Quotation Marks – What do Ron Jeremy and Val Kilmer have in common?

It may not be the appropriate place — then again, when listing the best quotes of the week, why not talk about shows that have been falling short? — but I’d like to take this opportunity to air some concerns I have for TNT and USA Network.

I can forgive mediocre products like HawthoRNe and Rizzoli & Isles from the networks that have brought us smash hits like Dark Blue, Men of a Certain Age, The Closer (so I’m told), White Collar, Psych, and Royal Pains. But how depressing do both networks’ futures seem with once-soaring-yet-recent-crash-and-burning Leverage, Burn Notice, and In Plain Sight, not to mention flops like Memphis Beat, and Covert Affairs? I hope they haven’t run out of secret sauce.

By the way, the answer to my title question? Both men were mentioned on this week’s episode of Psych. Go figure.

Blood Ties virgin diary

“I’m not Ghostbusters.” – Vicki

“Son of a bitch … and I mean that literally.” – Vicki, when they found out the ghost’s mother was the murderer

“I’m going to try to remember this is coming out of your concern for me, not some sort of caveman complex.” – Vicki
“Why can’t it be both?” – Mike

“It’s an investigation, not a picnic.” – Vicki to Henry when she asks him to talk to the women about the gardener’s alibi and not to suck their blood

“My father killed the Scottish King. Yes, I golf.” – Henry

Burn Notice

“This was my idea. I should have gotten to hit him!” – Fiona to Jesse

“Do you know where this bar is?” – Michael
“Um, yeah. It’s a bar.” – Sam

“Were you burned?” – Sam
“No, but I’m a little toasty.” – Paul

“Have fun with the ghost of Christmas future.” – Sam to Michael, who is stuck with Paul, the “old-timer” spy

“That’s me — the corner apartment.” – Paul
“Could you have picked an easier place for hostiles to stake out?” – Michael
“Yeah, like an apartment over a night club.” – Paul

Covert Affairs

“Nothing of interest in the kitchen, by the way.” – James Elliott, after shooting Annie’s attacker

House virgin diary

“No, you’re missing the biggest clue. What if we’re looking at the flu … and decent parenting.” – Thirteen
“He’s saying that statistics are true, too. The world is a bell curve: most of us fall within the standard deviation but there are outliers and if we believe in the existence of extreme jerkiness, which I suspect that we do… [pauses and glances at House], then we also have to accept the existence of the opposite extreme.” – Kutner

“Why is House driving a limo?” – Cuddy
“Don’t know.” – Foreman
“Don’t have to know.” – Cameron
“Don’t … care?” – Chase

“I want a water bed. I’ve always wanted one; I know it’s ridiculous, it’s just, there’s something nice about the thought of being rocked to sleep in water. No mocking? No Freudian analysis of how the waterbed is really a great big vagina I want to crawl into?” – Wilson
“I’m ignoring you because you make me sad.” – House

Leverage

“How’s it going, Parker?” – Nate
“I don’t think I’m being weird enough.”- Parker
“Somehow I doubt that.” – Nate

The Practice virgin diary

“Did you lose the ability to sleep? Cause you look like crap. For you, I mean. You’re still better looking than me.” – Jimmy to Bobby

Psych

“Nothing shuts my pie-hole but pie.” – Shawn, to Lassie

“Who ever said work was supposed to be fun?” – Juliet
“Ron Jeremy, for starters.” – Shawn

True Blood

“I’m hungry, and they brought me this. And I can’t eat day lilies.” – Tara

“We need to talk.” – Tara
“Don’t say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.” – Franklin

White Collar

“Just note that I’m assisting under extreme duress.” – Mozzie, when Peter asks him to help bring down Jennings

“All of your quotes are getting on my nerves — Peter Burke.” – Peter to Mozzie