Unscripted dramas: What will they think of next?

The CliqueClack team got wind of a recent announcement that A&E plans to add not one, not two, but ten new unscripted series by the end of 2011. What?! As Clacker An says, “Is having ’10 new unscripted dramas’ really something to brag about? That’s like bragging they’ve created 10 new shows that they’ve put absolutely no effort into, yet still expect people to watch.”

We started a discussion about the ubiquitous “Reality Drama,” which can span anything from diseases and afflictions to bizarre lifestyles to quirky families and their goings-on … basically, as long as they’re unscripted, it’s fair game.

The team worked together to create some fake unscripted shows, which we’ve mixed in with three actual shows that A&E plans to launch this year. Can you, our readers, sift through the absurdities and select the real shows? Or will we be able to fool you? (No peeking at Google!)

We’ll announce which three are real are which are fakes — along with which Clacker came up with what — later on, in the comments.

NEW UNSCRIPTED SERIES FOR 2011

Sit, Stay, Heel: A show following families in which the dog is boss and the owner obeys. Can our team of experts get these households out of the doghouse and convince man’s best friend to comply?

Waking Up In Vegas:  Taking our cues from The Hangover, we follow a series of couples who “didn’t know they got married” the night before. These impulsive men and women decide not to get an annulment, but rather, to continue the relationship. Will their marriages hit the jackpot, or will they lose everything?

Hotel Hell: We scour the country for the worst hotels. From bedbugs to unsightly blacklight reveals, find out what’s really going on between the sheets.

Chicken Ranch Condo: Chicken farmers compete in a free-for-all format where the coops are lavish and the poultry is pampered. Details of the actual competition are yet to be revealed, but one lucky farmer will be rewarded with a 52-week supply of biscuits and gravy and (surprise!) government subsidies to run his or her ranch free and clear for the next two years.

The (Alternate) World According to Jim: Jim’s lazy mannerisms and bumbling solutions to problems make him a nationwide celebrity, cultural icon and much-sought-after guru in The Ways Of Life. But there are signs not all is champagne and caviar when a mysterious figure appears each episode exacting due for Jim’s good fortune …

My Emoticon Moment: Unwary people are surprised (or not) on the street, their homes, and in the mail by situations resulting in them being handed pen and paper to express their feelings via acronyms (LOL, etc.) or emoticons (frowny face, etc.) only.

Model Apartment: A glimpse inside the world of six models living together for a fly-on-the-wall look at how they live, work and play. It’s a glamorous world, but the model lifespan is short and the clock is always ticking to hit it big while they can.

Byte Me: Go behind the scenes at a hot startup company and watch what happens as the IT team struggles to keep the service running, while the programmers race to add new features, and management angles for more money to keep the lights on. (Alternate title: BOFH.)

Scrubbed: From the cousins of the people that brought you Hoarders, each episode takes you inside the world of  a clean freak/germaphobe (mysophobia will be mentioned when Dr. Drew comes in to counsel) to wtiness the bizarre lengths they’ll go to avoid any and all contaminants. Hosted by notorious germaphobe Howie Mandel.

Duckmen: Meet the Robertsons, who run their family business while living the American Dream down in Louisiana. From deep in the swamps, they operate a multi-million dollar sporting empire, employing half of their hometown and fabricating, of all things, duck calls and decoys, while remaining true to their roots by living off the land.

Pimp My Bike: A new Nickelodeon show from executive producer xZibit. Fun for all ages as Noah Munck (iCarly‘s Gibby) surprises kids from 3 to 13 by showing up with his team of bike mechanics to make their bike the coolest on the block.

Newsletter, Newsletter, What Will You Say?: An exhausting soup-to-nuts, three-part, multi-night in-depth study by documentarian Ken Burns on how fifth-graders put together a school newsletter.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Exploited: Fresh off of his wildly successful tour for The Agony And The Ecstasy of Steve Jobs, world renowned monologist Mike Daisey brings you this groundbreaking new show that juxtaposes the opulence of life at 1 Infinite Loop with the harsh conditions of the people in Shenzhen who build all of those iDevices.

Bloggers, Inc.: Follow wildly successful blogger Mary Jane Builder as she both runs and comments on several blogs simultaneously. Watch her maintain her deadlines while working from home! Can she successfully watch her next show without distractions from family or friends? A special dramatic moment when Mary Jane deals with reader criticism.

English Grads!: Did you enjoy Possession? Watch this amazing piece of non-fiction! What happens when scripted writers go unscripted? Follow the graduate students as they research, drink coffee, fail freshmen, sleep, comment on TV, sleep, attend seminars and sleep again! If you’ve watched paint dry, you’ll know the excitement is non-stop! Remember your dislike of your college TA all over again. Brought to you by the producers of Tony Danza’s Teach.

Balls: For years, the Davidsons of Colorado have toiled in obscurity, providing a valuable service to the world. If you’ve ever enjoyed Rocky Mountain Oysters, you know their work. Now, for the first time, go behind the scenes and find out what it takes to get this mid-western delicacy from the bull to the plate.

Ship Happens: There’s a rare breed of independent truckers that have discovered the fortunes of transporting things that traditional carriers won’t touch, such as airplanes, herds of goats, homes, and so on. This new series explores the cutthroat world of these competitive shippers: people who ship odd sized packages for big bucks.

So You Want A Reality Show?: Have you ever dreamed of becoming a reality star? Join John Jameson as he travels to several high-profile television networks pitching a reality show about … pitching a reality show. Learn what it takes and how to sell it. If you’re watching it, it means John has already won! (Alternate title: America’s Next Top Reality Show.)

Remember, in this poll, you can vote for the three you think are real! Good luck!

Clacked by Rachel Blum-Jose
on May 04, 2011 @ 20:34 EST5EDT