Host Tom Bergeron said last week Dancing With The Stars was the most watched show in America.
Naturally I had to high-tail it over to Brett’s ratings post to see for myself. And sure enough it was. It even beat out American Idol for the week. How could I be anything but impressed? It’s obviously been a while since I’ve seen DWTS, so go easy on me. If I stumble like someone who’s never done a waltz before (I haven’t), then cut me a little slack, ‘kay?
Chelsea and Mark: After Chelsea gave Mark a bit of a chewing out over how she thought the judges saw them, I wondered: How close are they really? Because they both looked pretty comfy together. It showed. Even Len, after mouthing off crankily about there being too much story and not enough dance, dug their routine. Didn’t stop them from garnering a couple 10’s in the process as well.
Hines and Kym: All I could think of throughout their fox trot performance was “cheese, cheese and more cheese.” And sure enough every single person referenced “cheese” … from the judges to the host right on down to Brooke’s post-interview. And here I thought I was out of my element …
Romeo and Chelsie. I couldn’t see their tango to save my life. Romeo against all dark backgrounds and dressed head-to-toe in same — could you blame me? If not for Chelsea’s right-out-of-The-Matrix vinyl-y, waxy, lipstick-red slicker with a funky black bow, I may not have even known she had a dancing partner. I just didn’t catch the dance. Thankfully, the judges did and gave them high marks. There’s a reason I’m not a judge.
Ralph and Karina: So … Ralphie got a big boo-boo, eh? In spite of it, he pulled up his big boy pants, shoved a metal rod up his back and worked it out. Hats off to him. He might have earned the lowest score after the round, but he got my respect.
Kirstie and Maks: With a few rehearsal falls that rattled the rafters, Kirstie came back and pretty much tore the couple’s Argentine tango up. I didn’t think it was possible to ever picture her pulling off a sultry dance, but she did.
What an interesting stage of the competition to be writing about, what with the “instant dance” in the mix. The way I figure it, regardless of it being an on-the-spot terror, most of them should step up to the plate and deal with it, right?
Instant dance Chelsea and Mark? *blech* Too shaky for my taste. It looked forced and thunky. (Though how anything that frantic can look “thunky” is a bit of an oxymoron. But it did.) Thumbs down. (Yeah … like I could do any better.)
Instant dance Hines and Kym? For all the flagrant floppiness during rehearsals Hines demonstrated practicing the jive, he looked pretty damned good out there. And — outside of Bruno commenting it was rather flat-footed and penguin-like — the other judges tipped their hats.
Instant dance Romeo and Chelsie? There’s no schmaltz in salsa! Well … unless you’re Romeo. Man, does the guy ooze smarmy! But he tried to put his money where his mouth was. In the end, I believe the attitude was what got him through, not the dance itself.
Instant dance Ralph and Karina? Wow! Very, very stunted, broken and schlumpy. Forcing a bad performance out of a bum leg, it goes without saying it wasn’t good, but Ralph “manned up” and did what he could. Contributing to the lowest score of the night will be interesting come elimination.
Finally, instant dance Kirstie and Maks. I’m lost. And it wasn’t the dance that lost me. It was Kirstie’s shoes. Sporting a bright blue top, frilly pants and blue flower in her hair with Maks in complimenting colors, my only question? Where did that pair of shoes come from? I couldn’t get past them. They were so distracting I forgot what kind of dance they did. Seriously.
Chelsea and Mark garnered the most points for the night; they’re safe as a seatbelt. Despite Ralph and Karina earning the lowest score of the evening, I doubt they’re headed to pasture. I do believe it’s that time for Kirstie and Maks to get the shaft, fun as she may be to watch every week.
“Am I losing my mind … or has he changed his medication?” — Bruno Tonioli commenting on Len Goodman’s critique of Romeo’s salsa
“Those are two separate issues …” — Tom Bergeron in reply to Bruno
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on May 10, 2011 @ 09:43 EST5EDT
Kristie’s shoes — Cobbler’s nightmare.