Big Love – The “lying polygamists” wear a scarlet letter

Poor, poor Barb. That pretty much sums up how I’ve felt about the “Boss Lady” since Big Love viewers learned that the only reason she agreed to transform her monogamous marriage into a polygamist one was because she thought her cancer was going to kill her and leave her husband alone with their three children, and her husband Bill took full advantage of her fear of dying by pressing her into plural marriage.

However, ever since Bill decided to thrust their polygamist marriage into the media spotlight — just as Barb was beginning to seriously reassess their life — Barb’s discomfort with being labeled a “lying polygamist” by the media, and feeling as though she’s wearing a scarlet letter (“P” for polygamist) has now prompted her to question everything.

Not only is Barb hitting the bottle, but she’s decided to speak out publicly (if Bill can do it, so can she?) about the deep emotional and spiritual pain that her excommunication from her church caused her. Remember how Bill had created his Church of Bill to try to fill her spiritual void after she was excommunicated to “outer darkness” because she followed him into polygamy? That church has largely been sacrificed at the altar of Bill’s political aspirations.

Barb has decided that drinking wine is no longer a sin. She’s rediscovering the somewhat revolutionary feminist lessons (revolutionary to those in her area, anyway) that her mother taught her when Barb was growing up and is now challenging the male hierarchy of the Mormon church, daring to suggest that she could offer Margene a blessing, even though that’s a privilege only available to male “priesthood holders.”

“I am desperately trying to find my voice,” Barb said as she appealed to her mother for help, for comfort, as she was suffering under the public’s scornful, contemptuous gaze, even after Barb had pleaded with Bill not to subject her to this scrutiny. So she sought out her mother as an ally to assuage her feelings of isolation, even if that meant putting up with her mom’s criticisms of her polygamist practices, criticisms which, deep down, I think Barb shares but can’t quite admit yet.

As Barb was speaking at a symposium examining the impact of excommunication on her and her family, her husband was trying to maneuver polygamy from operating in the shadows to operating in the light, as he hopes to “normalize” the practice, though Bill continues to be in deep denial about the fact that the light can burn if it’s too intense.

Bill’s “Safety Net” meeting — where he brought together representatives of some of Utah’s polygamist sects, a representative of a Catholic charity for women and children, and some state officials — was scuttled when not only did the sect representatives begin picking fights with one another as they questioned others’ validity, but also when Nicki threw a stick of dynamite into the proceedings — which was being live-streamed on the internet — by saying that the polygamist compounds deny girls educations and treat them like chattel. Of course those who think that their polygamist compound system works just fine went bonkers, and it devolved into an ugly shouting match.

Despite the humiliation of having his own wife denounce compounds as dens of inequity, Bill was determined to press on, even after  Margene told him that she was “sinking.” He pressed on when a guest at his dining room table compared Nicki to the daughter of a mobster. He pressed on when his employees were circulating fliers promoting anti-polygamy Home Plus protests and boycotts. Bill pressed on even after learning that his state representative, with whom he’d broken bread in his home with his wives, decided to file a bill to not only make polygamy an impeachable offense, but to re-criminalize the practice as a second degree felony, making the Henricksons sitting ducks. And still Bill remains unconcerned about the immediate needs of his own family, right now, because he’s obsessed with the bigger picture.

As this episode unfolded — which was heads and shoulders better than the season premiere — I came to the conclusion that it’s the wives who prove most compelling and sympathetic, as they are the ones who pay for their husband’s actions. Barb, Margene, and Nicki get accosted in public, and are now pariahs as are their children. Barb had to cut ties with her mother and be kicked out of her church for Bill. Margene lost her career because of Bill. And yet Bill marches around and does what he thinks is best, regardless of his wives’ opinions. Now more than ever, I’m rooting for Barb to finally realize that Bill is no longer wedded to her or her needs or the needs of their family. He’s instead wedded to his self-perceived role as some kind of modern day polygamist liberator. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see, by season’s end, Barb leaving the marriage and advocating against polygamy. In fact, that’d please me greatly.

Clacked by Meredith O'Brien
on Jan 24, 2011 @ 13:00 EST5EDT