The Voice – Finally the finals

And … we’re off.

Powers That Be at NBC? Please, please, please, please, please let the final episode of The Voice be all it’s cracked up to be.

It’s not that difficult: We’ve got the top picks of the coaches’ litters in the running, so things have to rock ‘n’ roll along well, don’t they? Don’t they?

Bueller? Bueller … ?!??

Well, let’s see what we’ve got.

First up, we’re “treated” to the four coaches “quadruping it up” to Queen’s “Under Pressure” to comical effect. Come on, guys — how long did you rehearse this tune? 18 seconds? Blake growled it, Christina couldn’t reach the notes no matter how mightily as she tried, Adam softened his parts up so much he was girlish (sorry, Brittany) and Cee Lo was pretty much pointless … plus he could have used a girdle. It was laughable. They would have been tossed on America’s Got Talent, I’d reckon.

Luckily, it’s the contestants we came to see, not the coaches.

Javier Colon puts it out there first with his clear, strong, authoritative vocal on the original “Stitch By Stitch.” He makes it look easy and sets the tone for everyone else who follows him. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do, right?

The first coach / contestant duet of the night came with Blake Shelton and Dia Frampton taking on Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down” to poor effect. Not only did they look as if they were backed up by a shoddy contingent of Men In Black singers, they both sang as if Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were the ones up there showcasing the song. *ugh* No other duet from this point forward can do anything but go up from here.

“Afraid To Sleep” is Vicci Martinez‘ original tune. It was performed adequately, but it was rather subdued, calm, cool and collected. It wasn’t the “wowzer” Vicci needed for a finale piece. It failed to do anything to put her in the lead. She wasn’t watching Javier’s performance, that’s for certain.

What happened when Christina Aguilera and Beverly McLellan sat together to double up on Christina’s ballad “Beautiful” was a 180° turnaround, however. Let me tell you what:

Best. Duet. Of. The. Night. Period.

There were several things that gave me chills about it. First off, Beverly singing that first “I am beautiful” in all her big, bold baldness, eyes thrown wide at anyone daring enough to look her way. That was an impression I’ll keep with me for a while. A funnier moment was toward the end when she flashed devil horns with her right hand while matching Christina note for note. And there were plenty more moments in between. The entire performance was terrific. It even made me like Christina for a few moments. Just a few.

In the middle of Dia Frampton’s original “Inventing Shadows” you could see a concerned look on Blake Shelton’s face that didn’t bode well. Dia sounded amateurish and frantic, appearing almost distracted while singing the song. Nothing outstanding at all about it. (Again, Dia didn’t see Javier’s first stint.)

Segue to Adam Levine and Javier belting out MJ’s “Man In The Mirror” with aplomb. The first two thirds of it worked, seemingly coming on par with what Christina and Beverly did before them, but the latter end of it got a bit muddled and lost its structure. It still beat out Blake and Dia’s sad take, though.

The last original song of the night was courtesy of Beverly. “Lovesick” was a strange, weird upbeat tune with some interesting elements to it. Terrific beat, tempo and chorus, but it was fractured and kind of all over the place. Was it enough to beat out Javier and his “Stitch By Stitch”? No.  But she definitely had a good time up there putting on a show.

The last duet of the night rivaled the coaches “Under Pressure” at the beginning of the show. “Love Is A Battlefield” was just as comical with all the pronounced air jousting by the dancers and Cee Lo’s Gwar-like outfit. There’s just so many things he can sing, isn’t there? This wasn’t one of them.

It’s a battle between Javier and Beverly in my estimation. I would like to see Beverly take it, but I fear her appearance might scare too many away. The only way Javier will lose is by the fact he’s failed several times in his past endeavors as an artist.

If the spectacle of this episode wasn’t enough for you, you have one final opportunity to catch the monkey business on the season ender … where I expect to be “trending” per Alison Haislip and her dippy media room.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Jun 29, 2011 @ 11:00 EST5EDT