Little Miss Sunny in Philadelphia

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia — you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. And I mean that in the best possible way. Funnily enough, I think the gang found something scummier than themselves this week — kids beauty pageants. But that’s not really surprising, is it? If cable television has taught us anything in the last few years, it’s that stage moms and stage coaches are horrifying. It’s bad when the Paddy Pub gang is calling you a bad mother … just saying.

Sometimes the writers don’t quite know what to do with Dee, but Kaitlin Olsen had a really good chemistry with the little girls … by “chemistry,” I mean  misplaced anger. That’s the best kind of anger. I have to imagine Olsen had fun playing off these kids, playing to their maturity level. Well, she looked like she was having fun. Her belting the word “vagina” in place of ass was the highlight of the episode for me. This was really her episode to shine, and shine she did.

I really like the episodes where the gang enthusiastically grabs the spotlight from “normal people” (and I use that phrase in the loosest sense of the words this week). Charlie was almost adorable as his version of the nasty, angry dance coach from Dance Moms. I also liked how shockingly not-inappropriate their opening song was. And I admit it … fat Mac is super funny. As he danced, his too tight shirt kept getting higher like Will Ferrell’s in the cowbell sketch. Fat guy in a tight shirt — pretty classic comedy. He’s like Zoidberg — the trick is not having him be the main focus in every A-story.

You feel legitimately bad for Frank — there was never a time during the episode where he wasn’t digging the hole deeper. His suggestions for the song (“I wouldn’t do it with anybody younger than my daughter!”) and general comments during the pageant were both hilarious and cringworthy. As my boyfriend put it, “God damn it, Danny Devito!” Did anyone else think DeVito was referencing his role as the Penguin with his funeral makeup and slicked back hair during the pageant? I totally saw the twist with Walter coming from a mile away. Let’s face it, practically every time we see a seemingly decent new character on the show, they aren’t decent at all (and if they are decent, the gang corrupts them pretty quickly). Speaking of indecent, Artimis is back and still her normal abnormal self. I love whenever Artemis Pebdani comes on the show.

All in all, a very funny episode that walks the fine line between hilarious and cringe-worthy, with Dee taking the spotlight in more ways than one. Keep it up!

All of the best quotes:

“How would you win pageants? Did you have a different face?” — Mac to Dee

“You guys got to change your thinking about child pageants. I mean, child pageants… that’s an American tradition right there, child pageantry? Think about it — in other countries, women they can’t show their ankles, right? They gotta be in those big black tarps or whatever. In America, we can show toddlers in tiny bikinis, we can make them tan, because that’s our right as Americans, OK? Child pageantry is an essential part of the American fabric! You know what, we should dress up our little kids just to show other people that we can!” — Charlie

“There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!” — Mac

“For once, let’s let the boys in America win!” — Charlie

“I bet you wish you could win this pageant, don’t you?” — Dee
“My mom says I’m not pretty enough.” — Justine
“Your mom doesn’t know dick! She’s a dumb fat cow and your sister — she’s a stupid little shit mouth bitch, isn’t she?” — Dee
“You just said a lot of bad words.” — Justine

“I tell you, children’s beauty pageants are an American tradition … but not a proud one.” — Dennis
“Nope.” — Dee

Frank’s Little Beauties song
Magic’s in the air
(Magic’s in the air)
Lace and silk is everywhere
(Lace and silk!)
Struttin’ with dramatic flair
(Dramatic flair!)
And bright smiles
So everyone prepare
For something special tonight
(Here she is! Frank’s little beauties!)

Your heart will go into a cardiac arrest
‘Cause Frank’s little beauties are nothing but the–

From state to state, and town to town
These girls will turn your frown upside down!
(uh-huh, uh-huh)
Who’s brass and class and all the that stuff
These girls will show you they’re good enough
(They’re good! Alright!)

So put your hands together and settle in
Cause tonight we’re getting down
Only one contestant wins
Frank’s little beauty crown!
Woah woah woah!
(Is that it, Artimis?)

Clacked by Katie Schenkel
on Sep 30, 2011 @ 00:03 EST5EDT