Quotation Marks – Is crime scene faking a required course in Colombia?

There’s no time like a week full of juicy quotes to fully appreciate just which moments make you laugh the hardest. Whenever I need something light and enjoyable to watch, obviously I put on a sitcom. But the best laughs always seem to come when they’re least expected, don’t they? Like in the middle of a highly tense trial, or a deathly serious medical emergency. They may be few and far between, but when they do hit….

30 Rock

“It was a disaster. We were so awkward that the waitress gave us separate checks without asking, and a priest came over and asked us who we lost.” – Liz, on her first date with Wesley

“Are you going to Mr. Jordan’s show again? I’m sure he’d appreciate your support.” – Kenneth
“Oh, I don’t think so. If I wanted to see a black man make a fool of himself, I’d sleep with KFed again.” – Jenna

The Colbert Report

“If you are anywhere between 21 and 53 … you will watch this series and feel like a big fat pussy.” – Tom Hanks, on his upcoming HBO miniseries, The Pacific

Community

“Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.” – Jeff to Annie

(After Jeff breaks up with his girlfriend) “Oh no, that’s so sad. I’ll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on, you boys go put a dead bird in that bitch’s glove compartment.” – Shirley

“I hope they’re not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what the other one is–” – Abed
“Thinking.” – Troy
“Yeah. And they’re always finishing each others–” – Abed
“Pie.” – Troy
“It’s creepy.” – Abed

“Looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank at the escort service this time.” – Chang
“Hey duck sauce, that was rude. The call girls I frequent are not nearly as attractive as my daughter.” – Pierce

Greek

“I always thought that Al Gore was rather hunky.” – Katherine, on her “bad boy” fetish

“I am prepared to dance for you.” – Katherine to Rusty, before they were going to have sex

“… And if he doesn’t find his way back to Cyprus tonight, well then res ipsa loquitur….” – Casey, on Pete
“Ooh; is that Harry Potter talk?” – Ashleigh
“It’s lawyer talk, for ‘the thing speaks for itself’.” – Casey
“Fancy!” – Ashleigh

House

“Giving him a computer is like giving plutonium to Dr. No.” – Wilson about House, when he finds the doctored movie posters

(House makes his classic diagnosis face) “You’d better not be faking this to get out of a tough conversation.” – Wilson

How I Met Your Mother

“Where’s the D-bag taking you? Aw, that’s not a good nickname for Don. I’ll think of another one.” – Marshall to Robin

The Middle

“So catch me up; these zombies … why are they seeking revenge?” – Brick to Sue, before beginning their zombie movie

Modern Family

“Women on the Internet in their thirties are like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.” – Claire

(To a beeping car) “Go around! We’re re-creating a faux pas!” – Cam

“I’m Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one.” – Gloria

“You had a girlfriend before mom?” – Luke
“Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then I met your mom.” – Phil

“I still have my cheerleader outfit.” – Denise
“So do I but this still can’t happen.” – Phil

“It might have been a little bit louder. There was traffic. I almost had to shout.” – Mitchell
“You almost had to what?” – Cam
“Shout.” – Mitchell
“A little bit louder now.” – Cam
“Shout.” – Mitchell
“A little bit louder now.” – Cam
“Shout!” – Mitchell
“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” – Cam

The Office

“It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” – Michael, on St. Patrick’s Day

“How do I put this delicately? Does her family owe your family something in terms of a past injustice?” – Michael, asking Darryl how he got on Jo’s good side

The Practice virgin diary

“Contrary to the myth, not all child molesters are rocket scientists.” – Bobby, on his ability to crack a convicted child molester on the stand

Psych

“You should have told us. We would have gotten you a house chilling gift.” – Shawn to Mary when they heard he’d never left Santa Barbara

“I think that bailiff from Night Court is spot-on.” – Mary, about deputy McNab

“She gets overly stimulated by color.” – Jailer about Yang
“What about my face?” – Gus

Rules of Engagement

“We don’t have set sides of the bed.” – Jen
“We sort of lie down wherever.” – Adam
“What are you, farm animals?” – Jeff

Scrubs

[Mocking Drew] “… About as ridiculous as your five o’clock shadow. Honest to God, sometimes during rounds, I look over at you and it’s like I’m teaching Yasser Arafat.” – Dr. Cox
“Really? I see a slightly gayer George Michael.” – Denise
“Oh, so see that!” – Dr. Cox