Oh Gordon. Hold me. I mean, let me hold you! This is the absolute worst group of contestants on Hell’s Kitchen so far. That I can remember. There’s clowns to the left of you, jokers to the right. Looks like you’re stuck in the middle with um … me! How lovely! Cop a squat. Nooo. Closer. See? That’s nice, isn’t it?
Let me tell you what I’m thinking here.
Remember that these contestants are vying for the right to earn 250K a year and be the head chef of a multi-million dollar restaurant. I’m not sure the majority of them really have their eyes on this prize yet. I mean, truly Gordon. Have you heard some of the things they say? (And here I must admit I’m paraphrasing Gordondarling, because some person’s husband was taking phone calls and walking hither and yon around the television. So these are not exact words Gordondear. But fairly bloody close, alright?)
Rob: (on losing the task and having to decorate the restaurant) Who needs this nonsense? … I’m doing this for my f’ing career, so back off!
Gail: I’m not really much of a screamer, but all the girls were screaming, so I was like, I’ll scream too.
Emily: I think our team is the most boobilicious ever in Hell’s Kitchen.
Russell: I’m gonna yell WTF I want. I’m not gonna take it anymore.
Sabrina: These bitches can’t do anything! … Guess what bitches? It just blew up in your f@#king faces!
Jillian: Emily sucks!
Sabrina: Melissa, you suck!
Gail: Punishment sucks!
Sabrina: Look, douchebag. Just leave me alone!
Trev: F@#K Rob. Fatty’s goin’ down tonight!
Vinny: If I pull this off, it’ll be the sexiest thing since my hair in the morning.
What Gordon? I can’t believe you just said “Shut it” to me! But I understand. You’ve had ENOUGH, as you’d say. It’s pretty painful to be around these idiots, when you’re trying to find a serious chef. Don’t they realize the importance of the position being offered? As you said so beautifully tonight, “This is a competition. Not a kindergarten.”
Good show booting Emily and Melissa tonight. I certainly have no problem with that. Melissa precooked a million fillets. What’s that about? Everyone knows you hate precooking! And then you gave her another chance and she goes and ruins pounds and pounds of scallops. And Emily! Yes, she had breasts, as she kept pointing out (not pun intended.) But you were right. She had no heart or passion for cooking. Sigh. What was the choice love? Here. Have another glass of champagne.
Shhh. Don’t speak. I have some good news. Gail and Russell. There’s your final two. And maybe Rob, if he gets rid of his attitude. It’s way too early to have attitude.
So have I made you feel better Gordon? Good. That’s what I’m here for. And by the way. Would you ever dream of asking me where your checkbook is when I’m trying to write a column?
I thought not.
Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Oct 07, 2010 @ 09:35 EST5EDT
what happened to Jean Phillipe?
. . . . .
Jean-Philippe is back at Petrus in the UK where he formerly ran the dining room.
At the request of Tara’s Gordon, he opted to bow out of Season 8 to relaunch that restaurant …
The new guy James is just not as fun, is he?
I rolled and rolled in the floor last night, I don’t see any of these clowns (yes Michael CLOWNS in the worst sense of the word) could run a diner service at the local Waffle House!
I’m starting to think the winner should be the one to take a meat cleaver to their right hand, a one handed chef would at least be a novelty, and good TV :-)
*POST AUTHOR*
That WOULD be great for ratings. You should be an exec. at Fox, Bronsont!