Quotation Marks – The Office, Glee, The Amazing Race and more

Season finale time is all about the drama … deaths, firings, pregnancies, lions, tigers, and bears … but it is also a time of funny lines. These are some of our favorites from this week.

The Office (Review)

“… I expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection.” – Dwight
“Question: If we’ve already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?” – Jim
“Define foment.” – Dwight
“You define foment.” – Jim

“… You guys are my best friends. And I mean that. Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life … and if you ruin this I will burn this office to the ground.” – Dwight

“I don’t feel good about it, but he just kept calling himself a gunshot victim and it got to me.” – Darryl, on making Andy think he had gone deaf

Make It or Break It (Review)

“I’ll make you a deal. If I promise to fight, will you?” — Damon, to Kaylie, before leaving to be with Emily

“I’m in recovery. And how am I supposed to know what I’m capable of if nobody gives me a chance? I deserve a chance.” — Kaylie

“I appreciate that you’re her therapist, but I’m her coach. And Kaylie became anorexic on my watch.” — Sasha, to Gene
“And Payson broke her back, and Emily got pregnant. And all that happened because teenagers keep secrets. From their parents, and their coaches.” — Gene, trying to convince Sasha that it wasn’t his fault

“Sasha? In therapy? I wish I could’ve been a fly on that wall.” — Lauren

“Must be hard seeing your spot being snatched away but maybe it’s for the best, Kaylie. You never know when you might snap again.” — Kelly
“Must be hard being such an obnoxious bitch.” — Lauren
“Oh, but you make it so easy!” — Kelly

Bob’s Burgers (Review)

“Wow. I didn’t know you were rich. Kids off the furniture …” — Bob to Mort and the kids who are jumping on furniture
“Well, I get a lot of stuff cheap. Everything in here had someone die on it.” — Mort
“Kids! Off the furniture … !!!” — Bob

“Okay, kids … don’t climb on anything, don’t touch anything. If you do touch something, don’t touch me afterwards. And don’t play with dead bodies.” — Bob as the family enters Mort’s mortuary
“Do you think he’s gonna have skulls?” — Tina
“What do you think he eats soup out of?” — Louise
“Hey do you think he’s gonna have gum he takes out of corpse pockets? ‘Cause if he does, I want some!” — Gene

“Bet you never knew washing out rubber tubing could be such a blast.” — Mort
“Well, I had a feeling.” — Louise
“Who wants to help me glue a toupee on an old man’s cadaver?” — Mort
“Yay! This is like camp.” — Louise

“It’s trying to sweet-talk us!” — Louise
“That’s classic zombie.” — Tina

The Amazing Race (Review)

“I’ve seen him dance, but not sober.” — Justin commenting on Zev attempting the samba

“What’s the penalty for knocking her out cold?” — Justin during his Brazilian wax

“When they do somethin’ stupid, we think it’s funny.” — Trailer park resident commenting on the teams’ construction skills

“Seven Mile Bridge is really seven miles. We didn’t have a chance after mile two.” — Big Easy commenting on Kisha & Jen’s lead

Glee (Review)

“Kurt, I think that you need a full security detail which the Bully Whips and I would be more than happy to provide you with. You know, like the Hell’s Angels when the Rolling Stones performed at Altamont Speedway. I think that went off without a hitch.” – Santana

“I thought this song was about a baby.” – Mercedes as Artie serenaded Brittany with Isn’t She Lovely

“Dude, that rocks. It’s like gay Braveheart.” – Finn complimenting Kurt’s prom outfit homage to the royal wedding

“You’re the worst P.O.W. ever. John McCain is rolling over in his grave!” – Sue interrogating Artie about spiking the punch

“As soon as we get to New York, I’m bailing to live in a lesbian colony … or TriBeCa.” – Santana after losing the Prom Queen vote

“They must have sensed that I was a lesbian, I mean they must have! Do I smell like a golf course?” – Santana

Parks and Rec (Review and Review)

“We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter. But work comes in third.” — Leslie

“Big deal, everyone steals. My favorite movie? Is Love Don’t Cost a Thing, with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can’t Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare? Don’t know, don’t care.” — Tom

“It’s never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on the taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples … I’m gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.” — Ron

Big Bang Theory (Review)

“They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.” — Priya
“How old were they?” — Penny
“Not as old as you’d want them to be.” — Penny

“ You brought a Catholic girl home to you mother? Why don’t I write you a prescription for Xanax.” — Doctor

“Do you know where the phrase jibber jabber comes from?” — Sheldon
“Oh my god, you’re about to jibber jabber about ‘jibber jabber?’” — Penny

Bones (Review)

“Vincent’s favorite song was ‘Da Lime in Da Coconut.’” – Bones
“Seriously? Because that’s like … that’s my jam.” – Sweets

The Middle (Review)

“Uh, I’ve gotta get out of this.” – Axl, on his date with Weird Ashleigh
“Axl, what is wrong with you? How would you feel if some girl did that to you?” – Frankie
“I don’t know. How would I feel if dogs ran the planet? You’re not making sense. Although that would be pretty cool.” – Axl

Quotes from the Ether

“Whoa. Are her boobs, like, super-compressed?” — Rachel’s husband (Who apparently is forced to watch Gossip Girl by his wife), upon seeing Charlie in her undergarments

Gossip Girl (Review)

“So I thought I’d bring some luxury across the river. Brooklyn needs it. It’s all bars, bakeries, and babies. Not a hotel in sight.” — Chuck, describing his new business venture, Charles Place Hotel, to Nate

“Like much else in your life, that apology was … underwhelming.” — Blair, to Serena

“Princess Sophie, welcome to our tasteful and appropriate home.” — Eleanor, to Louis’ mother

“Your stepfather is wonderful, Blair.” — Princess Sophie
“Yes, I loved him at first sight.” — Blair
“No, ya didn’t.” — Eleanor

“You’re as dead to me as my mother is.” — Raina, to her father, upon finding out the truth about who was really responsible for her mother’s death

In Plain Sight (Review)

“Just make sure my witness shows up safe and sound at trial.” – Zietman
“Wait, safe and sound? Is that new? It’s not an either or thing?” – Mary