The live rounds commence (and the fur flies) on The Voice!

Wow. I don’t know what you saw, but from my perspective things were a mess on The Voice. It’s as if The Powers That Be are taking lessons from The Bachelorette.

Did everything seem fractured to you? Did you get the feeling you were sitting down to a meal that wasn’t thought through properly? You know … the main dish undercooked? The guests blurt inappropriate comments? Missing silverware and napkins and condiments? Because this is the way it felt to me in this first segment of the live rounds.

I was impressed with exactly two of the contestants: Beverly McClellan who belted out Melissa Etheridge’s “I’m The Only One” (Beverly? She just might be The Voice) and Xenia who lilted her way through “Price Tag” engagingly. It’s evident Xenia’s young age isn’t capable of yielding any stage presence yet as she cannot emote effectively, but her voice is certainly a treat and her performance made me smile. Both ladies’ videos are below for your dining and dancing pleasure:

What I wasn’t impressed with was the banter and foibles of the evening, including the tone-deaf ears of the coaches. When a coach feels the need to use “Tonight I saw your meat come out” to express what a contestant’s performance was like (granted, that’s taken out of context … but still), then later inappropriately and blatantly calls out another asking him to take his pants off, well … what have things digressed to here? Yes, I’m talking about Coach Christina. Additionally, she accused Blake’s team of being “fake” early on in the program. Do I need to get into a tit for tat about all the falsehoods that could be noted as “fake” about her? No, I do not. I’ll leave it at that.

Hokay … so, where do we go from here? This was the opening session of the live rounds after all. And there was lots of (supposed) hoopla. I’ll touch on a few …

• Nope. Dia Frampton (and her sparkly eyes) is not The Voice (Dia elicited the “meat” comment from Christina I mentioned up above).
• One of the strangest dresses I’ve ever seen was the one Xenia wore. It didn’t take away from her performance, but it was distracting enough to make me take a double and triple look and wonder how the pattern meshed with her bow tie. Speaking of outfits, it appeared by what she was wearing that Raquel Castro got lost from the parade she was marching in when she came out for the group performance with Christina and Company for “Lady Marmalade.”
• Seemed to me Christina blathered about everything under the sun. Seriously. [And people? It’s not Christina with an “X” in her name. Despite her idiotic comments, I still have enough respect to write her name properly.]
• Lily Elise: Regardless of what’s gone before, why is she still here? Based on her performance, she shouldn’t be.
• Anyone notice the coaches and their lack of constructive criticism this episode? Because how can you disagree with complete lack of objective analysis? Obviously all the contestants were perfect, because none of the judges had any suggestions for improvements.
• I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this … but I absolutely abhor Carson Daly, the fact he “spruced up” this episode notwithstanding. He almost looked respectable. But here’s the deal with me and Carson: since his Total Request Live days, he’s “improved” … but he’s engaging only in the most miniscule sense (don’t worry though. I have my magnifying glass out and I’m doing my best to discover where that improvement is).  But that improvement isn’t in the personality department. Let’s put it this way: I have a collection of Sock Monkeys, several of which I know for a fact have more personality than he does. If this is the best he can do as a host then I give up. Another thing: can’t stand the way he closes out a contestant’s turn before going to a commercial: “If you love Patrick, then save him.” The performer sounds like a loser right out of the gate, doesn’t it? [Side Note: Don’t know about your local station airing The Voice, but at one point mine switched to a Disneyland “Star Tours” spot right as Carson went to commercial. I thought the irony of such a thing was hilarious. Some programming whiz at NBC set that up on purpose. I was about on the floor guffawing. If you didn’t see the irony, I won’t be able to explain it to you.]
• Did you catch the censoring of the “This Love” lyrics during Team Blake’s performance? You didn’t? Then it really doesn’t make a bit of difference does it?
• Cee Lo: He’s scary without glasses. Period.
• Heterosexually speaking, glistening sweat on the head of a bald man who has performed usually tells me that person is into the song and giving it his all. Rather cool and it works. But on a bald woman, say … Frenchie Davis? Off putting. [P.S. Another News Flash: Frenchie is not The Voice.]
• Question: Does anyone have an opinion on Christina’s painted-on hot pants she showed off to (some kind of) effect? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller … ???

Oh … there’s lots more. But I’ll leave some of the fun things — like Freddie Mercury spinning in his grave after the coaches’ Queen performance or Adam and Blake’s bromance blather, etc. —  to the comments section.

Deal? Okay. It’s a deal.

Oh. Did I mention I loathe Carson Daly? Not certain I did that.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Jun 08, 2011 @ 16:50 EST5EDT