The Celebrity Apprentice – Get back to mining your expired 15 minutes for gold

Another rocky task on The Celebrity Apprentice last night left me a little nonplussed about the point of this game. I’ve certainly argued before that the “celebrities” can’t very well call on their friends and peers week after week for the entire run of the season, but the fun has always been in these people trying to sell their “celebrity” to the man and woman on the street — “buy this cup of lemonade for $1,000 because I sold it to you.” That’s really where the strength of that aspect of the series lies, and where the bloated heads really come out to play.

A four-page advertorial for LifeLock and Norton? Not so much. And I actually wondered last year who’d want to steal the identity of a Celebrity Apprentice; this year I wasn’t even 100% clear on what the product was. But no matter … the task was dull.

As was the matchup of former Olympians Michael Johnson and Summer Sanders, in the pitting of track and field versus swimming. I’m actually rather impressed with Michael as a businessman, which makes him not so exciting to watch in this setting. And the drama for the women was with Cyndi Lauper, which meant that Summer was only kind of blah. At least until the boardroom.

So it was really the little moments that made the episode fun to watch. I puzzle over where the “Bret being a problem” thing came from. It was certainly somewhat evident last week, but last night it completely overshadowed his contributions. Is it that he’s only value-add as a project manager? Or on no sleep? Because I can definitely see that he’s a distraction … I just can’t figure out how that suddenly came to be. We saw a different Bret in week one.

I love how the women handle Cyndi, Summer calling her “extraordinary and unique” in attempting to shuffle her out of the way. I’m not sure what about her Maria Kanellis is so obsessed with, though. She has become Cyndi’s biggest fan, and I see Cyndi bungling her way into the Mama Rivers category from last season, with her loyal tribe pitted against the rest. That will suck if it comes to pass.

I wouldn’t have gone with Sharon or Curtis Stone as my brand ambassador, although as I admitted above, I’m not completely clear on what the product was. But the idea of Sharon Osbourne “watching over” me would make me think of needing security before thinking that I was secure. And Curtis is just a non-entity as far as selling his “celebrity” is concerned. At least for me. I did love The Govna’s computer skills, though. Wow.

The Celebrity Apprentice has two methods of laying the groundwork for “reveals.” Either the show subtly provides us with “I guess in retrospect” moments, or it stacks the deck in favor of an alternate conclusion. As far as the latter method is concerned, that’s exactly the feeling I got when the women were announced as the winners of the task. There was absolutely no foundation for the victory — the women’s advertorial was deemed lacking in data, and missed the point of the task, even if it was more eye-catching. And their presentation was a disaster. So, victory women?

The former was the whole Darryl Strawberry situation. As soon as he started rhapsodizing about how celebrities and athletes can’t handle long days, it was obvious that he was ready to go home. It was stupid, and I think he made a mistake, but in the end it was Donald Trump who got lucky on that one. There’s no one else he would have wanted to fire in that group. In fact, unless someone really screws the pooch next week on a losing men’s team, I can’t imagine who he’d decide to send home. There’s just too much interesting narrative to the remaining men.

And the Summer/Cyndi thing proves that there’s little-to-none to the women. Summer was so ridiculously political in the way she described the Cyndi “problem.” And then because Cyndi’s feelings were hurt she immediately sought her out, tears streaming down her face, to apologize? Are you kidding me? This is what Cyndi was saved for in week one? No thanks.

The men’s boardroom was a total character reversal for some. Bret didn’t want to speak his mind. The Govna finally found a spine and took a firm position when advocating for himself. It all seemed a little too choreographed to let Darryl walk out the door. Which he certainly has the right to do, as surprising a decision as it was. But other than Michael making it clear that he didn’t want to stay that way, it was just a whole lot of “Methinks thou dost protest too much.”

“Cyndi makes me laugh. She’s fabulously insane.” – Sharon on Cyndi

“I’m not a creepy guy.” – Bret, in a talking head

“You can call me whatever you want.” – Trump to Darryl, showing a little respect for others’ accomplishments

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Mar 29, 2010 @ 11:00 EST5EDT