“Passengers said the Carnival cruise line smelled like poop, but that that was an improvement.” – TV reporter
“Best of all, Shake Weight tells you when your workout is finished, by chiming and releasing a cool-down spray.” – Shake Weight commercial
“I don’t know what to do, Sheila. It’s like he’s a different person. Last night I walked in on him in the bathroom … he was sitting on the toilet flambéing a pork chop.” – Sharon
“Your workout is finished. Here is some cab fare. Now going into sleep mode.” – Shake Weight
“You guys have no idea how much it sucks. My dad’s obsessed! Every day it’s Bobby Flay this, Gordon Ramsay that. This morning he was pretending to read Playboy, but he actually had a Bon Appetite magazine hidden inside it.” – Stan
“Right. Simple. Rustic, yeah. Wake up! Jesus! Fuck me! You’re not a fucking chef! Hi. Right. Good. Yeah. Making nice. Simple. Beef wellington. You’re fucking. Taking a piss, yeah? Fuck me! You can’t cook!” – Cartman’s Gordon Ramsay impersonation
“And our celebrity sous chefs: Mario Batali, Paula Deen and Giada De Laurentiis with her perky tats and gigantic head.” – Alton Brown
“What’s the big deal? She wanted to work out. You never want to work out. I just needed help going to sleep … mode. What? What? Come on. What? You are amazing and irreplaceable. What? How about a quick workout? What?” – Shake Weight
“It’s the Hell’s Kitchen Nightmares Iron Top Chef Cafeteria Throwdown Ultimate Cookoff Challenge!” – Alton Brown
“You don’t understand, Sharon. I’ve got Gordon Ramsay up my ass, Bobby Flay about to kick my ass and the whole world’s going to be watching. I can’t sleep! I haven’t slept for days!” – Randy
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Nov 17, 2010 @ 22:43 EST5EDT
