American Idol – Where was the inspiration?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the American Idol television viewing audience: Please allow us to introduce you to the mentor for the evening, Alicia Keys.

And audience?  Do us all a favor and try to stay awake. (The enthusiasm exuding from Ms. Keys was so incredibly overwhelming, I could barely keep my spine from slouching.)

(Pssssssssssst Idol Powers That Be:  Seriously — if a guest mentor is in need of a Monster or a 5 Hour Energy or a Red Bull, have one handy, ‘kay? Even if they don’t ask for it.)

Inspirational tunes were the order of the evening. But there wasn’t much to get inspirationally jiggy, let me tell you. Work with me here, guys — there were only two contestants worth their salt tonight:

• Casey James, “Don’t Stop” —  Oh, please, do. Do stop, Casey. Because that opening song was just blurgh. Same old same old same old same old. Get it? Got it? Good.
• Lee DeWyze, “The Boxer” — What a perfect song for Lee to have tackled. But that’s the wrong word. The dude didn’t tackle it; he took it and molded it and crafted it to his very own. That was sung kinda chunky, with the Lee DeWyze heft and hunk. As soon as I heard the first few seconds, I “wowed” myself. I was actually taken by Lee’s take on the tune. (See spiffy video below.)
• Tim Urban, “Better Days” — Holy crap. I about fell asleep during the first few syllables, Tim. Wake the frak up, dude. Inject some life in the tune. Idol PTB? That 5 hour energy I know you have on ice … over here! Quick! Tim: Emote for Pete’s sake! Kick yourself! Do something … anything … anything resembling a performance for this song. Randy said it was just “okay.” He was being kind. It wasn’t even that.
• Aaron Kelly, “I Believe I Can Fly” —  You know the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you rub your bare butt on shag carpet? Feels good doesn’t it? And then, soon thereafter, you realize you’ve rubbed so much, you’ve rug-burned your tuckus? (What?!? No one does this but me…?!?) Yep. That’s the perfect summation of this song. It seemed to have felt good, but it resulted in hurt at the very end. Simply rug burny. And Simon? Thank you … thank you for justifying what I thought I heard in you stating “…. if I heard that on the radio, I would have turned it off in ten seconds.” Not anywhere near as colorful as “rug-burny”, but … well … you know …..
• Siobhan Magnus, “When You Believe” —  Y’know … there are times with Siobhan takes you by the hand and drags you up on stage with her and makes you understand what she’s doing … and then there’s Siobhan on sleepy pills. The Siobhan during this evening’s telecast was the latter. Nigh-night, Siobhan … nigh-night.
• Michael Lynche, “Hero” — Man the nose spray … !!! It was nasally goodness coming from Big Mike tonight. It did not work. Dare I say: It was wafty. Complete with a big thunk at the end.
• Crystal Bowersox, “People Get Ready” — MommaSox.  Without instrumentation. Can her voice alone carry her through a performance? Would her dreads get in the way? Would she call in the reserves (or her new-found friends, “The High Heels”) to assist in her effort? No. No, she wouldn’t. She did okay all on her own. And: It was the only inspirational performance of the evening … more strikingly so in that it was supposed to be an evening of inspirational songs. (See Crystal make her mark in the video below.)

So … the culmination of Inspirational Week and Idol Gives Back will result in someone other than Lee and Crystal being ousted. Goes without saying. Like Aaron or Timbo.

A completely boring, dull, ho-hum, slow, tedious and uninteresting Idol episode. There was no need for a nightcap before bed this evening, folks. It just wasn’t necessary.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Apr 21, 2010 @ 08:46 EST5EDT