Michael: I can’t not blow about this Quizno’s drek.
Who in their right mind puts this schlock out there? Did someone lose a bet? Hold an executive hostage? Is it guerrilla marketing? A bad pun? One of those ‘Eye Can’t Haves Cheese With My Burgerz’ Katz video things? An attempt by someone to cause us irreparable damage while we’re viewing our television programs? What?! What is it … ?!? I can’t take it anymore.
Tara: One thing I know for sure. The first thing that was cut in this economy by every company was advertising dollars. Of course, that meant many ad firms laid tons of people off. (All part of the damn trickle down effect.) Obviously, this particular firm kept on some “creatives” that they shouldn’t have.
Michael: “Creatives” … ?!? This crap’s creative? No, it’s not. It’s crap.
Deep down, I know someone out there thinks this is cute and cuddly and oh, so vewy, vewy snuggewy shugah schweet … but it’s killing me. It’s reverse marketing as far as I’m concerned.
I have never been in a Quizno’s establishment. And let me tell you: After seeing this piece of fodder during commercial breaks over the course of the last few weeks, I don’t ever want to set foot in one! Ever! Ever!
Even worse, half the halting blather the ‘singimals’ are singing isn’t even intelligible … !!! Why, oh why, oh why … ?!?
Tara: I actually have been to Quizno’s and it’s yucky. They talk a good game, what with all the natural ingredients and stuff. But everything tastes the same to me. There’s this ONE spice in everything. Is it rosemary? I believe so, because I despise rosemary. But, no matter what you order, it’s infused in the bread or something. Also! There’s nothing worse than bad singing animal cartoons. At this time of year, I offer The Chipmunks as an example.
Michael: But wait: There’s more!
And this one’s really hitting close to the bone because I enjoy Burger King’s burgers on occasion. But again, the commercial is griping my cookies! Everything about this is akin to leaning on a belt sander in motion. Uselessly I cry: Why … ?!? Did a pack of raving monkeys devise this piece? A kid on a sugar high? Aliens?
And here’s the kicker: I can’t get these tunes out of my head! Somebody pass me some brain bleach! Or a screwdriver to stick in my ear! I’m talkin’ desperate, here! I want jackhammers … a dentist’s drill … Mariah Carey for Pete’s sake … anything to drown out the noise of these marketing horrors!
Tara: Yeesh. It’s like the Pied Piper — follow me off a cliff to Cholesterolville with a final stop at Heart Attack City. C’mon! Everyone’s doing it! It’s not bad for you if there’s a catchy little ditty involved. Oh! And don’t get me started on Miss Torso sprinkling the lawn with the hose whilst sipping from a straw. (We all know about subliminal messages, but puh-leeze.)
And! I notice you’re very shy today Michael. You need to tell me how you really feel.
Michael: I know Ed Zachery what it means: It means she’s so ditzy she doesn’t know the difference between night and day … because she’s sipping an iced coffee for breakfast! What’s subliminal about that … ???
Tara: Oh, innocence. Is thy name MIKE?
Michael: *fumes*
Tara: Not very Christmas-y.
Michael: No. It’s not. And neither are freakin’ yodeling off-key cats and morons jumping through plate glass to get breakfast. Just call me ‘Scrooge’.
Tara: My business here is your reclamation then. Walk with me.
Michael: I write with you. Isn’t that enough? But, you know … you look better in black and white, I just realized! I just wish those commercials above would fade to black.
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Dec 10, 2010 @ 14:00 EST5EDT
You two are cracking me up…LOL
I had never seen those before but I can see how they would get rather annoying.
No 1. reason why Me LOVES the remote……………> Top commercial…Hello, my name is Peggy!
There’s an idea for us Mikki!
Even my son doesn’t find amusement in those Quiznos commercials. I dated a guy who owns 2 of them. Perhaps I’ll ask for his true feelings on the ads (might be hard since his true feelings for me were never clear … I digress). Bring back the “Clapper” Seal-handed old lady and Ron Popeil!!
Heh, the very first guy in the BK commercial has exactly the same radio alarm clock as me.
As for the commercials themselves, the BK one grates after a bit with the music, but it’s entertaining enough the first time you see it. The Quiznos one on the other hand is just horrible. A reasonably talented 4 year old could have produced something that looked and sounded better than that. Sometimes I think the point of Quiznos commercials are their stupidity. (They were the ones that put out an ad which basically implied their sandwiches were male genitalia, right?)
Quiznos marketing team I think consists of Dane Cook and a dozen ten year olds suffering from ADD. The 5-4-3 is just another in a long line of annoying, strange, or just plain creepy ads (Remember “Put it in me Scott?”) that they have put out that have turned me off from eating there anymore.
The Burger King ads aren’t that bad, but I haven’t really been overloaded by seeing them too many times for them to be able to get on my nerves. Thank you DVR.