I thought this week would show Nikita the normal life she always wanted when meeting the third guardian. Instead we get the worst episode since the pilot. Seriously, CW, I’m down with filler shows, but not abysmally crappy ones. I know the CW hasn’t renewed you yet (‘cause they’re fools), but honestly this sucked balls. Considering Kalinda Vazquez serves as the executive story editor and wrote/co-wrote “Free” and “Resistance,” there’s no excuse for this bit of crap. Heck, you can tell the actors hated it because they barely phoned it in. In fact, I refuse to review this episode properly.
Everything felt off. After awhile, I just started bullet-pointing my observations whenever something ridiculous occurred. It turns out I recorded 31 inane instances (note: I didn’t write down EVERYTHING, or I would’ve broken out into tears). However, things that seemed off regarding character development or basic logic, included:
- Alex all of a sudden wanting out when last week she declared she wanted to remain inside Division’s walls to do good missions.
- Alex suddenly blurting out that she works for government assassins to a newbie, when she managed to avoid Amanda’s questioning when drugged and recovering from forced addiction.
- Um, if Nikita shows up before every single one of Michael’s missions won’t Percy suspect something? Wasn’t she a wee bit more covert when she thwarted Alex’s missions?
- Nathan’s weird stupidity.
- Nikita and Michael’s blatantly obvious text messaging.
- What’s up with Michael’s sudden mission stupidity? Michael, the Monk, wanting to go out on a date in public just seems odd. Also, isn’t Nikita normally the one forcing the relationship?
- Really? The guardian, the hyper bad spy to end all spies, didn’t notice the huge black seemingly government-issue SUV following her?
- Shouldn’t the guardian already know about Nikita? Why did Nikita have to give her life story as to why she should trust her? EVERYONE knows that division killed Nikita’s fiancee, that’s why she’s on the watch list!! It’s in her #$#* profile!
- Really? Division puts the recruits about 10 minutes apart from each other in the same city near their headquarters?
- Really? Alex opens the door with the suitcase on the bed? (OK, that I can understand)
- Really? It only takes half an hour for a team to appear – when normally they almost appear like magic?
- Really? A cop complaining about his girlfriend’s work as a government hired assassin? He has an issue with her killing on missions (even the good ones), and, um, he’s a cop?
- Really? They talk about this in the living room and the teenager runs out? Honestly, wouldn’t most intrusive teens just hop in the conversation?
- Why is Jaden so grateful to Alex? Last week they almost implied that she played Alex.
- Why did Alex leave her door unlocked for Nathan to barge in?
- Why is Jaden carrying a knife?
- Why is Alex’s boyfriend carrying a gun?
- Why is Alex lying to Nikita, again? And, why is she freaking out when she never freaked out before?
- And, what? They kill off Jaden, now?! When she finally starts to make sense as a character? And, when she FINALLY becomes a good agent and can toe the line with Alex in a fight?
- Why is Michael meeting everyone at the same diner at the same table? Isn’t he afraid someone might say “what’s up with two meetings in one night?”
- All of a sudden, Nikita’s a vegetarian?
- Really? The local locksmith has a plate glass window with the crappiest lock possible?
- What? The guy sitting next to Michael didn’t notice him texting to NIKITA while DRIVING?
- Really? After showing us killer teenagers who can take on hideous responsibilities, we have a 16-year-old acting like he’s 12?
- Why is the guardian dumb enough to use the CB radio?
- What is up with the agent usurping Michael’s role? Since when do the sub-agents overstep him?
- And, how will Michael explain four dead agents, AGAIN? And, AGAIN, he has no mark? At least in the first couple episodes, Michael returned looking like Nikita smacked the hell out of him.
- Since when does Michael speak in clichés about relationships? Also, aren’t they both still mourning their dead lovers? Right now, it feels like they’re just knocking boots. Sure, they have a history, but jumping into a full-fledged, fully-committed relationship seems odd with two people with as many ghosts and phobias as they have.
- What? Why are they walking hand in hand in public? I know the guardian just killed off Michael’s team, but honestly!
- The guardian’s driving away in their station wagon?! ‘Cause Percy won’t figure out how to trace plates of the sheriff’s car that disappeared the same day as the guardian?!
- I know I should enjoy the return to the plot, as normally I like their surprise endings. But, this just seemed right out of left field without any suspenseful build up during the episode.
That’s it. Last night’s episode sucked like a teenager on prom night. No wait, it sucked worse than a hoover vacuum cleaner. No, it sucked worse than … Actually, what do you think it sucked worse than?
Photo Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg / The CW
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“Why is Alex’s boyfriend carrying a gun”
It was Jadens gun, she pulled it from the back of her pants (don’t they always) during their fight. Then they fight some more, the gun gets thrown away and Jaden pulls the knife instead. Nathan runs in, gets knocked out for like 2 seconds and then picks up the gun and bam! And by the way, can we please end the whole Nathan story, it’s boring.
Yes, it had alot (!) of inconsistencies but I semi-enjoyed it nonetheless :)
*POST AUTHOR*
Thanks for that! I forgot about Jaden’s gun. I just kept thinking – “Alex didn’t leave a gun blatantly on the bed. Nathan didn’t walk in with a gun in his hand. He clearly didn’t have one under his thin t-shirt. So, where did that come from and why does a DJ have it?!!!”
Thank you for summing this up in more snarky awesomeness than I ever could, An! You said many of the things that I thought while just staring at my TV in utter disbelief.
Thanks! I’m glad you found a way to review it for your other site. Here’s hoping next week is back on track!
Not a superb episode, but I think the key to watching Nikita is to just completely ignore all plot holes.
I mean, why aren’t there cameras inside Division? Why don’t they track calls made on cell phones inside Division? Why aren’t there cameras at agents’ apartments? If Birkhoff can search every security camera, why hasn’t he yet seen the many times Nikita and Michael were together in public?
And so on and so forth. At best, the show is a fun action popcorn thriller with some juicy romantic subplots. At worst, it’s boring.
*POST AUTHOR*
That’s the thing. Normally, Nikita doesn’t have plot holes. And, I’ve always wondered why they don’t have cameras in the hallways or agents’ apartments (especially since they irrationally place audio implants into new agents), but I decided to chalk it up to Percy not wanting his own secret hallway meetings captured on film (or creating video feed government employees could use to dismantle the organization).
I’d never call Nikita boring, but last week came close –