The Closer – Parents are dicks

Kids are definitely dicks, but parents really take the cake. I’ve never understood the, “If I can’t have him, no one can” mentality. Even when I’m at my craziest, the furthest I go is, “if I can’t have him, then I’ll sit around and plan elaborate revenge fantasies, but just end up drinking a bottle of wine and eating a bunch of candy.” Granted, if the “him” in question were my son, I could be persuaded to murder, but my victim would almost certainly be my wife’s douchey yoga-instructor boyfriend, not my son. My son is awesome, and dude yoga instructors are the worst.

But, the gentleman on this week’s episode of The Closer went in a different direction and pumped enough drugs into his son to kill at least half a dozen 27-year-old rock stars. Murdering your own child obviously isn’t a rational thing in the first place, but it really seems like an especially shitty way to prove that your wife’s a bad mother. I mean, really. No matter what you come at her with, “ooh, you’re promiscuous.” “Ooh, you didn’t drive him to summer camp.” “Ooh, your boyfriend is a dude yoga instructor,” she can always come back with, “Yes, but you KILLED OUR SON. ON PURPOSE.” I’m pretty sure that wins every argument.

I feel like this dude would be terrible at poker. He’s the one who would be like, “I have all prime numbers! In your face!” But he doesn’t understand that like, a seven, a three, and ace, and two face cards that he decided were worth 11 points each don’t actually make a poker hand of any kind, and he gets all pissy and shoves his chips all over the table, making a big mess before he pushes himself away from the table with an aggrieved sigh and goes and talks to someone in the kitchen about how poker is a stupid game anyway. Because here’s the deal: you may have “ruined” your wife by getting sent to jail and thus not having to pay alimony anymore, but she’s not going to be anally raped on a daily basis, so I’m pretty sure her full house beats your hand of nothing.

Brenda’s still in trouble with Captain Raydor, but I love what they’re doing with her now. They have to make her into a dynamic character so people want to watch her spinoff, and they’re doing a fantastic job. You can tell that instead of the one-dimensional she-beast she started off as, she’s a genuinely conflicted character. She likes Brenda and she wants to help her, but Brenda was dead wrong and she knows it.

When Brenda effectively ordered the hit on Turell, I was appalled at her behavior. I also expressed my fear that the show would never do anything else with this storyline. I’m so glad I was wrong. Raydor’s walk-through of the murder scene was amazing, and just reinforces how absolutely wrong Brenda was to do what she did. It seemed as though looking at the blood stains, Brenda may finally be starting to get it, but she’s held so much self-delusion on the subject that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she still thought her actions were righteous.

Clacked by Kona Gallagher
on Aug 02, 2011 @ 20:43 EST5EDT