I apologize that last week, while I was rubbing elbows with fellow geeks from across the world (True story: the lady on the plane sitting next to me flew in from Argentina to see the Fringe panel), that I didn’t have time to share with you our favorite quotes of the week. So, this week, you get a Double Sized edition (Which is good, because apparently there wasn’t much funny TV on while I was in San Diego).
“You’re always telling me to learn technical stuff all the time.” — Eliot
“Well, that’ll never happen.” – Nate
“You’re too young to have a phone.” — Nate
“It’s for if I get abducted.” — Trevor, a kid on the field trip
“Yeah, whatever.” – Nate
“First rule of combat is survive.” — Tom
“We would never kill one of our own. You should understand that.” — Rick to Ben
Bridezillas
“Maybe it’d be faster if there wasn’t so much weight in the back.” – Jesse to his fiancee, when she complains about the speed of his driving
“I don’t need a guy who can tell when somebody’s lying. So what? That’s nothing special. I mean, every nun I ever met could do that. Sister Mary Frances could tell when you were about to lie.” – Steve
“I didn’t come here to spy on you. Not like you think.” — Artie
“Oh, no, the good kind of spying. Like, here, have some flowers, and a puppy, and some spying.” – Claudia
“You find him, you kill him. You cut him in half. Anybody want a cookie?” – Mrs. Argent
“Oh my gawd, there’s Jake Finkleberg. He’s so hot! … I wish he wasn’t my brother.” — Popular Slut from Popular Slut Club
“Will you come back again and tell us more stories and also adopt us all?” — Nina the orphan
“Of course I’ll tell you more stories!” — Leela
“Welcome to the glamorous, big-money world of basic cable TV! … I’m gonna need that pen back.” — Abner Doubledeal
“We all know any TV show that’s even slightly good gets cancelled. Sometimes two or three times!” — Leela
“Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat!” — Bender
“So wait, you play a high school student who’s also secretly a rock star who’s also secretly a massage chair?” — Bender
“No, I play a high school student who’s also secretly a rock star, but in real life I’m a massage chair!” — Pretty robot TV star
“Oh! … You ever made out with a tugboat?” — Bender
“… And poo-poo and pee-pee and penis and gay/ those are the 98 words we don’t say!” — The Rumbledy-Humps’ bad words song
“Promise me you’ll never speak at my funeral.” – Neal to Mozzie, after Mozzie offers his final opinion of Sara
“Can you do it?” – Peter, asking if Neal could impersonate a high ranking Naval officer
“Yeah … I was an admiral. Royal Navy.” – Neal
“I didn’t hear that. Nobody heard that. Pencils down. Don’t write that.” – Peter
Clacked by Ivey West 
on Jul 31, 2011 @ 14:14 EST5EDT
