Beaver’s Dad has got it going on

It kind of sneaks up on you, as many things do during the middle of the night.

You’re watching TV in bed, surfing channels in that zone where you’re kind of awake and kind of asleep, moving by infomercials for workout regimens and new cooking appliances and improve-your-sex-life gadgets when you stop on a familiar black and white tableau. And watch a while.

Then it dawns on you. You suddenly realize, while watching Leave It to Beaver that Ward Cleaver is a handsome son-of-a-gun.

When did this happen?

At what point did old Ward become really rather hot? And snarky, too.

At first you chalk up this rather unsettling opinion to sleep deprivation and exhaustion — after all, it was dark o’clock in the bloody morning when you tuned in. But after catching a glimpse of a Leave It to Beaver episode in the cold light of day, your new perspective was confirmed: Ward’s kind of a DILF. (DILF = Dad I’d Like to… have Fun with. Heh. PG version, anyone?)

He’s tall, dark, and charmingly dapper in that ’50s suburban dude way. And had a bit of a wise-cracking side that you never noticed before — it was very subtle, but evident in his interactions with June. Sure, he’s uptight — what man in that era wasn’t (and Maynard G. Krebs does not count) — but when he’d sport that cardigan sweater in his bookcase-lined den and light up that pipe … well. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Yes, you’re a little disturbed by this — it’s frickin’ Ward Cleaver for goodness sake. Does this mean you’re going to start finding Lou Grant a little alluring? Or Mike Brady dishy? See what Maude saw in Walter Findlay? Look at Mel Sharples with a lascivious eye? Imagine an intimate tête à tête with Oliver Wendell Douglas? Are these guys going to join Rob Petrie and Ellery Queen in your Classic TV Boyfriend entourage?

Maybe. At this point in your life, nothing would surprise you. If Ray Romano can be  looked upon as sexy in his new incarnation on Men of a Certain Age, then anything is possible.

Your well-being will only start to be worrisome if you find yourself watching Matlock for more than Ben’s courtroom wiliness. At that point, it will be intervention time.

Clacked by Jane Graves
on Feb 21, 2011 @ 15:00 EST5EDT