Michael: When I was first introduced to our little ditty of the week below, I wasn’t quite certain what to think. I know there was uncomfortable laughter followed by a bit of head scratching, however.
This is one of those things that really gets you wondering. Simple questions, you know? Like: “Why?” or “What the … ?!?” or “Who came up with this?!”
But! I have a few theories about it.
And each time I try to put one to paper, another comes to mind. But I’ll keep it to a dull roar and take the Top five out for a spin. All the while trying to erase the images of the commercial out of my mind.
*shudder*
Michael’s Theory #1: The guy really lives like this. Secretly. In his own little apartment.
In the outside world, he’s a not-so-normal, behind-the-counter postal employee who hisses at people asking him to “borrow” packing tape.
Tara: No doubt. This guy is weird. Just goes to show you: You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Michael’s Theory #2: The guy loves Garfield, Felix, Jerry, the music of Cat Stevens and The Stray Cats. He obviously loathes Snoopy, Rin Tin Tin and Cal Worthington’s dog Spot. And he has secret crush on the cat Pepe Le Pew is always chasing around in those Warner Bros. cartoons.
Tara: True cat people and owners love Cat Stevens and how easy it is to take care of our little buddies. I mean, who would want a best friend smelling their crotch, slobbering on them, making their house stink, jumping on their friends and needing constant attention? Plus! My cat Cici kisses me all the time. Is that so wrong? And don’t pull out that old adage dogs’ mouths are cleaner than humans. Cause really. That’s such BS.
Michael’s Theory #3: He’s on his ninth life. (Sounds plausible.)
Tara: Now you’re just reaching. *rolls eyes*
Michael’s Theory #4: This is the result of a situation similar to what our hero Ralphie experienced in A Christmas Story. A result gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Tara: Please … someone tell me why that movie is so great. I can’t make it through even half of it. It’s A Wonderful Life kicks its ass.
Michael’s Theory #5: He lost a bet.
Tara: I don’t get why Skittles would want to represent itself this way. Ew. But here’s a great Cat Stevens song for you …
Michael: Now … here’s what’s really disturbing:
Look at the background. See the drawer pulls on the doors? Skittle-like and colored. How ’bout the “knobs” (or whatever they are) on that thing to the left on the counter? Are those Skittles, too … ?!? Wait! Curtains in the window! Skittles!
Cripes and cripes! He’s wearing a giant Skittles button … !!!
*GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH* His tongue is orange! Don’t look at it as he licks or you’ll become nauseated! *faints*
Tara: *gleefully throws a blue slushee on Michael* Dang. That was some great virtual fun!
Um. What I meant to say was: Do you need me to buy you a Life Alert or something? You are at a much more advanced age than I am, you know. And you get very upset at television. My apologies, but someone had to tell you.
*runs away before getting the crushing reply she expects, then yells from the distance* See you next week, buddy boy!
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Apr 01, 2011 @ 12:00 EST5EDT
I feel the need to disinfect my finger now…
Okay, now I hate cats AND Skittles. Someone please get me some nice chocolate!
You know I didn’t put my finger there. Yes, I don’t mind my cats licking me — well, until Peanut goes sandpaper tongue bathing me — but cat whisker beard dude is just wrong on so many kinds of levels. Ewww!
I had never seen this commercial/video. WTF indeed! I’ll admit, though, I imagined worse was going to happen (other end of the cat, perhaps), which is why I didn’t put my finger there, thankyouverymuch!