Thankfully, the battle rounds are over on The Voice

Our little buddy Carson Daly declared daringly at the beginning of The Voice: “So far, the battles have been intense.”

The questions that raced through my mind when I heard this were “I’ve been watching the same program he’s been hosting, haven’t I? This is The Voice Tuesday night on NBC, right?”

Because I haven’t witnessed any “intense” battles over the course of the last few weeks. I’ve seen a few interesting ones. A couple cringe-worthy contests. Definitely some which have left me yawning. But battles of intensity? No. I don’t think so, Tim.

Regardless of my opinion and/or the fact Carson has been deluding himself all this time, one thing is for certain: With this episode, the Battle Rounds are a thing of the past. This was the capping venture of that format and I’m a bit relieved we can put it to bed. Glad I witnessed them, but I’m also glad we’re moving forward to a “live” show next week where the players in the game will be left to their own devices. *cough, cough*

But we still have some business to attend to — this week’s show and the battles therein.

First up: Adam’s remaining team member Jeff Jenkins & Casey Desmond who took on Elton John’s “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me.” To me, Casey is distracting as all get out. If her primary red hair wasn’t enough to catch your attention, her car-crash eyelids certainly did. She looked as if she’d been in an automobile accident with those bruised and battered looking peepers. She had a bit of an air of Disneyland’s “Haunted Mansion” to me … you know, the seance scene with Madame Leota’s floating head in the crystal ball? That’s what I was reminded of. And that dead, hairy/feathery animal on her lapel was rather off-putting, wasn’t it? The duel itself between the two was shaky and I’m pleased Jeff took it away from Casey, but it was nothing to be proud of. “Team Adam en fuego” (“Team Adam is on fire”) commented Carson post-performance with (attempted) coolness, but in reality it didn’t translate that way at all. They were not on fire. Had they been, it would have made a more compelling round.

Blake Shelton’s last two players — Xenia and Sara Oromchi — were given The Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You” to tussle over. This was a travesty from start to finish. It wasn’t a “battle of the shy girls” as one of them noted during rehearsals, but it was a wandering, meandering, monumentally poor performance on behalf of the both of them. It wasn’t as if it was an awkward song for the two to take on, but Sara massacred it while Xenia commenced butchering it further. That they were able to finish without both collapsing in heaps at the end was a minor miracle. To my amazement (while I was attempting to shake the painful hurt of the performance out of my ears) Cee Lo commented he was “impressed” with the two of them. Impressed? Impressed with what? That they ultimately weren’t both ushered out the door for sonic manslaughter? That they weren’t lambasted by Cee Lo’s fellow judges?

Christina’s final team members then proceeded to choke the life out of Carrie Underwood’s “Since U Been Gone” to a degree that I wished they were gone. While it had shaped up to be a night of overall unimpressiveness, Lily Elise and Cherie Oakley carried that torch proudly forward. So forgettable was their duet, I temporarily forgot who was chosen the winner. (It was Lily and her towering presence.)

Last up? Emily Valentine and Curtis Grimes to chew on and spit out Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now.” I really, really don’t want to revert to my standby snark and say the tattoos were Emily’s downfall … but they just may have been. Beautiful pale girl, eyebrows a bit too sculpted, statuesque … but, oh those tattoos. *ouch* From the aortic vessels bursting forth from her cleavage to the ghastly whatever-it-was on the front of her left foot, offputting ink was really the only thing that was noteworthy of her part in the song for me. And Curtis Grimes wasn’t much better, but he seemed to be the more vocally interesting. Here again, we have another song that (and I’m stepping out of my preference here because I’m tired of this particular song) looks good on paper, but fails spectacularly when it gets vocalized in a duet with a couple contestants … at least in this case. But this is not news; we’ve seen the scenario played out several times over the course of the 16 battles.

Observations: When this segment of the show began,  I was of the mind the “battles” would have been much more interesting had the contestants been paired up team against team in a random draw rather than coaches choosing fellow team members to compete with each other. It would have made for more compelling drama. It might even have forced a few of the contestants to lay it on the line in a fight for their lives in earning a later spot on the show. Alas, it has come to pass and now we motor along to see what The Powers That Be have in store for us next week.

Cripes, Michael: Were you cranky this week or what? Was this episode really that weak and mundane? I’ll let you decide. Tell it as you saw it in the comments below, folks.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Jun 01, 2011 @ 13:58 EST5EDT