The most uncomfortable scene in the latest episode of Parenthood featured Adam and Kristina making a well-intentioned but grievous parenting mistake: Telling their daughter Haddie that she has to break up with her boyfriend Alex because he leads a more mature life than their 16-year-old does, then dictatorially cutting off all discussion on the matter.
As Adam and Kristina were hatching their plan in an attempt to protect their daughter, I found myself talking to the TV, “That’s a mistake. That won’t work.” It’d be one thing if Alex were a current alcohol or drug abuser, a criminal, dangerous or physically/emotionally abusive to Haddie. But he wasn’t doing any of those things. He was upfront and honest with Adam and Kristina.
In response to Alex’s blunt honesty about his troubled background — honesty rivaled only by Max’s humorous, cut-through-the-baloney utterings during Alex’s visit — they outright banned Haddie from seeing Alex. To impose such a blanket ban, instead of just working with her to create reasonable parameters about where the pair could and could not go (like not going to his apartment, for example), seemed extreme and is obviously going to be flouted by Haddie who feels as though she’s been wronged by irrational parents.
Will Adam and Kristina ever admit, once Haddie starts sneaking around and likely getting into trouble because she can’t be honest with them, eventually come to regret their decision? Time will tell, but we know this: Their dictate is just going to turn Haddie, who already lied about attending an AA meeting with Alex (she said she was going to a friend’s house), into a liar. They were trying to do the right thing, but by refusing to work with Haddie, I think their efforts are doomed to fail and, ultimately, raise larger questions about how much control parents actually have over their teens’ behavior and whether parents can ever trust that the teens are telling the truth.
Several parents were struggling with control and truth throughout this episode, like Crosby who was forced to stop lying and making excuses for Jabbar’s failure to clean up his room and had to come face-to-face with an ugly aspect parenting. Whenever you insist that a child should act responsibly, that kid’s going to revel and likely scream all manner of inanities at the parent. (Or, in Haddie’s case, sneak around.) Being on the receiving end of the vitriol from a child is what happens when you act like a parent, not a pal. I was heartened to see Jasmine finally force “good guy” Crosby to man up and parent Jabbar. (It was a nice contrast to his man-child fears about marrying Jasmine.) The look on Crosby’s face when Jabbar started hurling his toys around and yelled that he didn’t like him after Crosby told him they wouldn’t be going to the zoo because Jabbar hadn’t cleaned up his room … priceless.
Meanwhile, the struggle between Joel and Julia over what to tell their daughter about death and heaven after a bird crashed into their kitchen window and died, turned into a clash between what the “truth” about death is. Julia believed in heaven and wanted to tell Sydney that that’s where the bird went. Joel, however, called the concept of heaven a “lie.” This set the stage for a debate on religious beliefs, which, disappointingly, never happened. It seemed as though they were shrinking away from the topic as though it was radioactive material. It also made me wonder how it’s possible that Julia and Joel have been married for so long, have a young daughter and have never before discussed faith or religion or what they’d tell their daughter. I was surprised that they skirted this issue and didn’t deal with it head-on, given that Julia has always aggressively promoted her own point of view on things.
Sarah’s angst over the fact that her ex-husband is an alcohol and drug addict was handled even more awkwardly. While watching her flounder in the car with Amber and Drew, telling them to generally be careful about drinking because their dad had problems with it and addiction can be heredity, I thought of Julia and Joel who were avoiding having an honest discussion with Sydney about their difference in beliefs. Learning that Sarah had, in the past, soft-peddled to the kids the impact her ex’s addiction had on his life, was interesting, but her response to the issue overall seemed fairly weak. If she is really afraid that her children could be susceptible to addiction, shouldn’t she have a real sit-down discussion and open up an honest dialog with them as opposed to bringing such a serious and important issue up during the ride to school? Maybe that’s to come in future episodes.
But as for Zeek giving Drew a hard time about telling Sarah about the beer, Zeek’s behavior was way over the line, particularly in light of Sarah’s intense feelings about the subject of alcohol abuse. (Anyone else see irony in the fact that after Sarah’s stilted discussion with her kids that she proceeded to get drunk with her sister that night?) Where was the grandmother during all of this, busy at some art class?
What’d you think of “Damage Control?”
Clacked by Meredith O'Brien 
on Jan 05, 2011 @ 14:00 EST5EDT
