Quotation Marks – Wilfred, Burn Notice, and MasterChef

I had to give Wilfred the top spot in today’s Quotation Marks post, if for no other reason than it is a show with a guy in a dog suit half the time. I’m surprised Elijah Wood doesn’t accidentally think he’s at Six Flags while on set.

Wilfred (Review)

“Wait … Raffi. Give us your digits! Are you on Facebook … ?!?” — Wilfred to a toy giraffe

“What? I have had him all week! You know … you’d think you’d want your child for the weekend. At least your girlfriend will have someone to watch Thomas The Tank Engine with …” — Beth to her ex-husband

“You may have shampooed and parted your hair to the side, but you’re still the same old Wilfred.” — Ryan to Wilfred

Rookie Blue (Review)

“Alright, let’s start local. Get some of these happy hour soakers off the street. Get close, smell their breath pay attention to details: stammering, lying, bottle of vodka kicking around in the back seat. Epstein you’ve been drunk, huh? Picture your self.” – Shaw

“You can spin the story any way you want. Anybody who cares about you is going to figure it out pretty fast.” – Swarek

Rescue Me

“I really want to kick her in the g–damn box.” — Sheila raging about reporter Pam Kempler

“You are surrounded by vaginas on all sides … which is probably the reason why you’ve grown one all your own.” — Lou to Tommy

Leverage

“You know, I know a way to beat these games you think are rigged.” – Eliot
“Yeah?”- Molly (their target’s daughter)
“What do you think it is?” – Eliot
“What?” – Molly
“Hard work.” – Eliot
“Was Rudy on cable last night?” – Molly
“Yeah….” – Eliot

 Burn Notice

“There were four dudes in there, not three. And I think the fourth might’ve eaten the fifth.” – Jesse

 Teen Wolf

“I really don’t get Lacrosse. When I was in High School we played basketball. Now there’s a real sport.” – Derek’s uncle Peter

Hell’s Kitchen (Review)

“My pissidity level is really high.” — Elise on Hell’s Kitchen

MasterChef (Review and Review)

 “It’s the dish that puts the fear of God in chefs around the world.” — Gordon Ramsay announcing souffles are the pressure test du jour

“I think a lot of your competition are looking at you as the one to beat.” — Joe Bastianich to Christian

“Am I going to stand up there and butter Jen’s ass? I don’t think so.” — Christian, commenting outside the group about Jennifer

So You Think You Can Dance (Review and Review)

“This routine was double hashtag buck. So reckeless, so ‘convictive’.” — Lil’ C on Caitlynn and Marko’s routine

Futurama (Review)

“Incredible. … Zoidberg had friends?” — Hermes
“It was a different time.” — Zoidberg

“Here you go: ‘In memory of the 1st Planet Express ship and it’s crew.’” — stone carver
“Hang on … ‘it’s’ shouldn’t have an apostrophe. This means ‘and it is crew.’ What the hell’s wrong with you?!” — Leela
“It’s a minor error, lady. I’m mean, we’re space aliens. It’s a miracle we can even speak English!” — stone carver

“It’s a space ship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night!” — Fry in space

“Holy crap! It’s a giant space fish!” — Bender
“Actually, the space whale isn’t a space fish. It’s a space mammal.” — Leela
“Wow, interesting. I’m both impressed and being eaten.” — Bender

“Where are we?” — Leela
“In the belly of the beast.” — Hermes
“Like that bible guy who got swallowed by the whale — Pinocchio!” — Fry

“Popsicles here! Can’t mourn the dead without a popsicle!” — Funeral popsicle vendor

“At first, I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale, then I was consumed by the whale.” — Leela

“That sounds clever, but it doesn’t explain much.” — Zoidberg
“Shut up, Zoidberg.” — Leela
“OK.” — Zoidberg

“They haven’t aged a day. The whale must have some kind of möbius colon that endlessly recycles time and space!” — Farnsworth
“Yep, that stands up to scrutiny.” — Scruffy