Let’s rant a bit about The X Factor … shall we?

It’s a well known fact I love music.

It’s in my bones. It courses through me most of the time. Plus, I not only hear music, I can see it.

Did you catch The Soloist with Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr.? If you did, you’ll remember the scene where Nathaniel Ayers (Foxx) attended a classical performance at the Disney Concert Hall. I forget the piece that was played in the film, but I remember vividly Nathaniel’s reaction to hearing it: He saw the music in glorious, swirling, meaningful colors. I was kind of shocked at seeing this scene because — quite often — it’s exactly how I experience music: I see it in colors in my mind as I’m listening to it. Strange, I know.

Segue to a different kind of shock — the shock that was the premiere of The X Factor this week. Good gordness, have I read and heard hype piled upon hype about this vehicle.  I even contributed a sort of preview about the show. In it, I said I would “tune in to see what all the hoopla is about” … and I did. I even said it would probably be messy … and, boy, is it ever.

I want to point out some of the things I cannot stand or have problems with about it. Yeah … I’m feeling a little bit ranty. (But I might toss in a few “likes” if I can dredge any up.)

Tara Shrodes touched on a few items here and here in her X Factor reviews; I’m going to expound on some of those and more:

• Tara mentioned “you’re made of granite if you can’t see any merits in Simon Cowell’s new effort on Fox.” Well … call me ‘ole stone face then, ’cause I haven’t seen any of these so called “merits” yet. What I have seen is knock-off American Idol formatting and critiques not much different from what has come before on Idol and other singing competitions. Granted, there’s only so much you can do when it comes to how one assesses the “talent” (*cough, cough*) that graces the stage, but — in this instance at any rate — there’s nothing of merit there.
• What’s with the panning of the blue audience? Better question: Why the blue audience? Is it supposed to be soothing? Calming? Effect-laden in some way? I’m getting more of a “blues” reaction from some of the Bozo-noses who are fooling themselves on stage rather than when the cameras turn to the assembly in attendance.
• Two words: Nicole Scherzinger. Holy Moley … she makes Kara DioGuardi‘s stint on Idol sound prophetic and wise. Ugh. I thought Ellen DeGeneres was just a body filling a chair at the judges’ table, but Nicole is on the fast track to making me appreciate Ellen more. Even L.A. Reid gave her a nice little zinger at one point: “Okay, Nicole, you like everything. Let’s hear what you have to say.” *ouch*
• In her review of the premiere, Tara mentioned she cried twice during the program. Supposedly, I knew when those times were. Well, she’s wrong. I don’t know when those times were. But … I came close to tears welling up at one point. It was from the outrageous, incredibly moronic performance of Geo Godley, the 43 year-old who dropped his pants on stage causing all kinds of reactions from the judges as well as the audience. (Note: No tears were shed as my eyes were continually open in disgust, causing my tear ducts to dry up from lack of blinking. Thankfully, I had some Visine — and, later, brain bleach — handy.)
• Some of the background music The X Factor uses on the show during various contestants’ stories, introductions, etc. is full of imitation Velveeta goodness. (Note: I hate Velveeta.) Come on … seriously, some of what they’re forcing on us is killing me. The Ghostbusters’ theme? *eyesh* Give me a freakin’ break. There were only two instances where I found the music engaging in the premiere: When Lord, You’re Amazing was played in the background (can’t tell you exactly where that was in the two hours’ worth of programming, but it was effective) and when Coldplay’s Fix You was used on the latter part of Chris Rene’s stint on the show. (Note: I tuned out any of the background music on Thursday night’s airing. Probably one of the better decisions I made that evening.)

I could rant more, but I want to at least get one positive mention in. And that positive mention goes to Dexter Haygood, the 49 year-old homeless performer who’s been around the block a couple (hundred) times. When I heard him put James Brown’s Sex Machine out there, I sat up and took notice. Why? If the dude really has been around music that long, he’s got something more than what he offered initially. He has to have something more. You may think I’m talking out my ass, but I felt it.

Look: Forget the “feel good moment” of his acapella This Is A Man’s World second effort. Forget the audience reaction he got while singing. Forget the little head nods Simon offered during that performance. Forget the slow, cool piano in the background while the judges were critiquing him. Forget the (possible) crocodile tears he shed after his act and the comforting hug he got from host Steve Jones afterward. Forget his emotional back story. Forget all of that. Did you hear him? Did you hear he’s got the chops, that he’s got the gumption and the know-how and the ability to emote a tune and tailor it to come across, leave his lips and settle into others’ ears effectively? Because, he does.

Just the same way Taylor Hicks does. Just the same way Casey Abrams does.

I know they can’t all be gems. Even when you’re good and you can fly, the take offs and landings sometimes get muddled. But, Dexter Haygood is what I want to see on The X Factor to make the show different from Idol or The Voice or any of the other reality singing competitions. I don’t want the freakin’ Geo Godleys or the feeble gun-metal gray words of Nicole. I want The X Factor to be something more … just like The Voice started out to be, but ultimately didn’t live up to its ideal. And so far? I don’t see it.

I’ll keep going, however. There will be more good stuff, I’m sure. I’m curious about the formatting of the show down the line and how it’s going to work. So I’ll keep watching.

Right this moment, though, I’m completely underwhelmed by The X Factor. I’m not crying out “Make it stop!” but I do want it to motor along and get to gettin’ in order to show us something we’ve never seen before.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Sep 23, 2011 @ 17:40 EST5EDT