As I’ve watched Parenthood address the subject of raising a child with Asperger’s, via Kristina and Adam Braverman as they raise their son Max, I’ve marveled at how much patience, love and energy it takes for them to do the very best they can for their son while trying not to short-change their other kid, the one who doesn’t have Asperger’s.
And while I can empathize with the pain and fear Kristina felt in her gut upon learning that her son was one of a handful of kids from his class who was not invited to a fellow student’s birthday party, the way in which Kristina responded to that news struck me as obnoxious.
Yes, it was exceedingly helpful for Kristina to learn from the birthday girl’s mother the reason why, even though the girl and Max seem to get along well in school, Max’s presence wasn’t welcomed at the party. Kristina needed to know that Max is routinely a poor sport and torments his peers by insisting that they continue to play a game until he wins. This knowledge allowed Kristina to ask Max’s aide to work on the problem with him. Having Emily, the birthday girl, over to the Bravermans’ house so that the aide could help Max work through his difficulties was also a great idea. I loved the scene featuring the two mothers bonding over wine and sushi.
It was Kristina’s insistence that Max receive an invitation to the party that I found objectionable. Although she did acknowledge that she was very much pushing herself on the other mother, Kristina justified her behavior by saying she’d do anything for her kid. Her refusal to let the party issue go — stalked Emily in school, repeatedly bugged the girl’s mother — seemed extremely selfish, even though she was doing it “for Max,” who didn’t seem all that shattered that he wasn’t invited. Things clearly reached a low point when Kristina and Emily’s mother were quoting lines from the school handbook back and forth to one another in the school hallway trying to justify their positions.
From where I stood, Kristina was flat-out wrong. Learning why Max had alienated Emily was a good thing, but demanding a party invitation, as though one was owed to Max, was not.
However when it came to Sarah pushing a reticent Amber into speaking with an influential college alum who could potentially help Amber get accepted — reminding me of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore for the first time in weeks — that, to me, didn’t seem like helicopter parenting. It seemed like good parenting, pressing a reluctant child into doing something that will indeed help her and isn’t all about the parent’s ego.
The most effective move Sarah made was to ask Adam to speak with Amber and tell her that life is full of failure and that she shouldn’t allow fear of failure to stop her from taking chances. Recognizing when you’re not necessarily the right person to deliver a message to your child, and having a trusted adult do it in your stead, is a smart parenting move, even from Sarah, who last week was out having drunken sex with her boss in the back of a limo and tried to sneak back into the house the next morning without being noticed.
My favorite moment of the episode: When Camille recognized the blush of youthful, hopeful love in the face of her granddaughter Haddie, and allowed herself to bask in its sweetness. It was nice to see Camille being given something to do other than serve as a background decoration.
Clacked by Meredith O'Brien 
on Nov 17, 2010 @ 14:00 EST5EDT
