Last week, my new best pal Vernon Kay promised me something at the end of Skating With The Stars: “Next week, the coolest show on the air … heats up!” Tuning into the episode, I was champing at the bit to see if Vern would keep his promise.
But it didn’t work out that way.
The synopsis of the show was basically this: Two hospital runs … stitches and a few battle scars … lots of rehearsal flubs and falls … and Vince Neil skating in pants that looked like he dropped a load in. Surprise: Jonny Moseley and Rebecca Budig are still the best skaters out there. Look for Rebecca to walk away with the whole shebang. Surprise: Bethenny Frankel and Vince Neil just aren’t cutting it. Bethenny’s trying, but she’s too, too stiff and robotic. And Vince, well … Vince needs more weeks than the show runs to come up with any sort of serious competition. (Still, I give it to the guy for sticking it out and smiling all the way through, giving his competitors praise left and right.)
Brandon Mychal Smith? He’s too ill to come out and play and stays off the ice tonight. (The judges end up critiquing his performance on the final rehearsal footage.)
I have to say: The wind has been knocked from the sails of Skating With The Stars right quickly. It took a mere three weeks for the show to get old with nothing new to add, little if any drama to shake things up, and zero motivation to spur one forward to see who wins. Everything is boringly, almost painfully, routine.
There’s only so many quotations you can ooze out week after week without something being added to the ice to spice things up. Sure, I can comment on how Johnny Weir‘s ruffled shirt is a nice color compliment to his lipstick, but that gets old after awhile.
And in case you’re wondering, yes … Vince Neil got voted off the show. Not even judge Dick Button’s rousing “It’s not far from heavy metal to gold medal! Go for it!” rah-rah speech to him was convincing enough to make us think he would stick around for one more week.
So … Vern? I just don’t know if I can get up the gumption to come back next Monday to witness another hour plus of mediocrity. Yeah, for whatever reason I like the cut of your jib, but I just don’t think I can muster the strength to wait for one of your four second vocal gems whenever it might raise its head. We’ll see … but I just don’t know.
In the meantime, thanks for the chuckle you left me with talking to Johnny Weir about Brandon’s illness:
“I just want to mention, Johnny: Puke does not look good on the ice.”
Maybe not, but it sure would have spiced some stuff up … know what I mean, Vern?
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Dec 07, 2010 @ 12:00 EST5EDT
You expected….WHAT?
Them there sentences be endin’ in way too many prepositions. Just say in. <—did that to end it in a preposition.
I did like the "dropped a load in" comment; was that the front, or back?
I’m only watching to see people fall. Sean Young’s falls last week were epic! But be of good cheer though – next week is only an hour!
I spent two weeks in London about 4-5 years ago, saw the British version, was impressed, and wished the US would do one, but, I figured execs wouldn’t risk celeb injury. Now that two US variations have come and gone, I couldn’t care less. I didn’t watch Fox and probably won’t watch ABC. There was something insane and awesome about the UK version, so I wonder why I don’t feel similarly enticed by the US reboots -
ROFL Look out below! Next season, Hockey with the Stars! I can just see Vince given a 3 minute penalty for high sticking Florence Henderson!
Bronsont has the right idea! I have tried to watch each week but it just puts me to sleep. I may even have to delete the timer on my DVR; don’t want to waste the space if I’m not going to watch!
I like it. I think it’s hilarious. I just wish I “knew” who these “celebs” are. I’m beginning to think I have a cruel streak. And when Vern said your bold quote above … c’mon! He’s a riot! Doesn’t anyone appreciate campy stuff anymore??