The American Idol is Lee DeWyze

500 million votes later, it comes down to sometimes-raspy voiced paint employee Lee DeWyze winning American Idol.

No wonder the second to last show before the finale was such a suck-fest. The Powers That Be saved all the fun and frolickry for the end. Good for them. It shows they’re still learning what makes good television drama. I still have have hope yet for them.

But there were some technical miscues and missteps throughout the evening. Here are some observations made throughout the telecast:

– Crystal looked terrific in her naughty schoolgirl outfit during the Idol’s “School’s Out” performance. It was nice seeing Alice Cooper take the stage, however briefly.

– I don’t know, but something about Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly crooning “How Deep Is Your Love” was unsettling.  I have shivers running up and down my spine from that intro. And nothing says “finale” like a painted on red skirt and hooker shoes. Outstanding togs, Siobhan! (Obscure Side Note: A bit of a trim … and Barry Gibb looks just like my father-in-law.)

– There’s a reason Big Mike Lynche didn’t get farther than he did on Idol this season. If there was any doubt about that, his “Taking It To The Streets” solo (soon joined by Michael McDonald) removed any lingering questions.

– One of the biggest gaffs of the evening was the Dane Cook segment. Who’s brilliant idea was that? Intended as a roast of Simon Cowell, it failed miserably. I profess, I know naught about Mr. Cook … but that entire frakas was crap. Crap, I say. Someone … please … explain the logic of this to me.

– Wow. Christina Aquilera got an entire 15 seconds of performance under her belt. But then the lights came back up and there she was, all over again. And much better, I might add. I don’t know what the song was, but I was a mite mesmerized by it. The outfit she wore did its best to distract me … but I would have none of it. Not one butt … er … “bit”. Bit! That’s what I meant to say … !!! Bit!

– Lee DeWyze does Hall and Oates! YowZah! “I Can’t Go For That” and “Maneater.” Spiffy! But that wasn’t the most interesting thing about the segment: Did Big Mike get freakin’ bigger between the time he performed with Michael McDonald and the Hall and Oates medley with the other Idol guys?!? Cripes! And did Darryl Hall sport a lisp all through his performance?!? Maybe he forgot to put his teeth in. And Mr. Oates? Could you have at least dressed for the occasion, because it looked as if you were ready to head out on a fishing expedition. Geez, dude …

– Crystal and Alanis Morissette dueting on “Ironic.” Good stuff, Maynard. Alanis, the consummate performer, gave up the stage by backing off, giving Crystal all the kudos for the act. Nice touch.

– That “My Wish” tune on the Ford commercial? That’s a pretty spiffy song! I like it. I haven’t enjoyed an Idol commercial song since they committed that World Party spot a few weeks ago. I’m off to download it later.

– Casey James and his gee-tar came out for “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” So … any doubt who’s coming out to join him? You got it, Bobo: Brett Michaels, recent Celebrity Apprentice winner and recovering dude in bandanna. Again, good stuff. I happen to know some of you out there had your hankies at the ready when Brett came out.

– Lee DeWyze and Chicago: They might want to consider Lee as the new frontman for the band. I mean … even though Lee wasn’t all that terrific doing his thing with them, he was head and shoulders above the rest of the band. Even the horns sounded like they were melting.

– Oh, look! It’s another Idol stumble and fall segment! Did we really need General Larry Platt and William Hung doing “Pants On The Ground”? No. No … we did not. It wasn’t even comical.

– Yep. There’s our Ryan “Seacrust” again, with both hands strangling the microphone. Once you’ve got it firmly set in your mind he’s going to do this, you can’t help but notice it.

– Yay! Paula Abdul’s back! *swoon* I so missed “Pauler”. And, almost immediately, her return lost its feel good vibe when she committed her ghastly dripping Simon schmooze. But still … you gotta love her.

– Kellie Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks, Taylor Hicks, Kris Allen — we get all the Idol winners from the seasons past on the stage together for a looksee (less David Cook who had other commitments, unfortunately). And it was terrific for this fan to hear Taylor back in fine form … if only for a few moments.

– Look! it’s Janet Jackson! Modeling the latest in dark Lilith Faire couture! And even less hair! She sounded very King Of Pop during her showing, didn’t she? Regardless, it was an interesting song. And she looked and sounded great.

– Joe Cocker. “With A Little Help From My Friends.” Nice, nice, nice to see him mixing it up with the others, age notwithstanding.

And then … the announcement. Holy Moly … Lee actually looked as if he was going to collapse prior to the announcement. He was all worked up. But, after recovering from the shock of winning, he pulled it together enough to croon his closing song. (Video below) Very emotional moment for the guy and for the audience. How could you not be touched?

So what have we learned from this season of American Idol? Well … several things:

• Never underestimate what goes on over the course of an Idol season. Because you just never know. Curve balls will be thrown your way. All along, Crystal Bowersox was the front-runner … and she came up short in the end.
• Yes … it was a craptastic season of Idol. But even so, it wasn’t lacking in the drama department. And that drama was goodly. Harry Connick, Jr. Michael Lynche’s judge’s save. Crystal almost walking out on the competition. Lee’s “Hallelujah” performance.
• Much as I would have liked to have seen Crystal win, it appears my season’s-long stance still stands firm: Chicks with tattoos don’t win American Idol.

A hearty congratulations to Lee DeWyze. You deserve it. Simon Cowell: You will be missed.  Crystal? You have a terrific career ahead of you.

And American Idol will go on. And we — the audience and fans — will be right there to see what happens next….

Clacked by Michael Noble
on May 27, 2010 @ 13:03 EST5EDT