing a scrunchy.” — Nick commenting on seeing Spencer for the first time
“I just kind of assumed he’d have a handlebar mustache.” – Schmidt

“The girl made a lot of jam, Spence. You know how time-consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit. Strawberries, raspberries, maybe a tayberry.” — Schmidt

Two and a Half Men (Review)

“I wonder what his sweat tastes like?” — Berta daydreaming about Walden
“I could bite that ass like an apple.” — Berta daydreaming, again, about Walden

“Alan? Why are you on top of me?” — Walden waking up with a towel-wrapped Alan on top of him
“Because … I didn’t want to be on the bottom … ???” — Alan

“And don’t worry: I’m not one to overstay my welcome.” — Alan, after asking Walden if he could stay at the condo with him for a couple days … a week … a month, tops

 Desperate Housewives (Review)

“Wake up! I’m making waffles.” — Juanita
“Come back when you learn how to make mimosas.” — Gaby

“There’s a lot of weird stuff you like to do in the bedroom. Cleaning? Not so much.” — Mike to a sleepless Susan

“Have a little funeral, say a few words … just don’t mention God. Amanda’s parents are atheists, lawyers and major douches.” — Susan’s co-worker on how to deal with a dead classroom pet

“Uh, I don’t know if you’ve ever buried anything before, but you have to dig a hole.” — Juanita to Susan

“I’m gonna go see the new neighbor. You know, give him a ride on the old Welcome Wagon.” — Renee

“Oh honey, relax. Since we caught bin Laden, you can stroll on the plane any time you want.” — Gaby to a passenger in a van she commandeered to take Father Dugan to Carlos

The Amazing Race (Review)

“This race is more like taking the car into the shop and, uh, see if you want to buy the car.” — Jeremy, on spending so much time together with his girlfriend Sandy

“Travel by taxi … oh my dream has come true.” — Cathi, after running around Taipei all day looking for the first clue.

“We will need some ginseng or something to get the energy up.” — Cathi, after learning they aren’t eliminated and have an uphill battle ahead of them.

Doctor Who (Review)

“Been knocking about. Bit of a farewell tour. Things to do, people to see. There’s always more! I could invent an new color, save the dodos, join the Beatles! Hello, it’s me. Get in! Tell her we’re going out and it’s all on me except for the money and the driving! I’ve got a time machine, Dorium. It’s all still going on. For me it never stops. Liz I is still waiting in a glade to elope with me, I can help Rose Tyler with her homework, I can go to all of Jack‘s stag parties in one night!” — The Doctor
“Time catches up with us all, Doctor.” — Dorium
“Well, it has never laid a glove on me!” — The Doctor

“It was such a basic mistake, wasn’t it, Doctor Kovarian? Take a child, raise her into a perfect psychopath, introduce her to the Doctor … who else was I going to fall in love with?” — River

Up All Night

“I am going home to be alone in my beautiful manse in Bel Air, which I purchased from jazz and soul legend Peabo Bryson. Enjoy your full and happy life while I cry in a jacuzzi shaped like an eighth note.” — Ava

“[B-Ro] cheated on you with all the members of TLC.” — Reagan
“It was only T and L, C just stayed the night!” — Ava

Free Agents

“You know, I should have known. No one with dimples has ever helped anybody.” — Alex