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Quotation Marks – Community, the Emmys, and New Girl

Take a look back at the week in quotes, as the Clique offers up our favorites of the week. If we missed yours, share it in the comments!

There’s just something about Premiere Week that makes me a happy compiler of quotes. Not that Premiere Week means what it used to, as it started two weeks ago, and still has seven more days to go. Take a look at what we’ve put together this week. If we missed a good one, be sure to share it in the comments.

Community (Review)

“You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. You are the opposite of Batman!” – Troy

63rd Primetime Emmy Awards

“Welcome back to the Modern Family awards”. — Jane Lynch returning from a commercial break after Modern Family had already won several awards

“You know … a lot of people wonder why I’m a lesbian. Ladies and Gentlemen … the cast of Entourage …” — Jane Lynch

New Girl (Review)

“I need to be able to come home from work, sit on my couch and let my beans out … let’em breath!” — Coach in discussion with his roommates about Jess moving in

“Listen … what if you came out with us tonight? You know … after work? We’ll fix you up, we’ll take you out. We’ll get you a rebound.” — Schmidt
“A rebound?” — Jess
“Yeah.” — Schmidt
“I don’t know if I’m ready.” — Jess
“You’re totally ready for it. I’ll take you through the whole thing. You know … I’ll be like your guide.” — Schmidt
“Like Gandalf through Middle-earth?” – Jess
“Probably not like … okay. First of all … let’s take the Lord Of The Rings references? Let’s put them in a deep, dark cave … where no one’s ever going to find them. Ever.” — Schmidt
“Except Smeagol … he lives in a cave.” – Jess

“Please put your shirt back on. Please don’t make me laugh at you.” – Cece talking to Schmidt after he doffs his shirt
“Can I hit you up with some tea? A little herb tea? Oh … oh, my God. How good is that? For real. What? A little P-mint tea? Yum, right? Hot … sweet … a little teabag action? I wasn’t talking about putting anything on your face.” — Schmidt
“Here it is … douchbag …” — Nick passing Schmidt the douchebag jar
“Listen you guys: Jess is by far the best person that I know. So if you guys let anything happen to her, I’m going come here and crazy murder you.” — Cece
“I’m gonna be honest with you: I didn’t hear a word that you just said, ’cause I can kind of see your ‘party hats’ right now.” — Schmidt

The X Factor (Review and Review)

“Okay, Nicole, you like everything. Let’s hear what you have to say.” — L.A. Reid to Nicole Scherzinger

Person Of Interest (Review)

“You left the government because they lied to you … I never will.” — Mr. Finch to John Reese (The irony that those words are spoken by “Ben Linus” isn’t lost on me)

Prime Suspect (Review)

“Could I ask you something? You ever worry someone might drop a house on you?” — Carter
“The car’s not gonna drive itself.” — Timoney getting in the car and ignoring Carter
“I guess you don’t …” — Carter

“He’s like some kind of surgeon. Thoracic. He’s a Thoracic surgeon … what is that? Sounds like dinosaurs or something …” – Blando

Parks and Recreation (Review)

 “The testicles are like the ears of the genital system. They serve a very important function, but they’re not that great to look at.” — Chris

“Oh my god, your inbox is literally full of penises.” — Chris

“She’ll find me. She has the tracking ability and body odor of a bloodhound.” — Ron on his ex-wife, Tammy

Vampire Diaries (Review)

“You’ve heard of me. Fantastic.” — Klaus, the Hybrid

“You’re the one who told me I could handle things on my own now.” — Elena, trying to convince Alaric to go to Tennessee and the wolf den with her
“Yeah, like frozen dinners and SATs.” — Alaric

“I was wrong.” — Damon
“Are you drunk?” – Elena

Awkward

 “I’m not good at being Switzerland. Chinese people can’t digest cheese and chocolate, and the only thing we’re neutral about is child labor.” – Ming

The Middle 

“You’re dragging us into the woods against our will; that’s kidnapping.” – Axl
“If we were going to kidnap some kids, you’d be far down the list.” – Mike

Fringe  (Review)

“What I do know is this tech isn’t from here.” -Walter
“Not from here, you mean like China?” – Lincoln
“No, not China.” – Olivia

Supernatural (Review)

“We all saw him. No beard. No robe. He was young. And … and sexy. He had a raincoat …” – Woman on news program, about Castiel’s appearance as God

The Secret Circle (Review)

“It’s like I’m living in a Harry Potter movie.” – Cassie
“He has a wand.” – Adam

How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“Kids, if there’s one big theme to this story — and I swear we’re totally, almost, not really all that close to the end — it’s timing. Timing is everything.” – Narrator Ted

[Ted walks in the room] What do you think of this tie?” – Barney
“Oh, thank God. Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding you assume there’s at least one dead stripper in the closet [fake laughs while he checks the closet].” — Ted

“Who wants hot wings?” – Robin
“I’m in. Or, maybe we should just pour hot sauce on Barney since he’s a total chicken.” – Lily

“Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard then disappear was Lebron James [Mimics Lebron James chalk cloud maneuver].” — Barney

“….because the only person on Earth who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is Drunk Marshall Eriksen!” – Drunk Marshall Eriksen

“Look, Ted … Deep in your heart you know that you kind of like one more than the other … Trust me, take the other.” – Robin

“There’s babies everywhere. It’s like a minefield of cuteness … Look at this bastard!” — Marshall

Dr. Who (Review)

“He’s called Alfie. And what are you doing here anyway?” — Craig
“Yes, he likes that … Alfie. Though personally, he likes to be called Stormageddon, Dark Lord of all.” — The Doctor
“I’m sorry, what?” — Craig
“That’s what he calls himself.” — The Doctor
“And how’d you know that?” — Craig
“I speak baby.” — The Doctor

Photo Credit: NBC

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