Ladies & gentlemen, your American Idol Top 13

As I sat facing the television set, laptop in my lap, cousin flitting back and forth between the kitchen and the couch, I didn’t have any problem with the pairings or trios who came and went as Ryan Seacrest picked out or picked off the contestants who were staying or going. I sat there and chose each of the Top Ten from all who stood by Seacrest’s side. It was easy enough. And, no … I don’t have proof — outside my cousin — that that’s what actually happened. But if you know me — and many of you do — I state with confidence you know I speak truth. Watching seven years of American Idol will season you, you know.

Paul McDonald, Pia Toscano, Casey Abrams, Haley Reinhart, Scott McCreery, James Durbin, Jacob Lusk, Thia Megia, Karen Rodriguez and Lauren Alaina all made it.

But …

Oh. My. Gordness.

Trying to figure out what was going to happen and who the judges were going to pick for a sudden-death showdown … that was the more difficult task. So difficult I didn’t even attempt it.

What to do? Why, just sit there and take it all in, of course. Well … that, and listen to JLo incomprehensibly state: “There’s no way to not get it right and there’s no way to not get it wrong.” (Can anyone out there make sense of that quote? Anyone? Anyone? No … I didn’t think so.) Whatever the hell it meant was beyond my comprehension.

So … six of the ousted were chosen to duke it out vocally:

• Ashthon Jones took the stage and tortured us. Tore. Chured. Us. Tortured us with “singing” not worthy of a nod to Vegas, let alone to the Top 24. She was shallower than a puddle on a kitchen floor.  ‘Nuff said.
• Stefano Langone brought it. Here’s someone who, if chosen, was going to make the most of the opportunity and battle his way through the best he could. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Ashthon: Were you listening?
• Kendra Chantelle took “Georgia On My Mind” to task and began it so low you need to crouch down to hear her sing it.
• Jovany Barreto put the same song in front of everyone that got him into the Top 24 to begin with.
• Naima Adedapo and her dreads and flowers and lipstick and all her very many colors sung a slow, emotive gusher.
• Robbie Rosen committed a strange, but interesting, version of Elton John’s “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”.

Was it enough for any of them? Was what they did worthy of positioning them shoulder to shoulder with the other ten contestants voted in by the fans and viewers in TVLand?

Well, we didn’t find out right away because we had to watch JLo and her (slightly auto-tuned voice and) ass shake “On The Floor” in the debut. *sigh* (Freakin’ auto-tune. Just shoot me, already.)

Returning from JLo’s thumping dance floor premiere and back in the fold, it’s finally announced … one contestant per judge. Ashthon Jones (Holy Crap! Are you freakin’ serious … ?!??!?), Naima Adedapo and Stefano Langone met the challenge and did enough, apparently, to join the others in the competition.

Good Idol episode? Yes. Action, adventure and intrigue a’plenty. (Hokay … maybe not action and adventure, but what do you want? Simon back?) Yes … it was a solid and worthy couple hours giving us the build-up and excitement we’ve been craving.

Now? Let’s let the games really begin. …

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Mar 04, 2011 @ 09:19 EST5EDT