Quotation Marks – Love, librarians, and the Statue of Liberty

Love Glee or hate it, you’ve got to admit it is one of the most quotable shows on television today (That, and Psych). This week was no exception, and trust me when I say that the section could be three or four times longer. The folks at McKinnley High School were not the only ones providing us with great lines this week, so sit back and enjoy:

Glee (Review)

“We all know I’m not the smartest guy in the world. But there’s two lessons I learned the hard way. One, never punch a cop. The other one? You can’t choose love. Love chooses you.” – Puck

“Also, these candies you got me? They sucked.” – Lauren
“But you ate all of them.” – Puck
“I had to be sure they all sucked.” – Lauren

“[Writes “Love” on the board] Alright guys, I have one word for you … [Brittany raises her hand] Brittany?” – Mr. Schue
“Is it love? … [To Artie] Totally gonna graduate now!!” – Brittany

“I’ve kissed Finn. And can I just say? Not worth a buck. I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man boobs.” – Santana

“Five minutes ago you said Mr. Schue belongs in a twelve step program.” – Tina
“Wait, what?!?!” – Mr. Schue
“You’re addicted to vests.” – Santana

“When I was on New Directions, we performed in front of hostile crowds pretty much everywhere we went: Mattress stores, shopping malls … I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home once.” – Kurt

“You don’t want to push me.” – Lauren
“Oh, but see I sorta do. I’m from a part of town called Lima Heights Adjacent. You know where that is, Pop-n-Fresh? It’s on the wrong side of the tracks.” – Santana

“Please, I’ve had mono so many times it turned into stereo.” – Santana

Community (Review)

“Why does being a librarian make her even hotter? — Troy
“They’re keepers of knowledge. She holds the answers to all of our questions. ‘Will you marry me?’ and ‘Why are there still librarians?'” — Abed

“[Pierce] listens to you.” — Shirley
“Well, he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. Go get their dumb asses to help you.” — Jeff
“WHOA!” — All but Jeff
“OK Jeff, you are clearly in a bad space today, but Pierce is our friend and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum! Are you?!” — Troy
“Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively?” — Jeff

“You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do, too.” — Jeff
“You know what? Maybe we all need some space … to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid-’90s, you selfish, jaded ass!” – Britta

“Pierce. What was that?” — Shirley
“Gum.” — Pierce
“Why aren’t you chewing?” — Annie
“Because I’m using my mouth for this dumb conversation?” – Pierce

“What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? Is it my height? Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty?” — Jeff

White Collar (Review)

“You find anything on that receipt I gave you?” — Neal
“I have, with the use of a hair drier and Photoshop contrast.” — Mozzie
“Why do you have a hair drier?” – Neal

Smallville (Review)

“Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” — Lionel

“I watched your body fall forty stories. It was the greatest moment of my life.” — Alexander
“Well, what father doesn’t want to make his son happy?” — Lionel

“I’ve been to the future and I saw the hero that I will become save the city. But I also saw me, I mean … Clark Kent, disguised behind glasses and a bad haircut.” — Clark

30 Rock (Review)

“Steven Spielberg wants you to star in his next movie.” — Kenneth
“Kate Capshaw’s husband?!?” — Tracy

“Yes, my daughter is Canadian-American, but I’m going to treat her just like a  human baby.” — Jack, on his daughter being born in Canada

“Look, Liz, we have reasons for doing the things the way that we do them, we say half an hour to control the herds of walking mozzarella sticks who think that 300 dollars and a photo ID gives them the right to fly through the air like one of the guardian owls of legend. God, that’s been our in-flight movie for months.” — Carol, on always telling passengers that they are a half hour from take off

Vampire Diaries (Review)

“If I did, who would ‘report’ her death?” — Damon to Alaric, who tells him not to kill his reporter girlfriend

Top Chef (Review)

“Eating should be somewhat dangerous sometimes.”  – Richard about his liquid nitrogen fondue

“I’ve never done a ‘boooger’ … ‘boorger’… ‘burrger’. See, I can’t even pronounce it!” – Fabio

“Tom, what do you think about Carla’s pot pie?”  – Padma
“Too busy eating.” – Tom

American Idol (Review and Review)

“Dude, did you hit your head on the way in here?” — Steven Tyler to a contestant after a terrible audition

“You know what? You ought to be arrested for that voice …” — Steven Tyler to another contestant after yet another terrible audition

The Bachelor (Review)

“All I can do is be myself, be patient and hope that Chantal gets attacked by monkeys. Or apes.” — Michelle

“Hola.” — Michelle

“You’re scaring me. You’re scaring me badly.” — Bachelor Brad to, yes, Michelle

Being Human (Review)

“You know, you suck at being a werewolf. It’s almost offensive.” – Ray

“Why are you dressed like a douche?” — Aidan
“Because a douche gave me these clothes. No, sorry, a werewolf douche gave me these clothes.” – Josh
“[later] Why are you dressed like a douche?” — Sally

“If I had bodily fluids I’d spew all of them right now.” – Sally

“You pencil jammed him!” — Ray
“From beyond the grave! It was the Death Star of pencil jams!” – Sally

Gossip Girl (Review)

“I’ve celebrated more fashion weeks than birthdays.” — Blair

“I’ve spent the last few weeks trying every trick I know in the bedroom to get Raina to fall in love with me — business reasons, of course.” — Chuck

“Nate can’t wait to see you. Trust me, it’s like riding a very cute bike.” — Blair, trying to convince Epperly to sleep with Nate

“Think of her as an amuse bouche.” — Blair, reassuring Chuck that he can woo Epperly and still have Raina

“So help me Archibald, I will tell everyone what your favorite movie is!” – Blair
“Hey, do not knock The Sound of Music. It’s got nuns and Nazis. Julie Andrews was hot!” — Nate